OMG! The 4 hour erection, the cookies, the dogs… so much inherently funny. When I’m at my computer and can coordinate using more than my pointer I’ll be back
Do u think a cookie will help me with copy and paste?
Given the steady stream of identical letters I’ve received lately, I think it would be more cost-effective to provide letters only in the event an organization has not compromised your personal information - I.e. “Dear Mr. Southern: We are pleased to report that your personal information has not been hacked and shared with the entire internet community. . .yet. . .but, give us time.” Also, you can never go wrong with a Blazing Saddles clip - always in fashion.
In Europe, your data is always secure, due to stringent data laws. No one has the right to see your data - unless they have a perfectly good reason and a need for it. Like, in case they work at one of the minimum wage jobs at a hotline service center. They get to see all of your data, to be of better service to you, so do not worry, they have absolutely no need for additional income, anyhow.
Your cat looks very sweet, why do you want it to defend your house for you, it’s Your job.
I always use the same password, so I never forget my password. I still use my hotmail account from when Windows 95 came up and let me email the one friend who also had an email account. (Didn’t change my password)
Cookies let my wife know what new tech products I am researching, by blending them into her browser, so she knows what to buy me for my bday.
In my first novel I made up an entirely new disease which was invented by a cynical pharmaceutical company. My search history and hypothetical medical data must be lit.
That's proprietary. You can only read about it in my leaked files on the dark web.
In all seriousness, it was a fake CNS "disorder" called Berry's Syndrome, which was basically a mishmash of unrelated symptoms built upon meaningless clinical trial data. The idea here wasn't to diminish or insult mental health issues, but to highlight how "statistics" can be cherry-picked and deployed to bad faith ends (see: eugenics).
1) What embarrassing medical conditions has your healthcare provider shared with the internet?
None, AFAIK. But I got a CT scan for my kidneys and the guy thought this was his opportunity to criticize everything from my neck to waist (glad he stopped there!). Lungs too thick, pancreas to small, intestinal pockets, etc. etc. etc.
3) What’s your password? Wrong answers only (to be safe)!
My mentor suggested ending your password with a control-u, for safety. The joke is that, on unix systems, that erases everything you just types so it's a blank password (which used to be an option).
5) Internet cookies suck, but real cookies are awesome. Tell us about the last cookie you ate!
I got a cowboy (cowgirl?) cookie in Santa Barbara. Best part of the trip.
1. I guess I should consider myself lucky that I couldn't establish an online account with K as they indicated my information didn't match, numerous calls verified it should but numerous attempts still failed, lucky me!
2. To cure hiccups, inhale big, take additional little gasps in and continue without exhaling until you cannot inhale further...but keep trying until forced to exhale, hiccups bye bye.
3. I cannot recall.
4. Depends on which era A team you are referring to and which member you ask.
5. Shortbread - if you need a great recipe just ask and I'll share my favorite!
These are incredibly helpful observations, thank you! Also, my wife and I got to see Mantzoukas once. Nick Kroll and John Mulaney had a show called Oh Hello (it's on Netflix). It ran on broadway for a few years, I think. Every show, they'd have special guest come on stage to do improve. Sort of a show within the show. The night we went, it was Jason Mantzoukas. He was great! But the best part is that there's kind of a thing where the hosts are trying to get the guest to end the scene first. I gather that most of the time they succeed. Not with Jason Mantzoukas. He was like, "you wanna make it weird, I'm in you sons of bitches." It was hilarious.
Almost entirely unrelated, but when I first moved to LA the only writing job listings I could find were copy and technical writing gigs for Kaiser Permanente. So the name brings me back to one of the least secure periods of my life, and now I’m sure many others will have that same “lack of secure” feeling about them.
Ps I received several similar letters for all of us here! Right on the shag u can do- that Really
OMG! The 4 hour erection, the cookies, the dogs… so much inherently funny. When I’m at my computer and can coordinate using more than my pointer I’ll be back
Do u think a cookie will help me with copy and paste?
😂😂😂
Given the steady stream of identical letters I’ve received lately, I think it would be more cost-effective to provide letters only in the event an organization has not compromised your personal information - I.e. “Dear Mr. Southern: We are pleased to report that your personal information has not been hacked and shared with the entire internet community. . .yet. . .but, give us time.” Also, you can never go wrong with a Blazing Saddles clip - always in fashion.
Yeah, what’s with the STD report. So I spent the night in an alley with a pox afflicted monkey gal doesn’t mean I want the world to know about it.
In Europe, your data is always secure, due to stringent data laws. No one has the right to see your data - unless they have a perfectly good reason and a need for it. Like, in case they work at one of the minimum wage jobs at a hotline service center. They get to see all of your data, to be of better service to you, so do not worry, they have absolutely no need for additional income, anyhow.
Your cat looks very sweet, why do you want it to defend your house for you, it’s Your job.
I always use the same password, so I never forget my password. I still use my hotmail account from when Windows 95 came up and let me email the one friend who also had an email account. (Didn’t change my password)
Cookies let my wife know what new tech products I am researching, by blending them into her browser, so she knows what to buy me for my bday.
Love your newsletter „both are true“, thank you!
😂😂
'...the ER doctor concluded that I suffered from an over-inflated sense of self and a broken wrist-watch.' 🤣
Thank you for singling this line out, Rebecca. I'm especially proud of it. Also, there's a part of me that's always a 13-year-old boy.
1. Kaiser’s about to leak decades of me injuring myself trying moves beyond my skill. Like walking.
2. No, but there are some pranks you can make children pull on each other.
3. I used to go with the edgiest joke I could think of on the spot. Then a manager needed to access my account. I gave up the habit.
4. There has to be some kind of internal grant by now. Like a scholarship for lovable mercenary customers.
5. I can’t remember, so I’m capital-d Done cutting.
I think you're right about the A-Team. After selling their TV and film rights, they should be able to take on need-blind mercenary work.
Sol Food in San Rafael makes the best chicken everrrr, and is open till 9 (10 on Fri/Sat). Too little too late, I know, but for next time!
Good tip, thank you!
In my first novel I made up an entirely new disease which was invented by a cynical pharmaceutical company. My search history and hypothetical medical data must be lit.
Can you tel us about this disease? What was it called? What did it do to people?
That's proprietary. You can only read about it in my leaked files on the dark web.
In all seriousness, it was a fake CNS "disorder" called Berry's Syndrome, which was basically a mishmash of unrelated symptoms built upon meaningless clinical trial data. The idea here wasn't to diminish or insult mental health issues, but to highlight how "statistics" can be cherry-picked and deployed to bad faith ends (see: eugenics).
Death always cures hiccups. Though traditionally being scared half to death is supposed to work.
Best Password.. Heyitsreallyme.
Last cookies... My wife made some last night. Pillsbury Chocolate Chips, with some added Chocolate Chips.
😂
Your password is excellent! And your hiccup cure is 100% effective.
1) What embarrassing medical conditions has your healthcare provider shared with the internet?
None, AFAIK. But I got a CT scan for my kidneys and the guy thought this was his opportunity to criticize everything from my neck to waist (glad he stopped there!). Lungs too thick, pancreas to small, intestinal pockets, etc. etc. etc.
3) What’s your password? Wrong answers only (to be safe)!
My mentor suggested ending your password with a control-u, for safety. The joke is that, on unix systems, that erases everything you just types so it's a blank password (which used to be an option).
5) Internet cookies suck, but real cookies are awesome. Tell us about the last cookie you ate!
I got a cowboy (cowgirl?) cookie in Santa Barbara. Best part of the trip.
I wrote about internet cookies a minute ago: https://www.wired.com/1998/01/what-cookies-can-do-for-you-2/
I like your mentor's password suggestion. Sadly, these days everything is password protected, but also not protected at all, I guess.
Misery loves company so re;
1. I guess I should consider myself lucky that I couldn't establish an online account with K as they indicated my information didn't match, numerous calls verified it should but numerous attempts still failed, lucky me!
2. To cure hiccups, inhale big, take additional little gasps in and continue without exhaling until you cannot inhale further...but keep trying until forced to exhale, hiccups bye bye.
3. I cannot recall.
4. Depends on which era A team you are referring to and which member you ask.
5. Shortbread - if you need a great recipe just ask and I'll share my favorite!
I think you are lucky that you couldn't establish an online account. What's your secret?
I defer to the definition of insanity rule, saves me in the short game, time will tell if it holds up in the long game.
Michael, I have three helpful observations for today:
1. I immediately thought of this scene from IT Crowd when all this talk about the A-Team came up: https://youtu.be/ejjtlnZOdgo
2. Whenever I read your stuff, I read it in the voice of Jason Mantzoukas. Can you please just talk like him from now on so that all makes sense?
3. Mortimer's belly needs 7 additional circular rubs this afternoon.
I am here to help.
These are incredibly helpful observations, thank you! Also, my wife and I got to see Mantzoukas once. Nick Kroll and John Mulaney had a show called Oh Hello (it's on Netflix). It ran on broadway for a few years, I think. Every show, they'd have special guest come on stage to do improve. Sort of a show within the show. The night we went, it was Jason Mantzoukas. He was great! But the best part is that there's kind of a thing where the hosts are trying to get the guest to end the scene first. I gather that most of the time they succeed. Not with Jason Mantzoukas. He was like, "you wanna make it weird, I'm in you sons of bitches." It was hilarious.
I first noticed him as Derek in The Good Place. Holy crap, what a find!
Almost entirely unrelated, but when I first moved to LA the only writing job listings I could find were copy and technical writing gigs for Kaiser Permanente. So the name brings me back to one of the least secure periods of my life, and now I’m sure many others will have that same “lack of secure” feeling about them.
It's not unrelated. In a parallel universe copywriter Geoffrey is leaking Kaiser data all over the place.
Kaiser data for EVERYONE!
The cure for hiccups is, of course, more cowbell.
The A-Team now accepts Bitcoin and are also doing quincenaneras for the right price. I'll make a few calls....
This is all correct. In fact, I heard he now goes by Bitcoin Baracus.
“I pity the fool who don’t use Bitcoin!” it’s like on EVERY billboard out there…