there's a study that came out that the more expensive the car, the more aggressive and entitled the driver.
unfortunately, a lot of people here in LA have moderately expensive cars that they think are expensive cars. and do not get me started on the Tesla truck people. what a weird choice to make. (but I used to drive a Dodge Ram pickup. you know. a truck. ;) now I drive a roller skate.)
When you buy a Lambo (with or without a Black Amex card), you are likely required to sign a blood oath that you will. . .”faithfully execute the code of Lambo owners at all times, acting like a complete douchebag, including, but not limited to parking wherever and whenever you like. . .”
This is simply the best! Nailed it! Nothing irritates me more than the I park anywhere I feel like it assholes. They have no respect for anyone but number one. I like sticking a note under their windshield wiper that says "Some asshole had the nerve to park your car here. Sorry."
Ok your chicken and egg thing made my day! Hilarious... My NPC that I could do without is the typical Mo, which I wrote about in my last essay, as follows, "guys with gold chains dangling around their necks, the top 3 buttons on their shirt undone, the smell of too much cologne assaulting my nostrils".
1. The egg came first - it was a mating product of a small turkey and a prehistoric duck. As far as which salad was first I’d have to guess chicken salad since you can cook a chicken on a stick over a campfire, but you need some sort of pot to boil the water for a hard boiled egg.
2. Random answer #42
3. My favorite Red Flag is the guy who pretends to be an international spy on the run and needs to borrow $1,500 to go to ground.
4. Covfefe
5. Definitely not my favorite, but probably the best example of a NPC - Mike Pence.
"Which came first, the chicken salad, or the egg salad?"
The listeria.
"Other red flags?"
Well, yelling at waitresses is a classic.
"Who are some NPCs you can do without?"
You know I've actually become okay with the blasting music over the years, it's the cars that they seemed to have removed the mufflers or whatever that grinds my -- and apparently theirs, for the sheer sport of it -- gears. Particularly exhausting when they're revving and blasting their way down the street making as much noise as possible but not actually traveling quickly. So they're not even showing off the size or power of their engines, just the engine's terrible inefficiencies.
Blasting music from a car annoys me, but it’s a small annoyance if I can talk over it. The blasting that really gets me are the people who use their phones in public without ear phones and blast their YouTube videos and podcasts for everyone to hear. I’m like, “have you heard of ear phones?”
As a Chicagoan who has lived in Miami what I hate is the person who buys a ten piece chicken McNuggets and then FINDS out for the VERY FIRST TIME that they resemble rubber, and throws 2/3 of them away --- until next time. Something really annoying about that. There has to be some limit on how "receptive" a person is to bottom level corporate marketing behaviors. If they are that unwanted don't but it! Chicken killer. He crossed the road to avoid the ten thousandth "McDude". (Please don't tell me this guy has a newsletter and I have to read it to find out whether he is a good person.) But when your name is "McDude") and you bring up chickens out of context, I wonder about you, sir! But, I mean .... Go Navy (I guess). Is that for sports mostly?
Lambos are the low life strip malls of the automotive world. Overrated and overpriced. Give me a 35 year old long wheelbase Land Rover with a few minor dings to its name and you’ll have a friend forever.
Delightful read. I’ve been looking for a good brunch place forever.
Because it’s my job, I’ll note that NPC comes from Dungeons & Dragons! Video games borrowed that term, along with leveling up and a hundred other things. The nice thing about NPCs in D&D is, if they’re assholes, you can just stab them!
I finally got it.... It MUST mean "non-playing character." So LA is like a movie and and everyone has to get on board???? I think that is what it is. On the plus side, there is lots of opportunity there so anyone SHOULD be able to play.
And this: “She’s a gold-digger, but he doesn’t have any gold. And he’s looking for a trophy wife, but that trophy was made by a plastic surgeon. It’s so dumb.”
there's a study that came out that the more expensive the car, the more aggressive and entitled the driver.
unfortunately, a lot of people here in LA have moderately expensive cars that they think are expensive cars. and do not get me started on the Tesla truck people. what a weird choice to make. (but I used to drive a Dodge Ram pickup. you know. a truck. ;) now I drive a roller skate.)
https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/26/world/expensive-car-drivers-study-scli-scn-intl/index.html
That Tesla truck is just weird as fuck.
it truly is.
When you buy a Lambo (with or without a Black Amex card), you are likely required to sign a blood oath that you will. . .”faithfully execute the code of Lambo owners at all times, acting like a complete douchebag, including, but not limited to parking wherever and whenever you like. . .”
Sounds like you're joking, but this is 100% true.
Those Italian men!
This is simply the best! Nailed it! Nothing irritates me more than the I park anywhere I feel like it assholes. They have no respect for anyone but number one. I like sticking a note under their windshield wiper that says "Some asshole had the nerve to park your car here. Sorry."
I love that note, Gary!
Ok your chicken and egg thing made my day! Hilarious... My NPC that I could do without is the typical Mo, which I wrote about in my last essay, as follows, "guys with gold chains dangling around their necks, the top 3 buttons on their shirt undone, the smell of too much cologne assaulting my nostrils".
I could do without that NPC too.
Love waitrons who tell it like it is! Fun writting!
1) Eh…fake chick salad?
2) porsches & pinky rings
3) NPC -mariachi or loudass farting motorcycles cranked so they hurt. your ears & deafen the rider
1. The egg came first - it was a mating product of a small turkey and a prehistoric duck. As far as which salad was first I’d have to guess chicken salad since you can cook a chicken on a stick over a campfire, but you need some sort of pot to boil the water for a hard boiled egg.
2. Random answer #42
3. My favorite Red Flag is the guy who pretends to be an international spy on the run and needs to borrow $1,500 to go to ground.
4. Covfefe
5. Definitely not my favorite, but probably the best example of a NPC - Mike Pence.
These are great answers, Chris!
"Which came first, the chicken salad, or the egg salad?"
The listeria.
"Other red flags?"
Well, yelling at waitresses is a classic.
"Who are some NPCs you can do without?"
You know I've actually become okay with the blasting music over the years, it's the cars that they seemed to have removed the mufflers or whatever that grinds my -- and apparently theirs, for the sheer sport of it -- gears. Particularly exhausting when they're revving and blasting their way down the street making as much noise as possible but not actually traveling quickly. So they're not even showing off the size or power of their engines, just the engine's terrible inefficiencies.
Blasting music from a car annoys me, but it’s a small annoyance if I can talk over it. The blasting that really gets me are the people who use their phones in public without ear phones and blast their YouTube videos and podcasts for everyone to hear. I’m like, “have you heard of ear phones?”
So did the chicken cross the road or did it get hit by a Lamborghini?
The chicken is safe. The Lambo was parked illegally in a loading zone.
As a Chicagoan who has lived in Miami what I hate is the person who buys a ten piece chicken McNuggets and then FINDS out for the VERY FIRST TIME that they resemble rubber, and throws 2/3 of them away --- until next time. Something really annoying about that. There has to be some limit on how "receptive" a person is to bottom level corporate marketing behaviors. If they are that unwanted don't but it! Chicken killer. He crossed the road to avoid the ten thousandth "McDude". (Please don't tell me this guy has a newsletter and I have to read it to find out whether he is a good person.) But when your name is "McDude") and you bring up chickens out of context, I wonder about you, sir! But, I mean .... Go Navy (I guess). Is that for sports mostly?
Lambos are the low life strip malls of the automotive world. Overrated and overpriced. Give me a 35 year old long wheelbase Land Rover with a few minor dings to its name and you’ll have a friend forever.
"and the inescapable feeling that something has gone very wrong in this world." It boils down to this.
1. An abandoned egg salad briefly smells like a chicken salad. So I think the progression is clear.
3. Bloodstained hands throw me off.
5. Vendors. The constant shouts, calls, subway pitches, texts, emails, and sky-written messages get old. I hope they’re patched out soon.
First time reader. I enjoyed your writing and the comments too
Thanks Monica & welcome to Situation Normal!
Another gold nugget of Angeleno lore, Mike. Well done. :)
Thank you, Frank!
Delightful read. I’ve been looking for a good brunch place forever.
Because it’s my job, I’ll note that NPC comes from Dungeons & Dragons! Video games borrowed that term, along with leveling up and a hundred other things. The nice thing about NPCs in D&D is, if they’re assholes, you can just stab them!
Thanks Jason! Appreciate you exposing the origin of NPC. It all goes back to D&D doesn’t it?
I finally got it.... It MUST mean "non-playing character." So LA is like a movie and and everyone has to get on board???? I think that is what it is. On the plus side, there is lots of opportunity there so anyone SHOULD be able to play.
Wow this was the platonic ideal of a SN. Absolute perfection!
Wow, that’s high praise.
And this: “She’s a gold-digger, but he doesn’t have any gold. And he’s looking for a trophy wife, but that trophy was made by a plastic surgeon. It’s so dumb.”
Just wow.
I’ve never been to Jumpin’ Java and I’ve never had the chicken OR the egg lavash and now I think I need to. They should give you a cut for this.
Everything there is great. I also recommend the orange blossom pancakes.