Sadly, I'm not even sure I would know a Lambo if it ran over my face. I'm that person waiting for her Lyft that says "George will be arriving in a silver Escalade" and a Porsche zooms over and I'm all "George?" 1. Your waitress deserves allll the tips. She is slinging LIFE with that lavash 2. NPC I can do without is the person at the gas station who leaves their car at the pump to go into the store to work out a Middle East peace treaty BECAUSE WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN THERE THAT TAKES SO LONG?! That's also probably a classic LamBro move. (Great piece my friend. Chef's kiss!)
Did you ever see the little cartoon where a chicken and an egg are laying in bed? I can't remember which, but one of them is smoking a cigarette. The caption was "This answers the age old question of which came first."
“Lam-bro’s and Fake Ass Ho’s” rhymes better! That’s a good potential podcast.
Your waitress was spot on. Perceptive lady. She could do it right!
I had to look up what Lavash was after reading your piece. Any type of bread 🥖 🥯 🍞 is good 👍🏻. Chicken too. Eggs also. I’m a food person. Eating yummy stuff makes me happy.
1.) “LamBros & Fake-ass Gold-diggers.” I'd listen to that podcast.
2.) I love Christina. So smart and funny. And she loves you? You lucked out, man. But you realized that a long time ago. Super entertaining today, Michael.
Delightful read. I’ve been looking for a good brunch place forever.
Because it’s my job, I’ll note that NPC comes from Dungeons & Dragons! Video games borrowed that term, along with leveling up and a hundred other things. The nice thing about NPCs in D&D is, if they’re assholes, you can just stab them!
I finally got it.... It MUST mean "non-playing character." So LA is like a movie and and everyone has to get on board???? I think that is what it is. On the plus side, there is lots of opportunity there so anyone SHOULD be able to play.
NPC I can do without is people having a speakerphone conversation in public. I have (when the opportunity presents) taken to jumping into the conversation with a well timed, "I couldn't agree more," or "you don't say?"
The NPC usually looks at me like I am intruding on THEIR moment.
I never thought of the chicken/egg conundrum as quantum physics until now! How thought provoking! The loud music bros want you to look. When you do…it’s always a huge disappointment,
I wish we had a place like that, where we live, here in Germany. Waiters or waitresses here don’t have time, they’re usually too busy, trying not to make eye contact. People here basically don’t tip, and the min wage is low. Meals aren’t cheap, either. Other than at Michelin restaurants, people don’t appreciate their time spent at restaurants as much as in the US. I love the way your waitress opened up to you, genuinely. What a great way to go out for lunch! Honestly, I could cook most things at home, so the reason for going out is exactly that other stuff.
My brain went ding when I saw the kpop, heavy metal, and techno because my family's current music obsession is Electric Callboy and that's basically their genre mix. Now I'm wondering...
The band means something to you but when you just say some random band name that means nothing to the other person they don't know what that band means to you. That's part of the non-verbal nature of sound textures. Electric Callboy has possibly performed an "auditory capture" on you.
As a Chicagoan who has lived in Miami what I hate is the person who buys a ten piece chicken McNuggets and then FINDS out for the VERY FIRST TIME that they resemble rubber, and throws 2/3 of them away --- until next time. Something really annoying about that. There has to be some limit on how "receptive" a person is to bottom level corporate marketing behaviors. If they are that unwanted don't but it! Chicken killer. He crossed the road to avoid the ten thousandth "McDude". (Please don't tell me this guy has a newsletter and I have to read it to find out whether he is a good person.) But when your name is "McDude") and you bring up chickens out of context, I wonder about you, sir! But, I mean .... Go Navy (I guess). Is that for sports mostly?
Sadly, I'm not even sure I would know a Lambo if it ran over my face. I'm that person waiting for her Lyft that says "George will be arriving in a silver Escalade" and a Porsche zooms over and I'm all "George?" 1. Your waitress deserves allll the tips. She is slinging LIFE with that lavash 2. NPC I can do without is the person at the gas station who leaves their car at the pump to go into the store to work out a Middle East peace treaty BECAUSE WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN THERE THAT TAKES SO LONG?! That's also probably a classic LamBro move. (Great piece my friend. Chef's kiss!)
That NPC is a menace! And why haven’t they made a dent on the peace front? They’ve certainly got the time.
I KNOW! Do they go in there ready to negotiate and then get distracted by the wall of scratch tickets? GET IT TOGETHER GAS STATION NPC!!!
Did you ever see the little cartoon where a chicken and an egg are laying in bed? I can't remember which, but one of them is smoking a cigarette. The caption was "This answers the age old question of which came first."
Yes, love that cartoon!
“Lam-bro’s and Fake Ass Ho’s” rhymes better! That’s a good potential podcast.
Your waitress was spot on. Perceptive lady. She could do it right!
I had to look up what Lavash was after reading your piece. Any type of bread 🥖 🥯 🍞 is good 👍🏻. Chicken too. Eggs also. I’m a food person. Eating yummy stuff makes me happy.
That is a better name! You just got a gig producing a podcast.
I gotta work on a podcast for the devious shit I write. LOL.
i also had to look up ‘lavash’ 😬
Is she also a (wait for it) cereal monogamist?
Perfect! Chef’s kiss.
I'm kind of at the "who cares" stage of eggs and chickens.
Trend I like: Tuck a "We buy Junk Cars" card in driver's window of Tesla CyberTruck. hahahahahahaha
😂😂😂
Ah. To live in L.A. So many perks...
1.) “LamBros & Fake-ass Gold-diggers.” I'd listen to that podcast.
2.) I love Christina. So smart and funny. And she loves you? You lucked out, man. But you realized that a long time ago. Super entertaining today, Michael.
She’s been by my side since 2008. I’m very lucky.
Christina rocks.
Christina is cool - I just had her yesterday
Your writing is so effortless and the humor sneaks up from behind. 💕
5. NPCs— the dudes that purposely remove the catylitic converter so their car is super loud and they speed around our quiet neighborhood.
Thank you, CK!
There was a law passed against this. It helped a little.
that is what we need / More laws / Just pile them up like golden bananas
Hypergamy! I had to look that up. I thought it was like polyamory, but in the future!
One of my favorite words!
Me too. I wonder who invented this word. Some aristocrat?
I will try to remember that, as I never really liked "polyamory" at all.
Delightful read. I’ve been looking for a good brunch place forever.
Because it’s my job, I’ll note that NPC comes from Dungeons & Dragons! Video games borrowed that term, along with leveling up and a hundred other things. The nice thing about NPCs in D&D is, if they’re assholes, you can just stab them!
Thanks Jason! Appreciate you exposing the origin of NPC. It all goes back to D&D doesn’t it?
I finally got it.... It MUST mean "non-playing character." So LA is like a movie and and everyone has to get on board???? I think that is what it is. On the plus side, there is lots of opportunity there so anyone SHOULD be able to play.
NPC I can do without is people having a speakerphone conversation in public. I have (when the opportunity presents) taken to jumping into the conversation with a well timed, "I couldn't agree more," or "you don't say?"
The NPC usually looks at me like I am intruding on THEIR moment.
Yeah, that’s a very special NPC. Bold move on your part👏👏👏
It's fun. Highly recommend.
I never thought of the chicken/egg conundrum as quantum physics until now! How thought provoking! The loud music bros want you to look. When you do…it’s always a huge disappointment,
I wish we had a place like that, where we live, here in Germany. Waiters or waitresses here don’t have time, they’re usually too busy, trying not to make eye contact. People here basically don’t tip, and the min wage is low. Meals aren’t cheap, either. Other than at Michelin restaurants, people don’t appreciate their time spent at restaurants as much as in the US. I love the way your waitress opened up to you, genuinely. What a great way to go out for lunch! Honestly, I could cook most things at home, so the reason for going out is exactly that other stuff.
We’re regulars at this particular restaurant, so we’ve been chatting with this waitress for years.
My brain went ding when I saw the kpop, heavy metal, and techno because my family's current music obsession is Electric Callboy and that's basically their genre mix. Now I'm wondering...
As long as you’re not forcing the music on everyone around you, you’re doing great.
Ah, I meant I'm wondering if that's what he was listening to 😆 it would be pretty funny. The description just seemed to match up perfectly.
Oh! Gotcha. Maybe he was. It wasn’t anything I was familiar with
The band means something to you but when you just say some random band name that means nothing to the other person they don't know what that band means to you. That's part of the non-verbal nature of sound textures. Electric Callboy has possibly performed an "auditory capture" on you.
I’m a food monogamist too… but then I “divorce” the food when I’m sick of it.
Sometimes those divorces can be messy
So did the chicken cross the road or did it get hit by a Lamborghini?
The chicken is safe. The Lambo was parked illegally in a loading zone.
As a Chicagoan who has lived in Miami what I hate is the person who buys a ten piece chicken McNuggets and then FINDS out for the VERY FIRST TIME that they resemble rubber, and throws 2/3 of them away --- until next time. Something really annoying about that. There has to be some limit on how "receptive" a person is to bottom level corporate marketing behaviors. If they are that unwanted don't but it! Chicken killer. He crossed the road to avoid the ten thousandth "McDude". (Please don't tell me this guy has a newsletter and I have to read it to find out whether he is a good person.) But when your name is "McDude") and you bring up chickens out of context, I wonder about you, sir! But, I mean .... Go Navy (I guess). Is that for sports mostly?
This was so funny I can barely stand it. Wait…does commenting without answering your questions make me an NPC? Oh no
Thank you, Tina! The questions are optional. No NPC here.