LAPD patrol shifts should watch Adam-12, in which Malloy, Reed, Wells etc pursue & catch a thief without getting rammed. Meanwhile, a least one of the cop cars was totaled so that puts another catalytic converter available if it can be Gerry-rigged to fit a Prius.
Good points all around! I'll ask the LAPD if they can spare that catalytic converter, and if that conversations goes well I'll suggest that they integrate Adam-12 into their training videos. This will work! I am positive.
Hi Marshall, thanks for saying such nice things about Situation Normal! I'm glad my shenanigans speak to you. I like the pole vaulting police officers idea. Things will have to change down at the Academy, but I'm pretty sure we can get Steve Guttenberg to come back and play a police pole vaulting instructor.
Raul has an idea for a new Tortilla recipe which he thinks will wipe out Pizza as the default convenience snack: tortilla made with a special sauce which gives 3 basic tastes , which, can give an astonishing after taste: the recipe uses coca leaves.....
LA cops should use more poles to stop these schmucks..
I’m reading Ben Aaronovitch ,”Amongst our Weapons”, part of his Peter Grant supernatural detective thrillers.
Watching “ The Big Door” withChris O’Dowd. Killing it.
ohh fuck thanks for reminder about the book...its on List!
A drinking buddy back in day ended up in Hollywood producing and writing comedic horror films like Sharknado 2 (and believe me he is self-aware and evolved enough to admit that "work is fuckin work") The mis-heard lyric thing is a gift that keeps on giving: just ask any of us former 13 year olds who had "Let It Bleed" as the background to our very stoned lives. More shit happened in that song than the Stones had ANY awareness of lol catalytic converters aside....
When I saw “Raul Macaroni | Police Blotter,” I immediately thought of “Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” Intentional?
We recently saw a screening of an 80s horror movie called The Funhouse that was pretty rad! The first act is a bunch of kids goofing around a vintage carnival and the old school setting was very compelling.
“Paul Blart: Mall Cop" connection wasn't intentional. I usually just make the headline the two or three most prominent sections for the Wednesday edition. But I think the Raul Macaroni character has legs.
Hey thanks for the music nod! That piece was SO FUN and even moreso reading other peoples' misheard (or highly improved?) tune choices. If you ever do a follow-up, I'd recommend throwing down the Come on Eileen gauntlet. (Mine: "Poor old Johnny Ray/Setting up the radio to the billion hearts he doesn't know." and "you wear that dress/and it falls off your breast and you're dirty." I stand by these). Besides, did Kevin Rowland ever sing the real lyrics? The answer is in Al Capone's vault, so that shit died with Geraldo. Clearly. Related #1: Marconi plays the mamba. You just no habla-ed your way out of a world tour my friend. Question #3: That sounds like a joke set up only Archie Bunker could get away with. But related: Who is behind this? Ed Begley Jr.? Situation Normal Nation eagerly awaits this crime solve!
So many things to say about all of this, Sheila, but I need to get something straight. Geraldo, despite our best efforts, is still alive. Meaning, we can still talk to him about Al's vault. All we need is Geraldo's number. I'm sure he's listed, right?
As for who is behind these thefts, that remains a mystery. One thought is that I could identify and possibly capture the thief on the next attempt. So all I'd have to do there is set a trap when I get my new convertor. But the risk is high. Aside from my own personal risk, I might fail to catch them, in which case I'm out another catalytic convertor, which means months more of waiting. It's a vicious cycle. Honestly, that's why I hope Raul calls back. If I can patch things up, my world tour awaits.
Oh man..you mean so many FAILS in my comment! You know you are in a sub-D-list celeb situation when you're all "Wait, did that guy die? He died, right? Did he? I could have sworn..." And a sloppy Google search comes up with a DECEASED hit (can we blame AI? I will). Mea. Culpa. Geraldo. I'll meet you outside Al's vault in perpetuity :) Maybe Raul was actually trying to reach Geraldo! Thanks for your generosity there, Michael. Please don't put yourself at risk to catch the Sneaky "Cat" Burglar. Like every good film caper teaches us: OUTSOURCE. Assemble a crew. Buy the ex-presidents masks. Set up the needlessly convoluted whiteboard of plans and schematics. We await the outcome. :)
I've got two episodes left, and I've loved everything so far. I'm a whiner, so take that with the opposite of a grain of salt. Not sure if that's no salt, or hypertension-inducing heaps of salt. There's probably a linguistics paper in there somewhere.
I think Senor Macaroni was trying to sell Miguel a slightly used catalytic converter.
If the guy who was caught wasn't released on bail, probably about 999 converter thieves in LA.
I don't know if there are enough Poles in LA to fight crime. Back in Chicago, there were a lot of Poles and many of them on the police force.
I've been watching the last season of Mrs. Maisel. And it's annoying that they are releasing it weekly instead of the Amazon tradition of making it bingeable.
I already read your book. Latest reading has been a series of spy novels by Chris Pavone.
There was an old movie from the 80s titled Eating Raoul. Perhaps a sequel of Raoul Eating Macaroni is in the works -- Always funny Michael
Hitting a pole...when I was young, hitting a pole was a bad deal and brought an end to hijinks. I think in cities not hopelessly behind on infrastructure, most of the poles are now breakaway aluminum. It seems if you strategically stole the "right" car (like an F-450) you could just merrily mow the poles down and continue fleeing turning it in an OJ-like adventure.
LA is hit and miss on infrastructure, so I think I'll eventually run into a pole that hurts. As for Eating Raoul, I remember that movie at the video store, but never saw it. Was it any good?
When you travel overseas, it is remarkable the difference in infrastructure. I remember LA as pretty solid and modern although not that familiar with the whole region. I did not see the movie either. When I saw your reference, I just weirdly remembered that movie title.
Love this. I’m going out on a limb here but my guess is Raul Maccaroni wrote Llamageddon which bombed at the box office because people took it seriously. Raul’s cousin was the dude who hit the pole. He called Raul from jail asking him to take over the CC Biz. Raul said No, and slammed down the phone. But then his unemployment ran out so he began his own business fencing catalytic converters. He got your number from his cousin who was the perp who stole your cc the first time and called you because he thought you might want to join him in a life of crime. You explained that you have a very successful Substack. Raul asked, What’s Substack? You said, It saved me from the space alien Llama. I don’t know how the police fit into this story. Help me out.
Wow, this comment really fleshed out a lot of story. I'll find a role for the cops and get back to you, unless the llama shoots me with his laser eyes before I finish the story.
I'm rewatching Seinfeld for the trillionth time, so appreciated the call out to "The Human Fund."
Also, this is the second newsletter I've read today that used the term "hat tip." Is this a trend? Are wide brimmed hats making a comeback? Along with the ability to tip them as a gesture of gratitude? [Insert gif of Brad Pitt from Legends of the Fall here.]
Thank you, thank you, thank you for noticing the Seinfeld reference. You really came through on that one, Meg. As for the hat tip, I think what's happening is that as Substack becomes more like the blogs of yore (Notes, the app, and pretty much everything that isn't email), we're falling back on old school blogging etiquette, which is to use old-timey phrases like hat tip to give credit where credit is due. Either that, or wide brimmed hats are back! But I'll have to check J. Peterman catalogue to know for sure.
I met a woman at a writer's conference who used to write for the J. Peterman catalogue! It was by far the coolest thing I ever learned about another person while talking to them IRL. That and learning that there actually WAS a J. Peterman catalogue. (Still is, but I think it's all online now).
LAPD patrol shifts should watch Adam-12, in which Malloy, Reed, Wells etc pursue & catch a thief without getting rammed. Meanwhile, a least one of the cop cars was totaled so that puts another catalytic converter available if it can be Gerry-rigged to fit a Prius.
Good points all around! I'll ask the LAPD if they can spare that catalytic converter, and if that conversations goes well I'll suggest that they integrate Adam-12 into their training videos. This will work! I am positive.
Hey Michael. First of all, I'm in love with Situation Normal! It's so funny and easy to read! Now to the answers:
1) He's looking for Miguel to steal catalytic converters together, since his buddy crashed into a pole and got arrested.
2) At least 2 remain at large: Raul and Miguel.
3) Here's an idea: pole vaulting police officers!
4) A Million Little Things, The Good Doctor and New Girl. Up until now, I haven't seen any llamas or evil rock stars in any of these TV shows. Yet.
5) Anxiously Ever After, by Clint Edwards.
Hi Marshall, thanks for saying such nice things about Situation Normal! I'm glad my shenanigans speak to you. I like the pole vaulting police officers idea. Things will have to change down at the Academy, but I'm pretty sure we can get Steve Guttenberg to come back and play a police pole vaulting instructor.
Raul has an idea for a new Tortilla recipe which he thinks will wipe out Pizza as the default convenience snack: tortilla made with a special sauce which gives 3 basic tastes , which, can give an astonishing after taste: the recipe uses coca leaves.....
LA cops should use more poles to stop these schmucks..
I’m reading Ben Aaronovitch ,”Amongst our Weapons”, part of his Peter Grant supernatural detective thrillers.
Watching “ The Big Door” withChris O’Dowd. Killing it.
If Raul has an idea that disrupts pizza, he's gonna be filthy rich.
ohh fuck thanks for reminder about the book...its on List!
A drinking buddy back in day ended up in Hollywood producing and writing comedic horror films like Sharknado 2 (and believe me he is self-aware and evolved enough to admit that "work is fuckin work") The mis-heard lyric thing is a gift that keeps on giving: just ask any of us former 13 year olds who had "Let It Bleed" as the background to our very stoned lives. More shit happened in that song than the Stones had ANY awareness of lol catalytic converters aside....
I think I saw your Sharknado friend on CNN talking about the movies. He struck me as incredibly in on the joke.
When I saw “Raul Macaroni | Police Blotter,” I immediately thought of “Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” Intentional?
We recently saw a screening of an 80s horror movie called The Funhouse that was pretty rad! The first act is a bunch of kids goofing around a vintage carnival and the old school setting was very compelling.
“Paul Blart: Mall Cop" connection wasn't intentional. I usually just make the headline the two or three most prominent sections for the Wednesday edition. But I think the Raul Macaroni character has legs.
The Funhouse sounds like a very solid setting.
Raul Macaroni: Mixed-Up Telephony
Hey thanks for the music nod! That piece was SO FUN and even moreso reading other peoples' misheard (or highly improved?) tune choices. If you ever do a follow-up, I'd recommend throwing down the Come on Eileen gauntlet. (Mine: "Poor old Johnny Ray/Setting up the radio to the billion hearts he doesn't know." and "you wear that dress/and it falls off your breast and you're dirty." I stand by these). Besides, did Kevin Rowland ever sing the real lyrics? The answer is in Al Capone's vault, so that shit died with Geraldo. Clearly. Related #1: Marconi plays the mamba. You just no habla-ed your way out of a world tour my friend. Question #3: That sounds like a joke set up only Archie Bunker could get away with. But related: Who is behind this? Ed Begley Jr.? Situation Normal Nation eagerly awaits this crime solve!
So many things to say about all of this, Sheila, but I need to get something straight. Geraldo, despite our best efforts, is still alive. Meaning, we can still talk to him about Al's vault. All we need is Geraldo's number. I'm sure he's listed, right?
As for who is behind these thefts, that remains a mystery. One thought is that I could identify and possibly capture the thief on the next attempt. So all I'd have to do there is set a trap when I get my new convertor. But the risk is high. Aside from my own personal risk, I might fail to catch them, in which case I'm out another catalytic convertor, which means months more of waiting. It's a vicious cycle. Honestly, that's why I hope Raul calls back. If I can patch things up, my world tour awaits.
Oh man..you mean so many FAILS in my comment! You know you are in a sub-D-list celeb situation when you're all "Wait, did that guy die? He died, right? Did he? I could have sworn..." And a sloppy Google search comes up with a DECEASED hit (can we blame AI? I will). Mea. Culpa. Geraldo. I'll meet you outside Al's vault in perpetuity :) Maybe Raul was actually trying to reach Geraldo! Thanks for your generosity there, Michael. Please don't put yourself at risk to catch the Sneaky "Cat" Burglar. Like every good film caper teaches us: OUTSOURCE. Assemble a crew. Buy the ex-presidents masks. Set up the needlessly convoluted whiteboard of plans and schematics. We await the outcome. :)
Was it a fail, or wishful thinking? Don't answer. You redeemed yourself with the caper advice!
That's dark, but also: seen. And: respect. Grazie!
huge fan of the 'i'm blankin blank here'
Classic.
You are a great writer. You are an artist. You are a connoisseur of fine literature, trash literature, good and bad movies.
But you always be known as that catalytic converter guy to me...
If the catalytic converter isn't in the lede of my obituary, I've failed.
Don't worry, ccguy.
1. Raul Macaroni was after an alias consultant. The current name’s holding him back.
2. It’s been this one guy the whole time. Tireless. Adaptable. Mobile. This is VE Day for LA drivers.
3. Poles haven’t touched Rodney King yet. Let’s give them a chance.
4. Beef, and it’s been rewarding. It makes me think about my Beatrix Kiddo mentality, and I’m allergic to reflection.
5. I’m actually, literally, non-panderingly reading Not Safe For Work.
Give Poles a chance will be my campaign slogan when I run for sheriff. In the meantime, I need to give Beef a try. I hear very good things.
I've got two episodes left, and I've loved everything so far. I'm a whiner, so take that with the opposite of a grain of salt. Not sure if that's no salt, or hypertension-inducing heaps of salt. There's probably a linguistics paper in there somewhere.
Yeah, I think you're right there is a paper in there somewhere. Salt is due for a rethink.
if it was peter yeah very smart funny dude busted move to maui
Maui is always the smart move!
“There’s something wrong with that fucking llama!”
I googled “Raul macaroni” out of curiosity but all I got was the latest issue of Situation Normal!
My SEO strategy is working! I will own the Raul Macaroni space.
I think Senor Macaroni was trying to sell Miguel a slightly used catalytic converter.
If the guy who was caught wasn't released on bail, probably about 999 converter thieves in LA.
I don't know if there are enough Poles in LA to fight crime. Back in Chicago, there were a lot of Poles and many of them on the police force.
I've been watching the last season of Mrs. Maisel. And it's annoying that they are releasing it weekly instead of the Amazon tradition of making it bingeable.
I already read your book. Latest reading has been a series of spy novels by Chris Pavone.
Chris Pavone's books keep landing on my TBR. I need to remedy that next time I get on a long flight to somewhere exotic.
There was an old movie from the 80s titled Eating Raoul. Perhaps a sequel of Raoul Eating Macaroni is in the works -- Always funny Michael
Hitting a pole...when I was young, hitting a pole was a bad deal and brought an end to hijinks. I think in cities not hopelessly behind on infrastructure, most of the poles are now breakaway aluminum. It seems if you strategically stole the "right" car (like an F-450) you could just merrily mow the poles down and continue fleeing turning it in an OJ-like adventure.
LA is hit and miss on infrastructure, so I think I'll eventually run into a pole that hurts. As for Eating Raoul, I remember that movie at the video store, but never saw it. Was it any good?
When you travel overseas, it is remarkable the difference in infrastructure. I remember LA as pretty solid and modern although not that familiar with the whole region. I did not see the movie either. When I saw your reference, I just weirdly remembered that movie title.
Love this. I’m going out on a limb here but my guess is Raul Maccaroni wrote Llamageddon which bombed at the box office because people took it seriously. Raul’s cousin was the dude who hit the pole. He called Raul from jail asking him to take over the CC Biz. Raul said No, and slammed down the phone. But then his unemployment ran out so he began his own business fencing catalytic converters. He got your number from his cousin who was the perp who stole your cc the first time and called you because he thought you might want to join him in a life of crime. You explained that you have a very successful Substack. Raul asked, What’s Substack? You said, It saved me from the space alien Llama. I don’t know how the police fit into this story. Help me out.
Wow, this comment really fleshed out a lot of story. I'll find a role for the cops and get back to you, unless the llama shoots me with his laser eyes before I finish the story.
I'm rewatching Seinfeld for the trillionth time, so appreciated the call out to "The Human Fund."
Also, this is the second newsletter I've read today that used the term "hat tip." Is this a trend? Are wide brimmed hats making a comeback? Along with the ability to tip them as a gesture of gratitude? [Insert gif of Brad Pitt from Legends of the Fall here.]
Thank you, thank you, thank you for noticing the Seinfeld reference. You really came through on that one, Meg. As for the hat tip, I think what's happening is that as Substack becomes more like the blogs of yore (Notes, the app, and pretty much everything that isn't email), we're falling back on old school blogging etiquette, which is to use old-timey phrases like hat tip to give credit where credit is due. Either that, or wide brimmed hats are back! But I'll have to check J. Peterman catalogue to know for sure.
I met a woman at a writer's conference who used to write for the J. Peterman catalogue! It was by far the coolest thing I ever learned about another person while talking to them IRL. That and learning that there actually WAS a J. Peterman catalogue. (Still is, but I think it's all online now).
https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/644206/facts-about-j-peterman
[Reverent curtsey] for making middle-aged people feel relevant with your 90s pop culture references.
Also, I think if anyone could bring this one back, it's you.
https://jpeterman.com/products/safari-pith-helmet?variant=33242837581883
It'll be perfect for the next time I decide to drive to Vegas.