Hello situation normies, Welcome to another edition of Situation Normal! After last Sunday’s story about kids run amok at a local coffee house, I called my mom to wish her a happy Mother’s Day. According to my mom, Mother’s Day is a “bullshit” holiday ginned up by Big Greeting Card and Big Flowers. But since Mom loves cards and flowers, she’s all for it.
Subway amuses me at how badly corporate fumbles everything and yet the company still keeps going: Failed ad campaigns, hiring a pederast as a spokesperson, selling fake tuna, selling bread that has all the taste and consistency of furniture stuffing, and lunch meat that has more filler than a Kardashian's ass. Yet through it all, the unspoken "have it your way" USP of telling the sandwich slapper what you want on your sammy has prevailed to be the winning tactic the corporate dunces never acknowledge. Their corporate efficiency is apparently modeled after the Soviet Politburo.
As a working journalist I received many, many press releases about Subway’s new number menu.
I noticed it did not include the “ANNE” which consists of turkey, provolone and EVERY VEGETABLE except lettuce, plus salt pepper oil and vinegar on a whole wheat roll. Foot-long of course. I have no problem eating the whole thing in one sitting.
I've never met anyone that looks at the subway menu to order lol. Honestly, I didn't even know they had a menu. But I do think it's hilarious how disconnected subway corporate is from how people order their sandwiches. Corporate America strikes again with it's unrivaled efficiency at wasting time and money!
Subway. My son, Eric, at the time probably 10 or 11, would order a ham sub, 6 inch, with only lettuce and tomato. That's it. That's how I would order it. Every time, they would ask me, "what other veggies would you like on it?" "None, just what I said, lettuce and tomato." "Oh, so nothing but lettuce and tomato?" "Yes." Me being me, I started to f**k with them. "Yeah, go ahead and throw some eggplant on there." "Dont have it?" "Wow, your other stores do." Funny, they didn't have broccoli florets either! One time I ordered using my Festus voice from Gunsmoke's tv western series. Really laid it on thick. When we got to the window (drive-up), the girl was surprised to hear a normal voice. She looked for a car behind me, there was no one behind me. She looked in the back seat of my suv, nope, empty. My son was looking out his window trying not to laugh. I'm so good at keeping a straight face. Good times...
Honestly when restaurants have numbers I get unnecessarily stressed out about whether or not I should be using the number or name and then often just say both the number and the name and it is not really helpful to me.
Spicy Italian has been my standard Subway order since like the 90s but trying to find it on the menu just confuses me further sometimes. Also turns out there are things that aren't on the menu you can still order. Everything is chaos!
It's a big day for me. I'm adding "hand could get sliced by sharp, hidden wipe destroying blade" to my list of "reasons not to stick my hand into a public toilet"
Subway had two that operated a drive up by where we live in Las Vegas. One stopped that service and remained a walk-in, the other either went out of business or moved. They were close by the only McDonald's I have ever seen that actually closed shop.
I haven't been to a Subway since most of them moved into gas stations and a Jimmy John's opened 1/2 mile from my house. Then I discovered that the grocery store Harris Teeter blows them both out of the water with larger subs for less with better, fresher ingredients. And I can order them in advance on their app. No numbers required.
May 17, 2023·edited May 17, 2023Liked by Michael Estrin
B4 the prompts -- Ted Chiang is one of my faves
(1) already have completed all 12 steps of the Subway recovery :) If I think about Subway I find Chipotle
(2) This doesn't seem like much of a faux pas as Subway lives forever for choosing Jared the diddler.
(3) No but every toilet reference reminds me of the cultural high water mark of toilets will always be Japan!!!!
(4) We just watched Air -- he will always be basketball for me. I have a family member who interacted with him a lot before he was famous!!!! His is the best retirement planning commercial -- play a game you love and set yourself up for $400M passive income per year.
(5) A better toilet that does more stuff :) The Coen Bros could make sitting on the throne fun.
May 17, 2023·edited May 17, 2023Liked by Michael Estrin
I never realized how many origin stories make it to movies until you made me try to think of one. I guess it’s an easy safe story to make interesting. And I loved the movie Tetris also. It has everything you need in a movie.
We roam around the US and see a lot of towns for which I’d love to see the origin story. Probably they would make better documentaries or even mockumentaries.
Sticking my hand into a hospital toilet does not sound like something I would do. I wonder about the origin story for the people that thought of that product. And what’s the sales pitch for it? “Your employees will love you for letting them dig into random crap.”
(There is an edit feature on iOS. Press the three little dots.)
I used to work in a deli on Highway One in Pacifica, California, just above the Pacific Ocean, 15 minutes south of San Francisco. My favorite sandwich wash a crab melt with Gruyere and thousand island dressing on a sourdough roll. I talked many customers into that one.
Did I read you wrote about the Valley porn industry, as in the San Fernando Valley? That's where I've lived since 1985. Once, my daughter and her friend were splashing in her kiddie pool on our lawn in Tarzana as a nude woman posed on top of a Corvette. I just shrugged. At least they weren't up in my business or bullies like the other neighbors.
I'm enjoying your pieces and now interested in your porn book.
1. I always got some variant of extra-processed Italian cuts. Despite a few years in different parts of Jersey, Mike hasn’t found me yet. I’m stealthy as the night itself.
2. It’s beautiful. I’m fond of the tail-chasing updates multiplayer games go through every six-months to convince you everything is all-new, all-different, and worth shelling out for a “season pass.” Overwatch became a particularly incomprehensible mass of dense content.
3. I would still be at war with God.
4. I’ve been digging to the bottom of cinema. I just saw Foodfight, which is an attack on the idea of animation. But we can go deeper.
5. Let’s run it through itself. A frustrated young director. A screenwriter with a dream. An actress with a secret. “Origins: the Origin” tells the true story behind the making of a Hot Wheels animated film in the eighties. The rest is Hollywood History.
I loved Tetris! Any movie where a prototype Game Boy is treated like the Ark of the Covenant has won me over.
If you like product origin stories, I recommend the podcast Business Wars, which turns corporate rivalries like Taco Bell vs. Chipotle and spins them into dramatic multi-part docuseries. It’s been one of my favorite podcasts for years.
Subway amuses me at how badly corporate fumbles everything and yet the company still keeps going: Failed ad campaigns, hiring a pederast as a spokesperson, selling fake tuna, selling bread that has all the taste and consistency of furniture stuffing, and lunch meat that has more filler than a Kardashian's ass. Yet through it all, the unspoken "have it your way" USP of telling the sandwich slapper what you want on your sammy has prevailed to be the winning tactic the corporate dunces never acknowledge. Their corporate efficiency is apparently modeled after the Soviet Politburo.
As a working journalist I received many, many press releases about Subway’s new number menu.
I noticed it did not include the “ANNE” which consists of turkey, provolone and EVERY VEGETABLE except lettuce, plus salt pepper oil and vinegar on a whole wheat roll. Foot-long of course. I have no problem eating the whole thing in one sitting.
1.) I loved your book RIDE SHARE. Funny and poignant. It is about a part of contemporary life I knew nothing about, and now I do.
2.) I would really like to know your mom. I wish we were neighbors - but up here in Santa Cruz.
Thanks for always brightening my day.
I've never met anyone that looks at the subway menu to order lol. Honestly, I didn't even know they had a menu. But I do think it's hilarious how disconnected subway corporate is from how people order their sandwiches. Corporate America strikes again with it's unrivaled efficiency at wasting time and money!
Subway. My son, Eric, at the time probably 10 or 11, would order a ham sub, 6 inch, with only lettuce and tomato. That's it. That's how I would order it. Every time, they would ask me, "what other veggies would you like on it?" "None, just what I said, lettuce and tomato." "Oh, so nothing but lettuce and tomato?" "Yes." Me being me, I started to f**k with them. "Yeah, go ahead and throw some eggplant on there." "Dont have it?" "Wow, your other stores do." Funny, they didn't have broccoli florets either! One time I ordered using my Festus voice from Gunsmoke's tv western series. Really laid it on thick. When we got to the window (drive-up), the girl was surprised to hear a normal voice. She looked for a car behind me, there was no one behind me. She looked in the back seat of my suv, nope, empty. My son was looking out his window trying not to laugh. I'm so good at keeping a straight face. Good times...
Honestly when restaurants have numbers I get unnecessarily stressed out about whether or not I should be using the number or name and then often just say both the number and the name and it is not really helpful to me.
Spicy Italian has been my standard Subway order since like the 90s but trying to find it on the menu just confuses me further sometimes. Also turns out there are things that aren't on the menu you can still order. Everything is chaos!
It's a big day for me. I'm adding "hand could get sliced by sharp, hidden wipe destroying blade" to my list of "reasons not to stick my hand into a public toilet"
THANK YOU MICHAEL
Subway had two that operated a drive up by where we live in Las Vegas. One stopped that service and remained a walk-in, the other either went out of business or moved. They were close by the only McDonald's I have ever seen that actually closed shop.
I haven't been to a Subway since most of them moved into gas stations and a Jimmy John's opened 1/2 mile from my house. Then I discovered that the grocery store Harris Teeter blows them both out of the water with larger subs for less with better, fresher ingredients. And I can order them in advance on their app. No numbers required.
“Honestly, corporate worked really hard on the numbers.”
Honestly, I wonder if people at corporate actually eat at Subway!
Next time I go to Subway, I’m ordering the Anne and I’ll just remove the veggies I don’t like.
B4 the prompts -- Ted Chiang is one of my faves
(1) already have completed all 12 steps of the Subway recovery :) If I think about Subway I find Chipotle
(2) This doesn't seem like much of a faux pas as Subway lives forever for choosing Jared the diddler.
(3) No but every toilet reference reminds me of the cultural high water mark of toilets will always be Japan!!!!
(4) We just watched Air -- he will always be basketball for me. I have a family member who interacted with him a lot before he was famous!!!! His is the best retirement planning commercial -- play a game you love and set yourself up for $400M passive income per year.
(5) A better toilet that does more stuff :) The Coen Bros could make sitting on the throne fun.
I never realized how many origin stories make it to movies until you made me try to think of one. I guess it’s an easy safe story to make interesting. And I loved the movie Tetris also. It has everything you need in a movie.
We roam around the US and see a lot of towns for which I’d love to see the origin story. Probably they would make better documentaries or even mockumentaries.
Sticking my hand into a hospital toilet does not sound like something I would do. I wonder about the origin story for the people that thought of that product. And what’s the sales pitch for it? “Your employees will love you for letting them dig into random crap.”
(There is an edit feature on iOS. Press the three little dots.)
I used to work in a deli on Highway One in Pacifica, California, just above the Pacific Ocean, 15 minutes south of San Francisco. My favorite sandwich wash a crab melt with Gruyere and thousand island dressing on a sourdough roll. I talked many customers into that one.
Did I read you wrote about the Valley porn industry, as in the San Fernando Valley? That's where I've lived since 1985. Once, my daughter and her friend were splashing in her kiddie pool on our lawn in Tarzana as a nude woman posed on top of a Corvette. I just shrugged. At least they weren't up in my business or bullies like the other neighbors.
I'm enjoying your pieces and now interested in your porn book.
1. I always got some variant of extra-processed Italian cuts. Despite a few years in different parts of Jersey, Mike hasn’t found me yet. I’m stealthy as the night itself.
2. It’s beautiful. I’m fond of the tail-chasing updates multiplayer games go through every six-months to convince you everything is all-new, all-different, and worth shelling out for a “season pass.” Overwatch became a particularly incomprehensible mass of dense content.
3. I would still be at war with God.
4. I’ve been digging to the bottom of cinema. I just saw Foodfight, which is an attack on the idea of animation. But we can go deeper.
5. Let’s run it through itself. A frustrated young director. A screenwriter with a dream. An actress with a secret. “Origins: the Origin” tells the true story behind the making of a Hot Wheels animated film in the eighties. The rest is Hollywood History.
I loved Tetris! Any movie where a prototype Game Boy is treated like the Ark of the Covenant has won me over.
If you like product origin stories, I recommend the podcast Business Wars, which turns corporate rivalries like Taco Bell vs. Chipotle and spins them into dramatic multi-part docuseries. It’s been one of my favorite podcasts for years.