I order a small coffee. “Anything else?” the barista asks. “I’d love some cake, but I’m trying to watch my sugar intake.” I’m just making chit-chat here, sharing my sweet desires and my not-so-sweet struggles. But words matter, even the seemingly meaningless words we share in the course of mundane transactions. One person’s inconsequential dietary confession is another person’s conversational gambit.
I would have definitely taken a bite of her cake (blue velvet! sounds fun!). I’m also the kind of person who shares their fries with the table next to me so... 🤷🏽♀️🍟
Cake lady was neither stoned nor off meds. She was Jewish. Forcing food on unsuspecting people is a five thousand year old trait amongst our tribe. Look at Passover. Matzo? Really? Our ancestors had to grab the unleavened bread and not the chocolate on the way out?
This story reminds me of my dad's wife, always trying to force food on you. I love to cook for people, but I read recently that caretaking is a (subtle) form of control. It really made me think.
Feeding people is also the only way some folks know to show care. I can see the control component and I always though it was really superficial and a great way to avoid talking about anything real. Having a child with a food allergy really raised the red flags for me about (a) how synonymous socialization is with food and (b) how pushy people are with food, even food that will legit make people sick.
Long time reader, first time commenter. Would be curious to understand more of the cognitive dissonance Alexandra was reading about and recognizing in relation to the structural utility Nicci raises
Jul 9, 2023·edited Jul 10, 2023Liked by Michael Estrin
I'm partial to the noir take:
A bewitching voice beckons to you over your shoulder.
"Wanna bite?" it says.
You turn and find her. She's in the corner booth. She raises a slender cigarette holder to her lips, fingering it seductively. Except it's not a cigarette holder—it's a remarkably long fork with an elegant hunk of cake dangling off the end.
She stares into your eyes. Ribbons of smoke curl around her stark contours. The barista has burned some toast.
Wow! I like this theory a lot. I also like the fact that you can put this theory forward, then just casually say you’d eat the cake. Bold, my friend, very bold! Or is this your clone leaving this comment?
Maybe a secret government operative trying to test a super-soldier serum by hiding it inside a bit of blue velvet cake? Sort of a Steve Rogers meets the British Baking Show kind of vibe?
I think that's how they got Jason Bourne. It was a cupcake, if I'm not mistaken. Actually, I love this idea! If I ever meet David Lynch, I'm pitching it to him.
Hi , as a new reader I like to take a shot at answering your questions. 1. She is probably from Ohio. 2. Yes, politely declined. 3. No. 4. No. 5. I don’t think that Princess cake can be topped. Seriously, I enjoyed this and I wonder if you know Alex Dobrenko? He often ends his posts with five thought provoking questions like these. I enjoy answering those from time to time as well. Now really seriously,I swear, blue velvet cake does not naturally occur in nature. It’s like one of those little brightly colored frogs-do not lick those frogs! (This could also explain the lady from Ohio’ behavior).
Welcome Jeanne! Thank you for stopping by and leaving a great comment! I do know Alex. In fact, he may have stolen the discussion questions from me, but that’s ok because I stole them from Geoffrey Golden, who writes Adventure Snack. Now that that’s out of the way, Alex will probably threaten to sue me and maybe Geoffrey too. You might be subpoenaed as a witness, just FYI. I’m sure Alex will drop into the comments and let us know.
1) My inner comedian wants to say she’s a Hostess android, spreading a Twinkie gospel across the land. Planting the seeds of a Snack Food Revolution. Recent events offer a more mundane answer.
Concerned Citizens already treat your bedroom, body, and Sunday morning as their business. Why not your fork? There’s a right choice for everything, and it happens to be theirs.
I’m not a fan of pushers, and food’s not the worst offender. People treat turning down drinks like a punch to the spine. I’ve had an easier time dumping people than getting out of shots.
I’m not square, so I think I have my answer. I need to keep two tabs of acid around. If they *insist* on drinking, I’ll *insist* they drop with me. Right there. Anything else would be an insult. Aren’t we friends?
Someone’ll call my bluff in a week. But then the real fun begins.
You make a good point about drink pushers. I’m not a big drinker. Maybe three beers in a year. But when I decline a drink, people get weird and a little agro. I prefer drug people. Usually, when you pass, they just say, more for me, and move on with their lives.
One time I was traveling with my friend who works at Katz's Deli. He brought a big Katz's spread for us to LaGuardia before our flight. A truly incredible act of kindness. But when we were finished eating, there was a whole thing of full sour pickles that hadn't even gotten unwrapped or touched at all. It felt like sacrilege to just throw them out. So we tried asking people in the airport if they wanted a Katz's Deli pickle. No one took us up on our offer. They looked at us like we were crazy.
But they were the crazy ones. They missed out on a legendarily good pickle. FOR FREE
My point is: you are those pickle doubters, Michael. That's you, but with a disturbingly colored cake
I’m adding cake doubter to my LinkedIn. Maybe one day I’ll upgrade to pickle doubter, but I’ll probably have to book a flight to New York. Also, a friend who works at Katz’s is the friend you want in any situation.
I would have definitely taken a bite of her cake (blue velvet! sounds fun!). I’m also the kind of person who shares their fries with the table next to me so... 🤷🏽♀️🍟
I have had the blue velvet cake before and can report that it tastes just like red velvet, but it is way more fun.
Neo would be flummoxed by no difference
I am too but I have boundaries issues.
Cake lady was neither stoned nor off meds. She was Jewish. Forcing food on unsuspecting people is a five thousand year old trait amongst our tribe. Look at Passover. Matzo? Really? Our ancestors had to grab the unleavened bread and not the chocolate on the way out?
This story reminds me of my dad's wife, always trying to force food on you. I love to cook for people, but I read recently that caretaking is a (subtle) form of control. It really made me think.
And sometimes not-so-subtle.
Feeding people is also the only way some folks know to show care. I can see the control component and I always though it was really superficial and a great way to avoid talking about anything real. Having a child with a food allergy really raised the red flags for me about (a) how synonymous socialization is with food and (b) how pushy people are with food, even food that will legit make people sick.
Long time reader, first time commenter. Would be curious to understand more of the cognitive dissonance Alexandra was reading about and recognizing in relation to the structural utility Nicci raises
Maybe she just a nice, unsuspicious of the world, slightly stoned woman that wanted to share her cake.
Wouldn’t it be nice if the world had more people like that?
Come up to Santa Cruz, Michael. People on the street will offer you all kinds of weird stuff. And the first time is ALWAYS free.
I'm partial to the noir take:
A bewitching voice beckons to you over your shoulder.
"Wanna bite?" it says.
You turn and find her. She's in the corner booth. She raises a slender cigarette holder to her lips, fingering it seductively. Except it's not a cigarette holder—it's a remarkably long fork with an elegant hunk of cake dangling off the end.
She stares into your eyes. Ribbons of smoke curl around her stark contours. The barista has burned some toast.
Haha, I love this, Joe!
I would have taken a bite but only if she agreed to do the "Choo Choo! Here comes the tank engine!" as she slowly placed the cake in my mouth
That's a helluva a counter-offer!
She was a cloner, she wanted a sample of your DNA. I totally would have eaten the cake.
Wow! I like this theory a lot. I also like the fact that you can put this theory forward, then just casually say you’d eat the cake. Bold, my friend, very bold! Or is this your clone leaving this comment?
Ha! I really like cake, and I wouldn't mind a clone, so there you have it. :)
Hilarious. I think the mystery woman was an incarnation of Samael, a sort of tempting angel in Jewish tradition
I hope she has a Substack. I'm going to start looking.
If you find it, let us know.
Will do!
In the perfect alternate universe she's offering observations about abnormal situations without any self-awareness.
Maybe a secret government operative trying to test a super-soldier serum by hiding it inside a bit of blue velvet cake? Sort of a Steve Rogers meets the British Baking Show kind of vibe?
I think that's how they got Jason Bourne. It was a cupcake, if I'm not mistaken. Actually, I love this idea! If I ever meet David Lynch, I'm pitching it to him.
Yeh. That would be my guess. She's put something a little extra into that cake...
Hi , as a new reader I like to take a shot at answering your questions. 1. She is probably from Ohio. 2. Yes, politely declined. 3. No. 4. No. 5. I don’t think that Princess cake can be topped. Seriously, I enjoyed this and I wonder if you know Alex Dobrenko? He often ends his posts with five thought provoking questions like these. I enjoy answering those from time to time as well. Now really seriously,I swear, blue velvet cake does not naturally occur in nature. It’s like one of those little brightly colored frogs-do not lick those frogs! (This could also explain the lady from Ohio’ behavior).
Welcome Jeanne! Thank you for stopping by and leaving a great comment! I do know Alex. In fact, he may have stolen the discussion questions from me, but that’s ok because I stole them from Geoffrey Golden, who writes Adventure Snack. Now that that’s out of the way, Alex will probably threaten to sue me and maybe Geoffrey too. You might be subpoenaed as a witness, just FYI. I’m sure Alex will drop into the comments and let us know.
Thanks for the heads up. I got a screenshot and recorded my thoughts while holding up today’s newspaper. I’ll be ready.
Great little story, loved the cooties angle.
I thought you couldn't even GET cooties after the age of 11!
I think she wanted your catalytic converter.
That would've been a really bad trade.
ha ha ha ha ha!
1) My inner comedian wants to say she’s a Hostess android, spreading a Twinkie gospel across the land. Planting the seeds of a Snack Food Revolution. Recent events offer a more mundane answer.
Concerned Citizens already treat your bedroom, body, and Sunday morning as their business. Why not your fork? There’s a right choice for everything, and it happens to be theirs.
I’m not a fan of pushers, and food’s not the worst offender. People treat turning down drinks like a punch to the spine. I’ve had an easier time dumping people than getting out of shots.
I’m not square, so I think I have my answer. I need to keep two tabs of acid around. If they *insist* on drinking, I’ll *insist* they drop with me. Right there. Anything else would be an insult. Aren’t we friends?
Someone’ll call my bluff in a week. But then the real fun begins.
You make a good point about drink pushers. I’m not a big drinker. Maybe three beers in a year. But when I decline a drink, people get weird and a little agro. I prefer drug people. Usually, when you pass, they just say, more for me, and move on with their lives.
Your novel hits this point! Great scene. If only more people had coke enthusiasts’ manners.
One time I was traveling with my friend who works at Katz's Deli. He brought a big Katz's spread for us to LaGuardia before our flight. A truly incredible act of kindness. But when we were finished eating, there was a whole thing of full sour pickles that hadn't even gotten unwrapped or touched at all. It felt like sacrilege to just throw them out. So we tried asking people in the airport if they wanted a Katz's Deli pickle. No one took us up on our offer. They looked at us like we were crazy.
But they were the crazy ones. They missed out on a legendarily good pickle. FOR FREE
My point is: you are those pickle doubters, Michael. That's you, but with a disturbingly colored cake
I’m adding cake doubter to my LinkedIn. Maybe one day I’ll upgrade to pickle doubter, but I’ll probably have to book a flight to New York. Also, a friend who works at Katz’s is the friend you want in any situation.
You turned down the benevolent offer of an earth bound goddess.
So I screwed up royally, huh?
Yes, but that’s ok - you may be more open to such largesse next time. ☺️