Sometimes three acts just aren’t enough to contain the stories life throws at you. Shakespeare knew that, and while I’m no Shakespeare, I’d put my five-act garage door story up against anything The Bard wrote in the home improvement genre.
I AM IN TEARS! This should not be funny at all. It really shouldn't. But it's hilarious. And I'm looking at my own garage door, with the dents and wobbles and am thinking, there's no way I'm telling my landlord about it. Ever.
And this line just made my day. "Killed by a garage door hinge is a shitty way to die in real life, but it’s a fantastic way to kill someone in a book!"
I really enjoyed this. Thank you. So many of us can relate to the subcontracting insanity that Home Depot employs. And I'm glad to know it's not just my family that encounters this absurdity in the face of such commonality. Water heaters are apparently just as complex and impossible to replace for experienced plumbers... or at least this one guy in town.
The big box stores are infamous for this type of experience. You get the service rep or sales person who does the initial deal and promises you everything is A-OK. Then they sub-contract the "job" (whatever it is) to perform the actual instillation and that's when the trouble starts. First, they are being paid by "the job" without really knowing what the job is other than its an install. They show up and right away discover something is not quite right that the service rep/sales person didn't catch because they really don't know how to install anything -- they are just the seller. Next thing you know your simple job that was supposed to take just XX days to complete, will take two or three times longer and the install guys are pissed because they may have to eat $$ because of the added time or expense it will take to complete the job. And you, the lucky homeowner, is caught in the middle, often with little or no recourse. And the finished job more often than not, ends up not done nearly as professionally as you thought.
Incredible stuff. We had to a replace a bathroom window with atypical dimensions. Contractor made first measurement sometime in early July 2021. Window was just installed on June 15, 2022.
I found you from the Substack Writer Office Hours. Goldmine! Thanks for 'springing' into action with your garage door story. Hoping not to hear about it again over the ten year warranty....for your sake!
It's oddly comforting to know that I'm not the only person this type of thing happens to!
The initial conversation with the installers sounds like something out of a movie. I seriously pictured George Clooney in Oh Brother Where Art Thou looking at the two guys when you said "Your dad was killed by a garage door?"
Enjoyed the story, newly subscribed and looking up your book!
Thanks for the laugh out loud and the encouragement to write this kind of story- these every day bits are juicy. Love when he says that’s how you know how shitty this company is
Hilarious! We actually used Home Depot recently to remove our old fence and install a new one. All in all it went pretty smooth. One day for the site manager to take measurements, one day to remove the old fence, and two days to put up the new one.
I AM IN TEARS! This should not be funny at all. It really shouldn't. But it's hilarious. And I'm looking at my own garage door, with the dents and wobbles and am thinking, there's no way I'm telling my landlord about it. Ever.
And this line just made my day. "Killed by a garage door hinge is a shitty way to die in real life, but it’s a fantastic way to kill someone in a book!"
Thanks Jackie! Really appreciate the comment!
Hard agree this whole thing had me howling with laughter and feeling like a terrible person for it 😂🙈 I hope that garage door lasts you many years 🤣
Thanks Emily! And no need to feel terrible about laughing because I'd feel terrible if you didn't laugh :)
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Exactly 🔥🔥🔥
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This article made my day... unfortunately at the author's expense! I really needed a good laugh and you delivered...thank you!
you're welcome! i hope you stick around for more funny stories!
I definitely will!
Ditto 🔥
I really enjoyed this. Thank you. So many of us can relate to the subcontracting insanity that Home Depot employs. And I'm glad to know it's not just my family that encounters this absurdity in the face of such commonality. Water heaters are apparently just as complex and impossible to replace for experienced plumbers... or at least this one guy in town.
Thank you! I’m glad to hear you enjoyed the story and sorry that you and your water heater can relate.
Hey thanks. If you're interested in some speculative fiction, I'm releasing this soon. Cheers.
https://novainteritus.substack.com/
Oh yeah, big time 🙌🙌🔥
The big box stores are infamous for this type of experience. You get the service rep or sales person who does the initial deal and promises you everything is A-OK. Then they sub-contract the "job" (whatever it is) to perform the actual instillation and that's when the trouble starts. First, they are being paid by "the job" without really knowing what the job is other than its an install. They show up and right away discover something is not quite right that the service rep/sales person didn't catch because they really don't know how to install anything -- they are just the seller. Next thing you know your simple job that was supposed to take just XX days to complete, will take two or three times longer and the install guys are pissed because they may have to eat $$ because of the added time or expense it will take to complete the job. And you, the lucky homeowner, is caught in the middle, often with little or no recourse. And the finished job more often than not, ends up not done nearly as professionally as you thought.
you sound like you've been down this road before. I'm assuming you no longer buy these kinds of services from big box stores?
Yep 🙌🙌❤️❤️🔥
Garage door industrial complex - capitalism has reached its final and most powerful form
Haha! Yes, I'm living proof.
Incredible stuff. We had to a replace a bathroom window with atypical dimensions. Contractor made first measurement sometime in early July 2021. Window was just installed on June 15, 2022.
An 11-month window odyssey. Wow! Congrats on seeing that one through!
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I found you from the Substack Writer Office Hours. Goldmine! Thanks for 'springing' into action with your garage door story. Hoping not to hear about it again over the ten year warranty....for your sake!
Thanks Heather & welcome to the party! I also hope this is the last garage door story I write, for the sake of my sanity and my bank account :)
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Well done sir. Nice use of dialogue to tell the story. https://sites.google.com/view/danger-men-thinking
It's oddly comforting to know that I'm not the only person this type of thing happens to!
The initial conversation with the installers sounds like something out of a movie. I seriously pictured George Clooney in Oh Brother Where Art Thou looking at the two guys when you said "Your dad was killed by a garage door?"
Enjoyed the story, newly subscribed and looking up your book!
awesome! thank you!
You’re not alone!!! 🫰🫰
Oh man - I'm current 27 days into a "basic" refrigerator repair and this is giving me anxiety! Great post though, haha
Thanks Jason! Really appreciate your kind words. Sending out good vibes that your "basic" fridge repair happens soon
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You had me at “Home Depot installation.”
Glad you found this one, Betsy! Home Depot installation is a mistake I don't plan on repeating.
Thanks for the laugh out loud and the encouragement to write this kind of story- these every day bits are juicy. Love when he says that’s how you know how shitty this company is
Thanks Mary, hope you'll share this with your friends!
Oh this is sooooooooo delightful.
Thanks! I hope you'll stick around for more stories like this one!
This mirrors an experience I had with Home Depot's "7 day" carpet installation - that took a whole summer. Never again...
I don’t know why I read the whole way through because this just stressed me out, but I guess that’s how good you are at this, Michael 😂
Hilarious! We actually used Home Depot recently to remove our old fence and install a new one. All in all it went pretty smooth. One day for the site manager to take measurements, one day to remove the old fence, and two days to put up the new one.