Trust the Trusts
This was great. I picture you guys turning it into a series, a la Severance but spookier because real life is always spookier.
I wish Amazon wasn’t my favorite monopoly. I hate myself just for thinking it. But convenience got even more important in direct proportion to how disabled I became 🤷🏼♀️
Agree with Amran: Ticketmaster needs to die a fiery death.
I like potty-mouthed Michael. He can visit anytime. 🤬💜
Of course I played Monopoly as a kid, I was the third kid, so the older brothers traded the banker’s job and beat the little kid. I played once with the wife and she refused to ever play me again. I was too Monopolistic.
Before, Big Medicine was my least favorite Monopoly, now it’s Big Medicare.
2. Fun fact: In Germany, many aspects of your everyday rely on monopolies: train travel, internet connection, credit score, etc. Unsurprisingly, the companies running these things are breathtakingly inefficient and hell on earth to engage with. I hate them all equally.
3. Pret-a-Manger’s monopoly on the fast-casual airport dining scene I fully endorse.
And while you didn’t ask, I want you to know I loved this line: “His handwriting is nigh-illegible, marred by collectivism.” Also, “thirsty work” really made me lol for some reason.
1. A few times! My brother fudged the numbers, teaching me more than he'll ever know.
2. Technically Disney, they bought out my teenage bookshelf. All that's left is cutting the Douglas Adams estate a check.
3. Is it a crime if it happens to a Nestle executive?
4. I admire any campaign willing to challenge Tom Streyer's use of "Back That Azz Up." It hasn't been long at all, and people still don't believe you if you bring it up.
5. It looks like putting manchildren outside the industry in charge is a start. The "Forced Incompetence Act" is going to have some trouble in the House, but it's worth the results.
Dreamworld Coke was pretty good tho? But STARLIGHT COKE (Space Flavored) is something that had I but known how fleeting its presence, I'd have savored and hoarded more than I did. IT WAS LITERALLY THE FLAVOR OF THE VASTNESS OF SPACE. Sidenote I fully get that these special Cokes are decidedly not the primary subject or takeaway from this pitch sesh. ;)
Naturally I played Monopoly as a kid. I hated it. The games went on forever and then you were financially ruined. And hated family and friends. Good times! I’ve played as an adult ... I’m not a better player, but I have better perspective. I start knowing I’ll lose and will give it my best shot. Typical game takes about 30-45 to set its tone, and the three or four more hours to reach the conclusion that was inevitable after the first forty five minutes. But I laugh more.
Favorite monopoly? Amazon. Stupid convenience. At least it helps me avoid all the other monopolies I loathed and chewed up more of my time. Least favorite? Ticketmaster makes it so easy to hate them. There’s probably a better choice of one that inflicts real damage on our world and our psyches, but TM is just so good at being so foul that I forget who the other horrible players are.
1. I did, and I'd say the game played a significant role in my estrangement to all my family members.
2. Micosoft Excel. Its ubiquity ensures I continue to own hardware and software I don't want.
3. I mean, all of them, though Ticketmaster owns a special place in Hell.
4. It would've been dope. But also, a surefire losing strategy. Sounds like Uncle Joe needs to get Virtuosity on the case in 2024.
5. Make the Trusts use only their own products and see how they like it.
This was fun & I didn't think abt the apocalypse once while I was reading it.
My favorite monopoly is Amran & Dennard & Michael's monopoly on monopoly humor on Substack.
Yes I used to play Monopoly I loved it & have spent my whole life looking for Get Out of Jail Free card irl.