This is a powerful lesson for all of us. What's just as interesting as her reaction is how others react to her reaction. It illustrates who would have done the same or who would have escalated. I used to escalate. I don't anymore. I've mellowed in recent years. When I drive 45-60 minutes to work on highways to hell, there are a lot of demons. They speed, honk, cut people off, flip the bird. I drive in the slow lane and simply observe. I can predict accidents now, like the bumper whisperer. We need more people like your teacher and more lessons like this one. Thanks for sharing, Michael!
Thanks Brian! I have a similar driving style. I often look at some of the demons on the road and think, they’re headed for disaster, I just hope they didn’t take anyone with them.
1. I’m not a great driver so I’ve been in a lot of accidents. The worst was when I missed a stop sign at 23 and t-boned a truck going about 25MPH. Thankfully it was a side street and there weren’t many Schadenfreude-Stoppers.
2. I once did a “30 straight days of yoga challenge”. That led to taking some pretty weird classes because they were the only ones that fit my schedule. Listening to 15 women do breath work and exhale at an almost orgasmic fever pitch is a memory I will never release.
3. I’m feeling good, man. Thanks for asking. My older boy is still lost and dealing with some mental health issues and it’s really, really hard to just watch. But I can’t make him want to get better. I just have to be there for him if shit really goes off the rails. I have another son who is one year away from high school graduation and he just makes life look easy. So, taking the joy that I can find, ya know?
4. Moe’s bagels in Boulder, Colorado. Their bagel sandwiches are epic. Especially the Shorty-P deluxe.
5. I also wish there were more local papers. At least the NYT has an actual office in LA, but I want multiple local news outlets competing for my attention. God bless Westword here in Denver.
Sending you good vibes for your son, Eric. That is a very difficult situation. There’s a real cruelty to mental health issues because they often undermine our will to heal. Hang in there. And in the meantime I wanna see more local news papers too.
A clear-eyed person would say 1) I don’t want to feel this was and 2) I’m going to take steps to change.
I don’t know that my son has the capacity to believe either of those at the moment. The phrase I keep hearing (and saying) is “they have to hit rock bottom” and I don’t want for my 18yo boy to ever hit rock bottom.
I remember from driver's Ed that if someone backs into you, you're still at fault because their vision is limited and you should be ready to stop or back up (ever see a whole line of drivers back up smoothly because someone in front had to back out of an intersection and the rest followed "if the driver in front of you starts backing up, you start backing up" rule? I saw it in Quebec many times, it was beautiful. Here it would be people staying put and honking at the backer).
Now I'm pissed off at a dude I've never met but in a way have met many times. I don't think I would have been nearly as cool about it as your yogi.
Love this. I love hearing about all the calm, positive, mature, etc people in society.
Here’s a story. My son was speeding down our old street and rolled over. He was fine, thank G-d. Jumped out the smashed window and was accosted by a homeowner screaming at him. My son remained calm, apologizing profusely, that’s he learned his lesson and the man continued screaming. My son repeatedly said to him that his response wasn’t helpful.
I know this happened not only from my son’s retelling but another neighbor telling me how impressed he was by my son.
When we took Dylan to the ER after the incident and he was fine, all the nurses wanted to know which suv he was driving. It wasn’t the car it was him. He said when he felt the car tipping he just relaxed and gave in. He’s an old soul. 🥰🙏
I'm noticed that things are starting to glide off of me when previously they would have hurt my feelings, and I'm not a yogi. I wonder if this comes with age.
And, I have to say, I feel proud that my boundaries are intact in a way they weren't before.
I want to believe it comes with age, but I think mileage varies. I know plenty of older people who take things in stride, but I can also think of a few who rage pretty hard.
Now that’s some real Yogi Shit. I too practice yoga and it has helped me put life into perspective. I’m human and a Libra so if someone tips my scales I can hurt a bitch :) however I’ve learned to channel those emotions into calm of spirit. Thanks again for the gentle reminder of humanness . Yoga Rocks !
My mantra when I drive most days is 'I hate everyone' because Vegas tends to bring together everyone who is disrespectful on the road 🤣 In the rest of my daily life I'm a very kind and loving person, but on the roads I wish I was a nun with a holy water filled machine gun to send all these demons and devils back to drivers Ed hell.
I have had to learn some deep breathing techniques to get through my 2 twenty minute commutes and I've had to figure out side street routes to avoid as many other cars as possible. Driving here honestly gives me extreme anxiety if I have to go more than 20 minutes from my house.
I'm an old Paramedic. Driving by an accident if no one is there, I stop to help (so no rubbernecking from me). Driving by when there is help there, I can tell what happened in about 3 seconds of looking at it and I get past as fast as possible to avoid eye contact with rescuers in case it's someone I know and they want me to help (lol). (kidding, I'd get out and help if they needed it). Proximity and experience with what happens in an accident means I don't have the desire to lookie-lou. It's like the last thing you want to do on your day off is something you do at work. And P.S. The Civic might have sustained the most damage, but the police cruiser had to do all the paperwork. That's also very painful for the officer, even if no one was hurt ( :) )
I don't think I've ever raged at someone while driving. Been annoyed with, maybe said a bad word about, but never raged. I'm not a yogi, but I think people who drive like that are the same people who troll on the internet. They have no power in their personal lives, so once they are anonymous, and can be any way they want, they express their unhappiness that way.
An automobile is classed a deadly weapon, much like a gun, if you use it aggressively. It's the attitude of the person, not the weapon of choice that matters.
Boil it down and you have the classic "living well is the best revenge," minus the revenge part. If I let my mind be troubled by something of this sort, I'm living less well, and that's what matters.
Since I stopped driving I’ve noticed how much calmer I feel. No more anger at driver stupidity (others as well as my own!) No more swearing at invisible people. No more tension when I see cars backing up ahead.
Instead I get to chat with bus drivers, listen to music on the train, and enjoy being an occasional passenger on the road. The car is not an essential where I live and I’m thankful for that. I’m pleased you have yoga in your life, Michael!
Fuck that motherfucker with a used dick. (Obviously I'm not a yogi.)
Calmer than you are, dude.
This is a powerful lesson for all of us. What's just as interesting as her reaction is how others react to her reaction. It illustrates who would have done the same or who would have escalated. I used to escalate. I don't anymore. I've mellowed in recent years. When I drive 45-60 minutes to work on highways to hell, there are a lot of demons. They speed, honk, cut people off, flip the bird. I drive in the slow lane and simply observe. I can predict accidents now, like the bumper whisperer. We need more people like your teacher and more lessons like this one. Thanks for sharing, Michael!
Thanks Brian! I have a similar driving style. I often look at some of the demons on the road and think, they’re headed for disaster, I just hope they didn’t take anyone with them.
1. I’m not a great driver so I’ve been in a lot of accidents. The worst was when I missed a stop sign at 23 and t-boned a truck going about 25MPH. Thankfully it was a side street and there weren’t many Schadenfreude-Stoppers.
2. I once did a “30 straight days of yoga challenge”. That led to taking some pretty weird classes because they were the only ones that fit my schedule. Listening to 15 women do breath work and exhale at an almost orgasmic fever pitch is a memory I will never release.
3. I’m feeling good, man. Thanks for asking. My older boy is still lost and dealing with some mental health issues and it’s really, really hard to just watch. But I can’t make him want to get better. I just have to be there for him if shit really goes off the rails. I have another son who is one year away from high school graduation and he just makes life look easy. So, taking the joy that I can find, ya know?
4. Moe’s bagels in Boulder, Colorado. Their bagel sandwiches are epic. Especially the Shorty-P deluxe.
5. I also wish there were more local papers. At least the NYT has an actual office in LA, but I want multiple local news outlets competing for my attention. God bless Westword here in Denver.
Sending you good vibes for your son, Eric. That is a very difficult situation. There’s a real cruelty to mental health issues because they often undermine our will to heal. Hang in there. And in the meantime I wanna see more local news papers too.
So much this.
A clear-eyed person would say 1) I don’t want to feel this was and 2) I’m going to take steps to change.
I don’t know that my son has the capacity to believe either of those at the moment. The phrase I keep hearing (and saying) is “they have to hit rock bottom” and I don’t want for my 18yo boy to ever hit rock bottom.
I’m just along for the ride in so many ways.
From one parent to another: wishing you and your son well.
I remember from driver's Ed that if someone backs into you, you're still at fault because their vision is limited and you should be ready to stop or back up (ever see a whole line of drivers back up smoothly because someone in front had to back out of an intersection and the rest followed "if the driver in front of you starts backing up, you start backing up" rule? I saw it in Quebec many times, it was beautiful. Here it would be people staying put and honking at the backer).
Now I'm pissed off at a dude I've never met but in a way have met many times. I don't think I would have been nearly as cool about it as your yogi.
Deep breathes. Let it go. And the go bake something wonderful. And while you wait for it to bake, imagine the beautiful drivers of Quebec.
Love this. I love hearing about all the calm, positive, mature, etc people in society.
Here’s a story. My son was speeding down our old street and rolled over. He was fine, thank G-d. Jumped out the smashed window and was accosted by a homeowner screaming at him. My son remained calm, apologizing profusely, that’s he learned his lesson and the man continued screaming. My son repeatedly said to him that his response wasn’t helpful.
I know this happened not only from my son’s retelling but another neighbor telling me how impressed he was by my son.
Wow! That’s quite the story. Good for your son. I don’t know if I’d be that calm after an accident like that.
When we took Dylan to the ER after the incident and he was fine, all the nurses wanted to know which suv he was driving. It wasn’t the car it was him. He said when he felt the car tipping he just relaxed and gave in. He’s an old soul. 🥰🙏
I'm noticed that things are starting to glide off of me when previously they would have hurt my feelings, and I'm not a yogi. I wonder if this comes with age.
And, I have to say, I feel proud that my boundaries are intact in a way they weren't before.
I want to believe it comes with age, but I think mileage varies. I know plenty of older people who take things in stride, but I can also think of a few who rage pretty hard.
Definitely comes with age. We have to have some benefits, right? 😉
Now that’s some real Yogi Shit. I too practice yoga and it has helped me put life into perspective. I’m human and a Libra so if someone tips my scales I can hurt a bitch :) however I’ve learned to channel those emotions into calm of spirit. Thanks again for the gentle reminder of humanness . Yoga Rocks !
Thanks! I’m glad this one resonated.
Yogi here but wow I can be audacious when I'm behind the wheel.
Loved this one. The yoga puns were just *chefs kiss*.
Thanks David!
My mantra when I drive most days is 'I hate everyone' because Vegas tends to bring together everyone who is disrespectful on the road 🤣 In the rest of my daily life I'm a very kind and loving person, but on the roads I wish I was a nun with a holy water filled machine gun to send all these demons and devils back to drivers Ed hell.
I have had to learn some deep breathing techniques to get through my 2 twenty minute commutes and I've had to figure out side street routes to avoid as many other cars as possible. Driving here honestly gives me extreme anxiety if I have to go more than 20 minutes from my house.
Maybe I need yoga?!
Yoga never hurts, especially if you're driving in Vegas.
Man, I love your writing!
Thank you!
I'm an old Paramedic. Driving by an accident if no one is there, I stop to help (so no rubbernecking from me). Driving by when there is help there, I can tell what happened in about 3 seconds of looking at it and I get past as fast as possible to avoid eye contact with rescuers in case it's someone I know and they want me to help (lol). (kidding, I'd get out and help if they needed it). Proximity and experience with what happens in an accident means I don't have the desire to lookie-lou. It's like the last thing you want to do on your day off is something you do at work. And P.S. The Civic might have sustained the most damage, but the police cruiser had to do all the paperwork. That's also very painful for the officer, even if no one was hurt ( :) )
I don't think I've ever raged at someone while driving. Been annoyed with, maybe said a bad word about, but never raged. I'm not a yogi, but I think people who drive like that are the same people who troll on the internet. They have no power in their personal lives, so once they are anonymous, and can be any way they want, they express their unhappiness that way.
An automobile is classed a deadly weapon, much like a gun, if you use it aggressively. It's the attitude of the person, not the weapon of choice that matters.
Boil it down and you have the classic "living well is the best revenge," minus the revenge part. If I let my mind be troubled by something of this sort, I'm living less well, and that's what matters.
I always heard the slowing of traffic for an accident as a gapers block.
Schadenfreude stopper sounds like a good thing to call it, but the majority of people gaping at the accident wouldn't know what schadenfreude meant.
That's very true! Schadenfreude stopper is a little high-brow.
Since I stopped driving I’ve noticed how much calmer I feel. No more anger at driver stupidity (others as well as my own!) No more swearing at invisible people. No more tension when I see cars backing up ahead.
Instead I get to chat with bus drivers, listen to music on the train, and enjoy being an occasional passenger on the road. The car is not an essential where I live and I’m thankful for that. I’m pleased you have yoga in your life, Michael!
I envy your car-free lifestyle. My dream is to move to a more walkable LA neighborhood and become a one-car household.
Your instructor is an admirable person. I aspire to that level of calmness and that certitude. I haven’t achieved it yet, but readiness is all.