Just. WOW. Harold is your next book: A has-been-ish prop comic trying to stage a come back is found dead in his dressing room, strangled by a pair of oversized underpants. Harold is a gumshoe from way back, old school all the way. He's taken "mommy's" inheritance and left all that sordid business behind. But he gets this call. Sure, he knew the kid when he was coming up in the scene; you might even say Harold had a small hand in his success, but still, is that enough to pry him out of retirement? He's got it pretty cushy now, including a weekly poker game with Vince and some of his wrestling buddies. He pours himself a scotch and stares at the snow-capped mountains in the distance. It's going to be a long night..... ;) (PS: CLASSIC Night Court 4LYFE)
So good! You picked the right Lyft driver. His stories seem way too random and filled with specifics to be made up. I recently drove by WWE headquarters and its giant sparkling wrestling belt in Stamford Connecticut . I imagine most people (outside of Stamford) have no clue that’s where the HQ is located.
While I’m no Harold, I did have the balls to ask Vince McMahon for his autograph in 1988.
For question 5, I’m going with Jarmusch, as long as I’m able to keep listening to Angela aka the Taxi theme song.
As someone who went to college in Connecticut, I can confirm that people have no idea what companies are headquartered there. But CT has WWE and ESPN, so I think that makes the state the U.S. sports entertainment capital, right?
I started calling my parents mom and dad when I was about 7 or 8. Didn’t want to be a pansy I guess.
Anybody can pick up the phone and call anyone. The other person has to have the balls to answer, right? Think about it: how many times have you said “I really don’t want to answer that…” or “This can’t be good.”
Taxi. Think about how many great characters were in Taxi. Think about the synergy. I adore DeNero but I just have to go with funny. Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs was funny in a weirdo kind of way.
I think you make a good point! It takes balls to answer the phone, especially these days. Also, I think I’m with you on Taxi over Taxi Driver if you can only choose one. Bang for buck there.
New subscriber here! I just bought your E-books, can't wait to read them! You got me with your Mom living in Vegas. My husband and I live here too, and now I feel like a supportive auntie. We have such great rideshare drivers here and listening to their colorful stories is one of my very favorite things!
Thank you, Jen! Hope you enjoy the books! And I think you're right about ride share drivers in Vegas. I've had good ones, interesting ones, and not-so-great ones everywhere, but in Vegas they're always good and often times interesting too!
Thanks for the mention, Michael, I forgot you did that for new paids. I would’ve given you a note except that I was literally in a plane waiting to take off for Argentina and saw that you were having a sale. It was the last thing I did before putting my phone on airplane mode. Now I’m at an airport in Chile headed to Patagonia seeing this. Love your stuff, you make me smile and inspire me to keep writing.
Great story. What a character! When I think of comedian Scott Thompson, I think of Kids in the Hall, not 1-800 collect commercials.
I like the new Night Court OK, but the cast doesn’t click as well together and the reboot could be far zanier. The one element I completely dislike about the reboot is the way they redid the theme song. The original theme has much more energy and has a gritty feeling to it, whereas the new version feels flat.
The OG Night Court theme was perfect. And I think gritty is the right word. While the Night Court stories were always funny and ultimately full of heart, the setting was gritty and they mined that setting for comedy gold.
Good point, Tom! Whenever I visit Florida, I am very much aware that if you really want to go south in that state, you must drive north toward the panhandle.
never a fan of carrot top, but i used to despise him. now i'm just meh. to each his own. dude had a plastic baby doll nailed to a piece of wood. BABY ON BOARD, geddit? so, yeah, i try to let it slide now. it's better for my heart and my complexion. and i would call vince, yes. i'd call him VINCE, i'd call him ASSHAT, i'd call him late for dinner. that schmuck.
This comment has good energy all around. I think I saw a Carrot Top special on TV and was like, ok. Then I forgot about him. But I was always aware of the anti Carrot Top sentiment.
You found a promoter in the wild! You now have one indictment, but an even more enduring fan in me.
1. Harold is clearly an advanced storyteller. He's trying to place you in his POV. In a completely alien, non-functional way, but trying. Masterfully.
2. He's a great problem.
3. The balls? Sure. It's just not going to go well for me.
4. This is a great question, because we make a lot of efforts to bottle and resell kitsch value. It doesn't quite work like that. Kitsch value is intangible, like the fear you feel down the street from a rally.
5. I'll take Taxi Driver. I'm a sucker for a focused spiral into madness. I just tend to keep my own comic.
Harold! I think he an only child that's why he still uses the "mommy" word. Older siblings would never put up with that. Or, mommy demanded it, threatened to cut him off.
"Americas wang." Hilarious. Must tell my mom that one. She is a very happy, elderly Floridian. The gaters freak me out. My mom once accidentally ran over one. She thought it was a speed bump. Hehehe.
If I was looking for a ride in Vegas, I think I’d prefer the driver to be Marsha Warfield - I don’t think Carrot Top or Vince McMahon could effectively navigate their way to the destination. Oh, I’m sorry, was that not the question posed? My bad. . .
I loved this story. Loved Harold. Loved that his passenger was YOU - a great storyteller. I bought your e-books about a month ago but haven’t gotten to them yet. I’m hoping this was a delicious preview of what’s to come?
I loved the OG Night Court. It pushed comedic boundaries that just can’t be pushed today in sitcom format unless it’s a streaming series. I really like Melissa Rauch from her Big Bang Theory days, and since she roped Laroquette back in, I decided to give it a chance. But two episodes in and I just couldn’t anymore. Decidedly unfunny. (If anyone made it further and thinks I should revisit, I’m all ears).
My favorite taxi-like scene is actually from the seemingly little-known but insanely funny movie Office Christmas Party. The comedian Fortune Feimster is an Uber driver who has to take uptight CEO Jennifer Aniston somewhere. Feimster is like, “you should drive an Uber - you get to be the CEO of your own car!” And Aniston replies, “I AM a CEO.” 😂. (also, don’t miss the outtakes at the end of the film where you catch Feimster riffing in that same scene - it’s gold).
Mortimer for President!! (also, good tactic putting him at the end but previewing the move early in the post 😉). My posts always end with a cat pic section I call Cat Dump 🐈⬛ 💩.
He has multiple convictions, but they’re all in LA County. In many states, that’s a badge of honor. So maybe there’s a chance. But I should
warn you, he’s old. Too old, everyone says. Thirteen, or as the vet says, “pushing 14.” He’s in great shape, though. The same vet says he’s got the health of an 8-year-old.
Amy, thank you for buying the ebooks. This story is pretty typical of what you’ll find in Ride/Share.
As for the New Night Court, you lasted longer than me. I watched the pilot and while pilots can be rough, I just couldn’t go on. I’m not sure it’s possible to recapture the magic. That said, one Night Court occupied a strange space in TV writer land in the early aughts. Nearly every manager and lit agent I met wanted the next Night Court, or felt strongly that there needed to be a reboot. I was sympathetic. I loved the show and as an aspiring screenwriter with comedy chops and a JD, this felt like it was up my alley. But for reasons that are beyond me, it took more than a decade to make the reboot happen, and well, it kinda sucks. In the meantime we got a show about a bowling alley lawyer that didn’t last and a Fred Savage legal comedy that kinda shit the bed. I don’t know what this says about Hollywood, but I don’t think it says anything good. Thankfully, there is Jury Duty, which is a great and groundbreaking legal comedy.
As for Office Christmas Party, that film is underrated. Jennifer Aniston was great in that movie.
oh, yikes about the bad legal shows, but I'll have to check out Jury Duty. And, "shit the bed" is a great expression and really needs to be used more. Totally agree about OCP and Jennifer Aniston. The guy who played her brother was so funny too (don't know his name). So many great comedic actors in that movie.
“Suddenly, I had a twang in my voice. That worried me, so I moved the conversation away from Florida.”
I find myself doing this when I go back home (so Southern California). I hate it. But put me on a beach, next to a boarder, and all of a sudden I’m filling pauses and getting pitted.
It is called "linguistic convergence", Michael, when you mimic the pronunciation or mirror sentence structures and words of someone you are talking to. It's usually unconscious, a natural way we humans establish rapport. I, myself, have a sympathetic ear and am prone to converge especially in North Dakota, Texas,and Louisiana. Just an interesting side-subject in a REALLY funny piece. Thanks for lyfting my spirits.
Just. WOW. Harold is your next book: A has-been-ish prop comic trying to stage a come back is found dead in his dressing room, strangled by a pair of oversized underpants. Harold is a gumshoe from way back, old school all the way. He's taken "mommy's" inheritance and left all that sordid business behind. But he gets this call. Sure, he knew the kid when he was coming up in the scene; you might even say Harold had a small hand in his success, but still, is that enough to pry him out of retirement? He's got it pretty cushy now, including a weekly poker game with Vince and some of his wrestling buddies. He pours himself a scotch and stares at the snow-capped mountains in the distance. It's going to be a long night..... ;) (PS: CLASSIC Night Court 4LYFE)
Sheila! This is gold! I mean real gold! You just got yourself hired as a beta reader. You’re welcome and I’m so sorry about that.
You'll receive my negotiation packet from my agent. My agent is Harold, FYI. :) I can't wait! :)
I should probably hire Harold to be my agent too. It worked for Carrot Top!
Or did it?!?? 😳
Hysterical!
So good! You picked the right Lyft driver. His stories seem way too random and filled with specifics to be made up. I recently drove by WWE headquarters and its giant sparkling wrestling belt in Stamford Connecticut . I imagine most people (outside of Stamford) have no clue that’s where the HQ is located.
While I’m no Harold, I did have the balls to ask Vince McMahon for his autograph in 1988.
For question 5, I’m going with Jarmusch, as long as I’m able to keep listening to Angela aka the Taxi theme song.
As someone who went to college in Connecticut, I can confirm that people have no idea what companies are headquartered there. But CT has WWE and ESPN, so I think that makes the state the U.S. sports entertainment capital, right?
It's in contention, but if they had only kept the jai alai frontons open it would be a done deal.
You went to college in Connecticut? That's where I went to high school. Yeah lots of corporates are HQ'd there. They keep all that on the down low.
I started calling my parents mom and dad when I was about 7 or 8. Didn’t want to be a pansy I guess.
Anybody can pick up the phone and call anyone. The other person has to have the balls to answer, right? Think about it: how many times have you said “I really don’t want to answer that…” or “This can’t be good.”
Taxi. Think about how many great characters were in Taxi. Think about the synergy. I adore DeNero but I just have to go with funny. Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs was funny in a weirdo kind of way.
I’d like to have a beer with Harold!
I think you make a good point! It takes balls to answer the phone, especially these days. Also, I think I’m with you on Taxi over Taxi Driver if you can only choose one. Bang for buck there.
New subscriber here! I just bought your E-books, can't wait to read them! You got me with your Mom living in Vegas. My husband and I live here too, and now I feel like a supportive auntie. We have such great rideshare drivers here and listening to their colorful stories is one of my very favorite things!
Thank you, Jen! Hope you enjoy the books! And I think you're right about ride share drivers in Vegas. I've had good ones, interesting ones, and not-so-great ones everywhere, but in Vegas they're always good and often times interesting too!
Also, I don’t have time to read this entire blog right now but I did scroll down to see Mortimer. Very cute. 🐾🐾
Thanks for the mention, Michael, I forgot you did that for new paids. I would’ve given you a note except that I was literally in a plane waiting to take off for Argentina and saw that you were having a sale. It was the last thing I did before putting my phone on airplane mode. Now I’m at an airport in Chile headed to Patagonia seeing this. Love your stuff, you make me smile and inspire me to keep writing.
Thank you for leaving this comment, Savitree! Sounds like you're on the trip of a lifetime! I'm so jealous. Enjoy & safe travels!
Great story. What a character! When I think of comedian Scott Thompson, I think of Kids in the Hall, not 1-800 collect commercials.
I like the new Night Court OK, but the cast doesn’t click as well together and the reboot could be far zanier. The one element I completely dislike about the reboot is the way they redid the theme song. The original theme has much more energy and has a gritty feeling to it, whereas the new version feels flat.
The OG Night Court theme was perfect. And I think gritty is the right word. While the Night Court stories were always funny and ultimately full of heart, the setting was gritty and they mined that setting for comedy gold.
ICYMI – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFmdZ7ScT78&ab_channel=mastasplash
If Harold was a true Southerner it would be Mama. Florida is an anomaly - the only state in the Union which gets more Yankee the farther south you go.
Good point, Tom! Whenever I visit Florida, I am very much aware that if you really want to go south in that state, you must drive north toward the panhandle.
never a fan of carrot top, but i used to despise him. now i'm just meh. to each his own. dude had a plastic baby doll nailed to a piece of wood. BABY ON BOARD, geddit? so, yeah, i try to let it slide now. it's better for my heart and my complexion. and i would call vince, yes. i'd call him VINCE, i'd call him ASSHAT, i'd call him late for dinner. that schmuck.
This comment has good energy all around. I think I saw a Carrot Top special on TV and was like, ok. Then I forgot about him. But I was always aware of the anti Carrot Top sentiment.
You found a promoter in the wild! You now have one indictment, but an even more enduring fan in me.
1. Harold is clearly an advanced storyteller. He's trying to place you in his POV. In a completely alien, non-functional way, but trying. Masterfully.
2. He's a great problem.
3. The balls? Sure. It's just not going to go well for me.
4. This is a great question, because we make a lot of efforts to bottle and resell kitsch value. It doesn't quite work like that. Kitsch value is intangible, like the fear you feel down the street from a rally.
5. I'll take Taxi Driver. I'm a sucker for a focused spiral into madness. I just tend to keep my own comic.
The minute Harold began speaking I knew I had a story. But the minute he mentioned wrestling, I knew this was a story for you and Amran.
It feels good to be pandered to. It spares me expanding my horizons.
Harold! I think he an only child that's why he still uses the "mommy" word. Older siblings would never put up with that. Or, mommy demanded it, threatened to cut him off.
"Americas wang." Hilarious. Must tell my mom that one. She is a very happy, elderly Floridian. The gaters freak me out. My mom once accidentally ran over one. She thought it was a speed bump. Hehehe.
Good theory about Harold! When you tell your mom about Florida being America’s wang just be sure to cite the source: Homer Simpson.
If I was looking for a ride in Vegas, I think I’d prefer the driver to be Marsha Warfield - I don’t think Carrot Top or Vince McMahon could effectively navigate their way to the destination. Oh, I’m sorry, was that not the question posed? My bad. . .
Answering your own questions is totally OK! I’d ride with Marsha too, Bill.
Taxi. Carol Kane as Simka. Mic drop.
So good!
I loved this story. Loved Harold. Loved that his passenger was YOU - a great storyteller. I bought your e-books about a month ago but haven’t gotten to them yet. I’m hoping this was a delicious preview of what’s to come?
I loved the OG Night Court. It pushed comedic boundaries that just can’t be pushed today in sitcom format unless it’s a streaming series. I really like Melissa Rauch from her Big Bang Theory days, and since she roped Laroquette back in, I decided to give it a chance. But two episodes in and I just couldn’t anymore. Decidedly unfunny. (If anyone made it further and thinks I should revisit, I’m all ears).
My favorite taxi-like scene is actually from the seemingly little-known but insanely funny movie Office Christmas Party. The comedian Fortune Feimster is an Uber driver who has to take uptight CEO Jennifer Aniston somewhere. Feimster is like, “you should drive an Uber - you get to be the CEO of your own car!” And Aniston replies, “I AM a CEO.” 😂. (also, don’t miss the outtakes at the end of the film where you catch Feimster riffing in that same scene - it’s gold).
Mortimer for President!! (also, good tactic putting him at the end but previewing the move early in the post 😉). My posts always end with a cat pic section I call Cat Dump 🐈⬛ 💩.
Oh, one more thing. Mortimer will have a tough time running for president. There are some scandal in his past and a few skeletons in the closet.
yes, but how many INDICTMENTS does he have? those could (apparently) help him
He has multiple convictions, but they’re all in LA County. In many states, that’s a badge of honor. So maybe there’s a chance. But I should
warn you, he’s old. Too old, everyone says. Thirteen, or as the vet says, “pushing 14.” He’s in great shape, though. The same vet says he’s got the health of an 8-year-old.
Amy, thank you for buying the ebooks. This story is pretty typical of what you’ll find in Ride/Share.
As for the New Night Court, you lasted longer than me. I watched the pilot and while pilots can be rough, I just couldn’t go on. I’m not sure it’s possible to recapture the magic. That said, one Night Court occupied a strange space in TV writer land in the early aughts. Nearly every manager and lit agent I met wanted the next Night Court, or felt strongly that there needed to be a reboot. I was sympathetic. I loved the show and as an aspiring screenwriter with comedy chops and a JD, this felt like it was up my alley. But for reasons that are beyond me, it took more than a decade to make the reboot happen, and well, it kinda sucks. In the meantime we got a show about a bowling alley lawyer that didn’t last and a Fred Savage legal comedy that kinda shit the bed. I don’t know what this says about Hollywood, but I don’t think it says anything good. Thankfully, there is Jury Duty, which is a great and groundbreaking legal comedy.
As for Office Christmas Party, that film is underrated. Jennifer Aniston was great in that movie.
oh, yikes about the bad legal shows, but I'll have to check out Jury Duty. And, "shit the bed" is a great expression and really needs to be used more. Totally agree about OCP and Jennifer Aniston. The guy who played her brother was so funny too (don't know his name). So many great comedic actors in that movie.
Jury Duty is on Amazon’s free service. You have to watch the ads. I happily watched the ads. That’s how good that show is.
“Suddenly, I had a twang in my voice. That worried me, so I moved the conversation away from Florida.”
I find myself doing this when I go back home (so Southern California). I hate it. But put me on a beach, next to a boarder, and all of a sudden I’m filling pauses and getting pitted.
I think this is normal. I want to say it’s called “mirroring” but maybe there’s another name for it. Basically, it’s human instinct to fit in.
It is called "linguistic convergence", Michael, when you mimic the pronunciation or mirror sentence structures and words of someone you are talking to. It's usually unconscious, a natural way we humans establish rapport. I, myself, have a sympathetic ear and am prone to converge especially in North Dakota, Texas,and Louisiana. Just an interesting side-subject in a REALLY funny piece. Thanks for lyfting my spirits.
Thank you, Sharron! That’s exactly the term I was thinking of. A fascinating side subject indeed.
Weird specificity is its own kind of truth. I believe Harold's as weird and wild as advertised. Great story!
Thanks! I like to believe that Harold is telling Carrot Top about Vince right now.