I ask the barista if there’s a password for the internet. “No,” she says. “You just have to accept the terms of service, and boom, you’re rocking and rolling.” “Well, I’m about to rock and roll, so you better salute me.” Judging from her face, the barista doesn’t get the reference. But before I can tell her to Google it, she hits me with the harsh reality of surfing ye olde internet.
If the bartender is a therapist the barista is the cultural sage. I wonder if said barista can hack into said data. Can’t do scones anymore. Miss them.
Omg, the crockpot comment cracked me up. My husband is constantly complaining, “if these algorithms are so good that they track my every click and search, how is it they can’t figure out when I’ve ALREADY BOUGHT the thing?”
Okay, this vaguely terrified me. 🙀 And how do we see our own data? Meanwhile: I love this barista even if she doesn’t know AC/DC. I feel like you two could become good friends!
I’ve had good traditional scones while traveling, but most scones I find at local coffee shop (and especially Starbucks) are pretty bad. When you say dip them, do you mean dip them in your coffee or tea? I’ve only ever put cream and jam on them n
Oh yeah, jam and cream are also a reason (and that's probably more traditional than dunking) but yeah I dip mine in coffee or tea or take a bite then a sip.
I once wrote about a NYC laundry pick up and delivery service. The founders admitted to me that it was all an elaborate plot to collect delivery data on each customer--how long the elevator ride took, etc. Bizarre!
My favorite line in this issue: “Then why is the coffee $5?”
As I understand data monetization there is an “ad exchange” like the stock market where Google and Facebook are like the fund managers who create mutual funds and advertisers purchase an index based on the demographics they want to see their ads, such as males 25-40 who have watched slacker noir movies. Pricing is based on metrics like “click thru” rates (how frequently we cattle visit the advertiser’s “landing page” and the subset thereof who begin or complete the process of providing payment information).
I searched for scone of Giphy. I figured I’d find some generic scones that I probably wouldn’t use, but then I found Danger Scone, and I just couldn’t pass on that.
1. I thought the coffee shop scones were decorative, like stock paintings of gambling dogs. Eating one seems like gambling.
2. My inner completionist says to complete the set. And my outer completionist. They complete each other.
3. They’re banking on getting lunch out of the conversation altogether.
4. Definitely a spendthrift, I have one of the most well-documented lives in history. I’m guessing a government outfit, nothing burns like taxpayer money.
5. If I make it Lovecraftiant enough, someone else might leave it alone. Why make it easy? If you want my shopping habits, you’re wading through 4 Terabytes of Sumerian erotic poetry.
Micheal, once again another gem. Any one of us that uses the internet regularly has a certain amount of fear factor as to where and how our data is being used. I even have thought, is this data collecting taking control of my mind, too. Isn't data largely are thoughts searching for more thoughts?
I am such a fan that I am reading Not Safe for Work and enjoying it, so funny. I am about half way through the book and anxious to know the ending. Be well.
Judith, thank you so much for letting me know that you're enjoying Not Safe for Work! I hope you enjoy the rest of the book. And if you're so inclined, please leave a quick review on Amazon. It really helps.
Wouldn’t bulgogi tacos make the world a better place?
The best scones I ever ate are in the cafeteria at Arcadia Methodist Hospital. They’re Sodexo scones, and I’d give my data for the recipe.
There is a bulgogi taco truck, and I do think they make the world a better place.
Augh, I’m jealous. My company’s Sodexo scones always looks small and sad!
There aren’t many great things in Arcadia, CA, but those hospital scones …*chef’s kiss*
Who is this barista?! Can we be best friends if I promise to eat their leftover dusty scones?!
If the bartender is a therapist the barista is the cultural sage. I wonder if said barista can hack into said data. Can’t do scones anymore. Miss them.
I think you’re on to something. The barista occupies a special place in the culture of the 21st century, much like the bartenders of the last century.
Omg, the crockpot comment cracked me up. My husband is constantly complaining, “if these algorithms are so good that they track my every click and search, how is it they can’t figure out when I’ve ALREADY BOUGHT the thing?”
Tell your husband I see him. The online ad industry doesn’t see him, not really. But I see him.
I appreciate your taking the time to work the Roomba into this
The Roomba exists to clean our floors, terrorize our dog, and map our floor plan (probably so it can sell that data to Zillow and Redfin).
I’ve always felt that Abe Lincoln would have been less gloomy all the time if he’d owned a Roomba.
It would’ve been a real game changer in that log cabin where he learned to read by candle light (like everyone else in those pre-electricity days).
If he’d owned a Roomba, he probably would have been the first person to use the expression “game changer.”
Middle schooler about to take history test, writes this on his arm with a Sharpie
Lincoln
1. Freed slaves
2. Owned Roomba
3. Came up with phrase “game changer”
4. Stovepipe hat
“And who is that, exactly?”
“It’s a dynamic situation,” she says. 😂😂
Okay, this vaguely terrified me. 🙀 And how do we see our own data? Meanwhile: I love this barista even if she doesn’t know AC/DC. I feel like you two could become good friends!
It’s refreshing to hear such honesty. Was she wearing a data miner helmet?
I wish!
Traditional scones are dry. You're supposed to dip 'em. But I've made many a nice, moist scone so maybe they just do it for shelf life? 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve had good traditional scones while traveling, but most scones I find at local coffee shop (and especially Starbucks) are pretty bad. When you say dip them, do you mean dip them in your coffee or tea? I’ve only ever put cream and jam on them n
Oh yeah, jam and cream are also a reason (and that's probably more traditional than dunking) but yeah I dip mine in coffee or tea or take a bite then a sip.
I’m going to try dipping sometime. This could be a game-changer.
I once wrote about a NYC laundry pick up and delivery service. The founders admitted to me that it was all an elaborate plot to collect delivery data on each customer--how long the elevator ride took, etc. Bizarre!
My favorite line in this issue: “Then why is the coffee $5?”
When people say things like "data is the new oil," these kinds of plots (I mean business models) become commonplace.
You know, this would make for some damn fine fiction. Each donut and coffee going for 1 terabyte of data.
Please, please, tell me that this happened, because that's the type of coffee shop I'd visit. The waitress is drop dead sexy.
I was laughing the whole time I read it. It's getting shared and restacked, sir.
Thanks for the Restack, Joseph!
As I understand data monetization there is an “ad exchange” like the stock market where Google and Facebook are like the fund managers who create mutual funds and advertisers purchase an index based on the demographics they want to see their ads, such as males 25-40 who have watched slacker noir movies. Pricing is based on metrics like “click thru” rates (how frequently we cattle visit the advertiser’s “landing page” and the subset thereof who begin or complete the process of providing payment information).
You’ve got the gist of it, Ken.
Did you just happen to find a “Danger: Scone” GIF? That a very specific and relevant GIF!
I searched for scone of Giphy. I figured I’d find some generic scones that I probably wouldn’t use, but then I found Danger Scone, and I just couldn’t pass on that.
The Giphy Gods we’re kind to you.
They've accepted our offering of data
With all that intrigue -- and who doesn’t enjoy a big data conspiracy theory -- did you actually get your coffee?
I did get my coffee. It was OK.
1. I thought the coffee shop scones were decorative, like stock paintings of gambling dogs. Eating one seems like gambling.
2. My inner completionist says to complete the set. And my outer completionist. They complete each other.
3. They’re banking on getting lunch out of the conversation altogether.
4. Definitely a spendthrift, I have one of the most well-documented lives in history. I’m guessing a government outfit, nothing burns like taxpayer money.
5. If I make it Lovecraftiant enough, someone else might leave it alone. Why make it easy? If you want my shopping habits, you’re wading through 4 Terabytes of Sumerian erotic poetry.
I've gambled on coffee shop scones and lost. It's a problem. I need help.
A pastry warrior. Coffee shops are the only place a macaron has betrayed me, so my heart is sour.
Micheal, once again another gem. Any one of us that uses the internet regularly has a certain amount of fear factor as to where and how our data is being used. I even have thought, is this data collecting taking control of my mind, too. Isn't data largely are thoughts searching for more thoughts?
I am such a fan that I am reading Not Safe for Work and enjoying it, so funny. I am about half way through the book and anxious to know the ending. Be well.
Judith, thank you so much for letting me know that you're enjoying Not Safe for Work! I hope you enjoy the rest of the book. And if you're so inclined, please leave a quick review on Amazon. It really helps.