If you don’t have business cards that say “Michael Estrin: better an a priest” you’re doing it wrong. Although to be fair, Alice only said you’re better than her priest. She could just have a really bad one.
1: Triscuits are only good as a dip delivery vehicle. The crackers have a good size and since there’s a lot of texture to them, your dip of choice won’t side off. If you’re just eating plain triscuits, you’re probably a serial killer.
2: I gave up Catholicism years ago, despite my parents best efforts to make it stick.
3: I think the people who say audiobooks are cheating think that reading a book is a more active activity. You’re sitting there, you have to pay attention, you’re turning pages. If you’ve got an audiobook you can just press play and listen as much or as little as you like. It can be a passive activity. I don’t buy this, people should enjoy books in whatever format they like.
I think you’re right about the people who shit on audiobooks. I don’t subscribe to their argument, but I think you nailed it. You also make a good case for triscuits. Not buying those either, but in a pinch they’ll do for dipping.
If you think Triscuits are bad, try Gluten Free Crackers. Not only do you pay 3 to 4 times as much for them, but they are generally awful!
I left the Catholic church too. I miss the ritual. And most people aren't aware that over four years, their four cycles, you've heard the entire Bible. I think that's pretty cool.
I love books! Read over 110 in 2022, 60ish last year. My goal is always one book a week. I'm not a huge listening/viewing fan. Maybe I need that book in hand to focus my attention. But I'm planning to give it a try!
Michael is fast becoming my favorite. One of his books is next on my list!
Hi Michael! Another stellar issue. I'm beginning to think you have tremendous luck stumbling into these ready-made stories. Or have a rare skill in turning routine, benign encounters into wonderful, hilarious tales. (Mad respect for the latter, I know how hard it is to do that. I tear my hair out every time I write a newsletter issue.)
Thank you, Rohan! I’m sure there’s luck and skill at work, but a big helper is a willingness to lean into conversations in mundane moments. Most people just make the usual chit chat about the weather (which is how my convo began with Alice, but I cut that because it’s boring), or they avoid talking to strangers.
Funny thing is, I love matzo. Can't get enough of it. Matzo with butter. Matzo with cream cheese. Matzo with hummus. Matzo and eggs. I not sure if any of those versions would save a triscuit for me.
And no added calcium, like regular breads, crackers!
So those of us on hypothyroid meds (highly common and increasingly so, medication these days) can eat matzo for breakfast.
. Recent pharma discovery (confirmed at pharmavy) is Thyroid meds have notorious absorption problem if you ingest any hi calcium food or vitamin, within four hrs following the meds.
Been able to reduce my meds 25% since knowing about this, tho severely restricts what you can have for breakfast. :)
1. haven't had one in decades, but my memory was how salty they were, and that's why I liked them.
2. I'm at an age where I have already given up so much I will be damned if I will give up one more thing.
3, Besides the fact that recently I made more on my sales of audiobooks than either print or ebooks, I have also started doing almost all my own recreational reading that way. I used to say I would save them for when I was old and blind, but turns out, old and to busy writing to take time just sitting and reading a book is a thing. Audiobooks while cleaning, making meals, and walking, gets me nearly 2 hours of recreational reading time a day and I love it!
4 and 5, completely out of my wheelhouse but fun to read about.
I hope it works out for Alice too! I gotta say, I appreciate how self-aware you are about Grape Nuts. I am not a fan. But that just means more Grape Nuts for you.
"You got a way of reframing things. I like that. My friend wanted me to give up audiobooks for Lent. Because of all the sex scenes. I like it spicy. But I also like learning about history. Is that wrong?”
“No. It’s great. If people didn’t have sex, history would be a very short story"
NOOOOOOOOOO! Wait a minute. Actually, this is a good thing. Conflict = story. The next time you wanna do a deep dive into food, do a piece on crackers. I'm counting on you, Anne.
My neighborhood has a lot of boba shops. As far as I can tell, those shops are where the cool kids go to hang out after class. I don't crave boba, but whenever I have it I enjoy it. I don't know why, but I love the Tapioca balls.
(1) Triscuits are only good if you're very, very stoned. And even then, they're not that good.
(2) Nothing. Nada. The only time I gave up anything was my last year at university when - for some reason long lost to history - I gave up chocolate. And then proceeded to stay at a friend's house in Annapolis on the way to a wedding in Long Island (that's a completely different story) who's mother had made the most gorgeous cake. Well, being a guest and all, I ate a piece (I think my Lenten deprivation asted three days). It was OK, though, because she died a few weeks later - and I consoled myself by thinking: well, at least she knew I liked her cake.
(3) They're dicks, obviously.
(4) Acid flashbacks are not cheating. They're just peaks amongst the troughs that compose our long, strange trip. Why on earth would any hallucination be considered cheating? That's just ... mad.
(5) Mix those Velveeta 'cheese' cops with a bottle of salsa, pop that bad boy into a microwave, melt and mix. And then scoop the bloody looking mixture up with some cheap-ass tortilla chips while downing bottles of Dos Equis - but between each scoop and drink, ask your heart: 'Are you feeling lucky?'
As for giving up acid for Lent, well that begs a few questions. But I would strongly suggest ending that period of deprivation by taking acid on Easter and proceeding to attend a graveyard sunrise service. Puts it ALL into perspective.
Bryan, your plan for the Velveeta cops might be the kind of police reform this country has been waiting for. If we can get a big cheese PAC and a big salsa PAC and a big chips PAC and a big beer PAC behind you, I think you'd be a viable third-party candidate, and oh what a party it would be.
That made my day! I hope you find out if the loans are forgiven.
That's what I want to know. Promise you'll put it in a post if you find out her loans were forgiven.
Promise!
Totally made my day too! I'm also clocking this promise!
I also want to know. I'm invested now. So shines a good deed, to quote the original Willy Wonka movie.
Thanks Michael! I’m long between haircuts, but I’ll ask when I go back.
If you don’t have business cards that say “Michael Estrin: better an a priest” you’re doing it wrong. Although to be fair, Alice only said you’re better than her priest. She could just have a really bad one.
1: Triscuits are only good as a dip delivery vehicle. The crackers have a good size and since there’s a lot of texture to them, your dip of choice won’t side off. If you’re just eating plain triscuits, you’re probably a serial killer.
2: I gave up Catholicism years ago, despite my parents best efforts to make it stick.
3: I think the people who say audiobooks are cheating think that reading a book is a more active activity. You’re sitting there, you have to pay attention, you’re turning pages. If you’ve got an audiobook you can just press play and listen as much or as little as you like. It can be a passive activity. I don’t buy this, people should enjoy books in whatever format they like.
I think you’re right about the people who shit on audiobooks. I don’t subscribe to their argument, but I think you nailed it. You also make a good case for triscuits. Not buying those either, but in a pinch they’ll do for dipping.
Cosmo, great points!
If you think Triscuits are bad, try Gluten Free Crackers. Not only do you pay 3 to 4 times as much for them, but they are generally awful!
I left the Catholic church too. I miss the ritual. And most people aren't aware that over four years, their four cycles, you've heard the entire Bible. I think that's pretty cool.
I love books! Read over 110 in 2022, 60ish last year. My goal is always one book a week. I'm not a huge listening/viewing fan. Maybe I need that book in hand to focus my attention. But I'm planning to give it a try!
Michael is fast becoming my favorite. One of his books is next on my list!
Thanks you, Michele! I hope you enjoy the book!
Hi Michael! Another stellar issue. I'm beginning to think you have tremendous luck stumbling into these ready-made stories. Or have a rare skill in turning routine, benign encounters into wonderful, hilarious tales. (Mad respect for the latter, I know how hard it is to do that. I tear my hair out every time I write a newsletter issue.)
Either way, please keep them coming!
Thank you, Rohan! I’m sure there’s luck and skill at work, but a big helper is a willingness to lean into conversations in mundane moments. Most people just make the usual chit chat about the weather (which is how my convo began with Alice, but I cut that because it’s boring), or they avoid talking to strangers.
I love this. I love that something that was 90% dialogue managed to keep me from beginning to end. I hope Alice’s debts were wiped.
Thanks Sophie!
1. Triscuits, like matzo, are cardboard. I like them both because of the texture.
2. Congrats, Miracle Max, on potentially erasing another person's debt. You're a good man.
3. Audiobooks are books. That's why the libraries offer them.
4. Does it hurt when you get a haircut? Some people hate the sensation.
Funny thing is, I love matzo. Can't get enough of it. Matzo with butter. Matzo with cream cheese. Matzo with hummus. Matzo and eggs. I not sure if any of those versions would save a triscuit for me.
Ditto!!
And no added calcium, like regular breads, crackers!
So those of us on hypothyroid meds (highly common and increasingly so, medication these days) can eat matzo for breakfast.
. Recent pharma discovery (confirmed at pharmavy) is Thyroid meds have notorious absorption problem if you ingest any hi calcium food or vitamin, within four hrs following the meds.
Been able to reduce my meds 25% since knowing about this, tho severely restricts what you can have for breakfast. :)
1. haven't had one in decades, but my memory was how salty they were, and that's why I liked them.
2. I'm at an age where I have already given up so much I will be damned if I will give up one more thing.
3, Besides the fact that recently I made more on my sales of audiobooks than either print or ebooks, I have also started doing almost all my own recreational reading that way. I used to say I would save them for when I was old and blind, but turns out, old and to busy writing to take time just sitting and reading a book is a thing. Audiobooks while cleaning, making meals, and walking, gets me nearly 2 hours of recreational reading time a day and I love it!
4 and 5, completely out of my wheelhouse but fun to read about.
I love to listen to audiobooks while cleaning. I feel accomplished and entertained. Congrats on the audiobook sales!
I really hope it works out for her!
I like Triscuits (especially with cheddar) but I'm also one of those weirdos who likes Grape Nuts (since I was a kid!) so you can't go by me.
I hope it works out for Alice too! I gotta say, I appreciate how self-aware you are about Grape Nuts. I am not a fan. But that just means more Grape Nuts for you.
Hell yeah! I'd say our family's in the top decile for Grape Nuts consumption worldwide. If you know, you know.
You’re keeping Grape Nuts alive.
Great conversation! I hope you save her $30K, that’d be wonderful. I was imagining Alice as Natasha Lyonne.
In twenty years Natasha will be perfect for the part.
I gave up cold turkey for Lent. . .I kinda’ miss it.
Is hot turkey still on the menu?
As long as you dial-in stuffing and mashed potatoes.
Forgot… poor Mortimer!!!
Thank you! Love it!
Cardboard with a ton of preservatives.
I gave up religion.
I love my books in paper but audio is better than nothing.
Blue cheese….
Enjoyed this writing so much!
PS-I have saved this very clever snippet:
"You got a way of reframing things. I like that. My friend wanted me to give up audiobooks for Lent. Because of all the sex scenes. I like it spicy. But I also like learning about history. Is that wrong?”
“No. It’s great. If people didn’t have sex, history would be a very short story"
Thank you, Nancy!
Dern! I SO SURE you had a free haircut coming!
And I’m sorry but Triscuits are delicious. One of the very top crackers. And I really like crackers!
NOOOOOOOOOO! Wait a minute. Actually, this is a good thing. Conflict = story. The next time you wanna do a deep dive into food, do a piece on crackers. I'm counting on you, Anne.
OMG I have so much to say about crackers. Including the tragic discontinuation of the STONED WHEAT THIN. WTF????
They discontinued stoned wheat thins? I smell an investigation brewing.
AND NO ONE BOTHERED TO NOTIFY ME!!!
My wife gave up boba tea for lent. I gave up asking her to buy me some.
I personally prefer reading books, I find that I can't focus on the book if I'm listening and physically doing something else at the same time.
I don't get the audiobooks hatred though, people can read books while doing handstands for all I care, you do you boo.
My neighborhood has a lot of boba shops. As far as I can tell, those shops are where the cool kids go to hang out after class. I don't crave boba, but whenever I have it I enjoy it. I don't know why, but I love the Tapioca balls.
It's the texture. Also we live in Vietnam, having Boba is like drinking water.
You're right! The texture is everything. Also, I'm jealous that you live in Vietnam. How'd you swing that, if I may ask?
My wife got a job contract here. We moved for her work.
Nice!
So, in response to the questions:
(1) Triscuits are only good if you're very, very stoned. And even then, they're not that good.
(2) Nothing. Nada. The only time I gave up anything was my last year at university when - for some reason long lost to history - I gave up chocolate. And then proceeded to stay at a friend's house in Annapolis on the way to a wedding in Long Island (that's a completely different story) who's mother had made the most gorgeous cake. Well, being a guest and all, I ate a piece (I think my Lenten deprivation asted three days). It was OK, though, because she died a few weeks later - and I consoled myself by thinking: well, at least she knew I liked her cake.
(3) They're dicks, obviously.
(4) Acid flashbacks are not cheating. They're just peaks amongst the troughs that compose our long, strange trip. Why on earth would any hallucination be considered cheating? That's just ... mad.
(5) Mix those Velveeta 'cheese' cops with a bottle of salsa, pop that bad boy into a microwave, melt and mix. And then scoop the bloody looking mixture up with some cheap-ass tortilla chips while downing bottles of Dos Equis - but between each scoop and drink, ask your heart: 'Are you feeling lucky?'
As for giving up acid for Lent, well that begs a few questions. But I would strongly suggest ending that period of deprivation by taking acid on Easter and proceeding to attend a graveyard sunrise service. Puts it ALL into perspective.
Bryan, your plan for the Velveeta cops might be the kind of police reform this country has been waiting for. If we can get a big cheese PAC and a big salsa PAC and a big chips PAC and a big beer PAC behind you, I think you'd be a viable third-party candidate, and oh what a party it would be.
It would definitely be a party. Definitely.
Great story, Michael. Miracles come in different forms...
I've no idea what Triscuits are. Sounds like they should be approached with a good deal of scepticism.
Thanks Yasmin! A triscuit is a wheat cracker that’s best avoided.