Hello, situation normies! A quick housekeeping note before we start. This Sunday’s story is for paying subscribers only. That means 98% of you won’t get to read this Sunday’s story. But it doesn’t have to be like that. If you enjoy Situation Normal every Wednesday and Sunday, please consider upgrading to a paid subscription.
1. Get life insurance for the liquor. For $17K premiums, you know the owner will keep a sharper eye on it.
2. Nope. I don’t dig on eating dinner-flavored desserts.
3. Huy Fong sriracha ice cream. The dairy will cut the heat, and there is a sweetness to sriracha that’ll make it play nicely with the ice cream.
4. Once they pinch me for all those computer games I pirated in my childhood, my last meal will be baked Alaska featuring sriracha ice cream with some fully insured hooch poured over it. I will leave behind no loose ends, by God.
5. I came across a $20 that said READ SITUATION NORMAL, FOOL but I had to part with it before taking its photo because my life insurance premiums are just insane. The struggle is real.
My idea for preventing booze theft? Drink it all.
No way I’d eat Chick’n ice cream. But yes to Waffle ice cream! I think the whole “let’s make strange flavors of ice cream” idea is wrong. Ice Cream deserves to be good, not weird.
My last meal would have to include Lemon Custard Ice Cream. Truly the nectar of the gods for me. I was caught reading NSFW and was driving everyone crazy with laughter.
My bills say “Track me at WheresGeorge.com”
Finding a good Italian deli in the Pacific Northwest is as hard as acquiring a leprechaun's gold. Back in New Jersey, there used to be a deli around the corner from me that made the best Bufala Mozzarella with sundried tomatoes and peppers on ciabatta bread subs that were "il paradiso supremo del gusto!" That and a can of Burnt Orange soda are the two things I'd pay a bucket of graffitied dollar bills for in these here Sasquatch Hinterlands.
I have tried clam chowder ice cream. It tasted like cold clam chowder and the clams were chopped up like little chocolate chips only when I encountered them , they squished instead exploded into a nice little blast of pleasure. So maybe skip linguini and clam ? I am, however, considering making avocado ice cream just to see if it works with chips and salsa if it works out, I'll send the recipe on over to B&R.
My last meal: my mother's chocolate mousse. I was framed for breaking into a liquor store and handing out all the booze to old guys who wanted a drink with their sandwiches.
Loved this. Great example of very fun eavesdropping!
Coincidentally, I just had a conversation about savory ice cream and whether or not it’s too weird. I’ve had black sesame ice cream and it’s very good. If I was pitching a savory flavor, I’d pitch Giant Pretzel Ice Cream. I think some food genius could make it work.
1. Party down. An empty bottle is hardly a loss.
2. Yes, but I’m a bad person to ask. I’d try a lit firecracker, once.
3. I’ll test their devotion to post-modern ice cream. Kimchi. Asparagus. Styrofoam. It’s time to show the ice cream gods that man rules this world.
4. I’d have to go with generously spiced, honey-dipped, slow-roasted LSD. I might as well see Hades before I meet him.
5. Very often, back in high school. I like to imagine a small movement of economic grafitti. A direct attack on the only thing the machine cares about. The ex/phone number combo was a mainstay.
Two bottles of booze?! Pfft! I used to work at Vons in the pharmacy and there was an adjacent emergency door that opened onto the loading dock. One night I looked up to see two guys push a shopping cart full of booze through the door to the loading dock and into the trunk of their waiting car. Not sure how many bottles that was, but it was A LOT.
Omg the sandwich person. Growing up I was surrounded by some real familial characters. From a big band director at the Mark Thompson’s in SF to pipe fitters working shipyards in New Orleans and Vancouver Wa. My aunt Margie - rest her soul- used to instruct anyone making her vodka martini: “next, show the drink the bottle of vermouth, just show it, with spite and contempt ... then place the vermouth in a spray bottle, just before you spray it, laugh at the martini and immediately thrown the spray not the away but make sure the martini sees you do it”. Every time. “Aunt Margie, so no vermouth?” She would look at me sideways, “follow the exact instructions or the drink is ruined.”
1. Keep it behind a counter and hire a booze salesman. But then, I once stole two packs of cigarettes from Vons (1987 - a low point)
2. I would, but it was March’s flavor of the month, and I doubt we’ll see that one again.
3. I dunno - I’m still laughing at linguine and clams! A Christmas delight!
4. Pizza. For the crime, see #1.
5. I think it was something about the Illuminati.
1. Prohibition. That worked before, right?
2. No. Savory flavors counteract the richness and sweetness that makes ice cream incredible in the first place. Plus, it sounds truly awful.
Ha ha. Good question. I don't think that anyone was questioning their motive at the time. I think we were all just stunned by their chutzpah.
A good Italian Deli and ice cream are fun to think about as they are not big players for me anymore. My favorite Italian Deli and the sandwich they originated is Central Grocery in New Orleans and the muffaletta -- one of the top three sandwiches of all time!!! Furthermore for local color, it is tough to beat the French Quarter -- Q3 : While everything tastes better on vacation, I had cardomom flavored ice cream -- it was excellent -- continued best wishes and good luck with Situation Normal.