I turned forty-six last week. Everything went great. Christina took me to one of those fancy brunch places where they check your credit score before serving you avocado toast.
Very happy to see that my Japanese snack box made it into the newsletter, and I demand to be allowed to poll your readers about whether or not they know the (perhaps camping, perhaps Girl Scouts, perhaps Girl Scout Camp) song, "Old Mother Leary's Cow," in which a cow is responsible for burning down Chicago.
Camp Fire Girls -- now Campfire Campers -- know the song. Duh! Girl Scouts probably do, but still wondering why they were stuck with green miniskirts all those years.
The miniskirts are another mystery. But let's get back to the song. Betsy, do you happen to know if it's something that's specific to Girl Scouts, or is it a kids song that's more widely known? This was the question on my birthday when Gina sang it in the middle of our Monickers game and everyone looked at her like she was nuts. Note: she was the only Girl Scout present.
I didn't think this newsletter could recover from the flames erupting from the pig rectum, but not only did you make me laugh, you caught me off guard by giving us a plug! Never have I been so wrong about my initial impression.
However, please no more animals with flames erupting from their rectums. I'm a sensitive soul....
I am an adult child who receives birthday checks. I think it’s a parent’s way of saying, “I love you, but I’m pretty sure you’re not still into Ninja Turtles, so get whatever you like for yourself now.”
But she can't be certain. When I was 6, I played with Ninja Turtle action figures around the house. But I rarely, if ever, play with Ninja Turtle action figures on our Sunday FaceTime calls.
That said, yeah, I absolutely spent the money at the movies! Those monthly theater subscriptions are the best.
Now you're over the hump and looking ahead to 50! That's when it starts. When they say life begins at fifty, it doesn't make any sense, until you're 50! (And yes, save some of Mom's cheque for gummies.)
As someone who can't afford to pay for substack, but who also writes a substack myself, I think limiting comments to paid readers is setting up a two-tiered 'have vs. have not' system on substack that mirrors the problems between elites and everyone else "out there". If you want to limit comments to paid readers, then limit the posts to paid readers too so the rest of us don't feel disenfranchised as valued readers. And don't expect people to like a post if they aren't allowed to comment; they may not say anything but they will express their unhappiness with being "silenced" through other means like withholding a like. The other problem is that you are shutting people out from comments who actually might have something really cool, funny, or insightful to say. I have considered unsubscribing from writers who turn off comments to free readers. To say that we are not paying something is actually incorrect, as we are giving the writer our attention in a world where everyone is vying for our attention, not to mention the fact that we may be forwarding the posts we like on to other people who then sign up for a subscription themselves. We are the silent word of mouth army. Personally, I think substack should get rid of the 'silence the proletariat' option because it's a bad look these days to be elitist, and because we are most of humanity. Maybe I'll start a movement to battle for freebie rights. Thanks, Michael -- I was looking for a righteous cause. I'll call it "Free the Freebies." Or maybe you can recommend a grabbier name?
And happy birthday, dude! Wishing you a great year.
Hi E.Z.! First, thank you for the birthday wishes! Second, I really appreciate your thoughts here. Your comment is exactly why I asked the question. There are a handful of ways to grow a paid audience on Substack, and I'm trying to figure out an approach that works for me and the Situation Normal community. That's easier said than done, but I do appreciate your feedback. Thank you!
Good points. I do think this changes as a Stack grows, though. Bots are already trickling into the platform, and they seem very similar to Twitter bots. I think larger publications will have a real cesspool on their hands eventually.
My favorite family game night is Pictionary, but only if I get either my niece or my sibkid on my team because they are both INCREDIBLE artists and I am the world’s best guesser (yeah, I said it). My strategy is that the second the timer flips, I just start guessing random shit. Once or twice, this actually worked and I guessed the answer before the thing was even partially drawn. Obviously once the drawing starts taking shape, my guesses get better, but they still come rapid-fire. I am rarely on the losing team. The key is to NEVER let me draw, both because I’m the world’s best guesser and simultaneously in the lowest percentiles of drawers.
One time, my sibkid had to draw civil war. They quickly drew a rough rendition of the Eastern seaboard, then an approximate Mason-Dixon line, and then a very crude side profile of Lincoln. All in a matter of seconds. BOOM. So good.
Okay, onto the paid/free and Wednesday thing. So, I am on a fixed (disability) income and so far I’ve only been able to pay for two very cheap Substack subscriptions. I upgraded to paid a few months ago because one is financial and educates me in an area of weakness and the other is social justice related and a cause I really believe in. That said, I honestly pay no attention to what I “get” for the money over what a free subscriber gets. I don’t subscribe for volume of work or “gimme gimme gimme”; I subscribe for the value to me in particular. I’d pay for these even if I wasn’t offered anything additional. I think a lot of Substack writers spend too much time worrying about what they’re “delivering” for their paid subscribers, many if not most of whom are not paying that close attention.
BUT, I can also tell you what pisses me off as a free subscriber to most newsletters. I hate preview posts and I hate when comments are locked. Preview posts feel arrogant to me, like a game. I don’t even open them, because why bother? They will never be the reason I start paying for a subscription. Ever. Locked comments? Huge turn-off. Also would not entice me to upgrade. But you know what might? Letting me comment and using that section to reel me in further. I like engagement. I fucking hate gatekeeping.
Ask Amran. He recently very successfully got me interested in his stuff and the engagement has been great.
Your engagement with me has been really great too, I’ve really appreciated it. And I always look forward to what you write. As soon as my $ circumstances change, you can bet your sweet bippy I’ll remember whose writing was consistently high quality AND who cared enough to engage.
That’s a lot of work for my few clams, I recognize. But then again, I’m the future subscriber who doesn’t expect quantity or exclusive paid-sub content over quality, so I think I’m actually a good bet.
Hi Amy, first the easy part. I love your Pictionary story. Thank you for sharing that! Pictionary is a tough game for me because I'm not great at drawing. I have messy handwriting too. I'm probably good enough for Pictionary (whatever that means), but I'm also self-conscious about just how bad I am with pen and paper. But I love the creativity of the civil war example. Personally, I would've just given up, but that's a drawing I could probably sorta maybe execute on.
Second, I REALLY appreciate your thoughts on restricting comments to paid subscribers and previews. I think I used a preview once by accident -- I meant to send only to paid subs, but the Substack content management system got wonky on me, or let's be honest, it may have been user error. But I hear you on previews, those feel off. The paid comments thing felt a little off too, which is why I asked about it, so you've given me a lot to think about. Thank you!
I forgot to add that although I despise previews and locked comments, it doesn’t bother me at all when some posts are entirely for paid subscribers. I get that they maybe deserve a little something additional. That in no way feels unfair to me. I don’t need to see any of that post if I don’t pay you. I’ll get enough of a feel for you as a writer from your free posts and your engagement.
I think I feel ok about so far. Things felt a little rushed / hectic this morning, which is weird for an artificial, self-imposed deadline. But it also kind of brought me back to my daily news days, which were fun, once I got in the groove.
Glad to see the Wednesday version back again. And if today's is an example of what you put out in one hour, it should continue.
Being a King is good because shit rolls downhill and if you're anything less, you're going to get shit. On the other hand, complaints tend to go upward and as a King you get them from all the lower levels.
it's good to have a benevolent King, but the problem is that most of them aren't.
I never liked getting cash or checks as a gift except maybe at my bar mitzvah. I also hated getting clothes as a gift when I was a kid because I knew I'd be getting those anyway.
1. Haven't done a game night as a bona fide adult: kids.
2. Cutting edge.
3. Under no circumstance is having a king (or any monarch) a good idea. Imagine your favorite person. Now imagine that person as a king. Not good, right?
4. My mom sends me checks on my birthday these days. I consider them reparations.
5. Being totally candid here, I think I'd only drop a Wednesday post whenever you had bonus material, and whenever you were inspired, and I'd keep the posts free and open to all (tyranny is bad, right?). I did feel like the energy level of your Sunday posts had dipped for a while this past spring, which I worried might be attributable to the Wednesday post soaking up too much energy. Situation Normal is a fucking beast. You're an unstoppable media juggernaut. If you keep coming correct on Sundays, nobody will demand more "content" on Wednesdays. And then, when you do drop something on a Wednesday, people will be like: Oh snap, Michael showed up today! This shit's gonna be good.
BONUS: I've considered multiple FR posts per week, and I've found that whenever I've had two public posts in a week, total views and total open-rate have dropped. There's only so much attention to go around, and there's way too much incredible material to consume. My personal philosophy is that every single time my name pops up in somebody's inbox, I want it to feel like an EVENT. Like, oh shit, what did this maniac do now? In that regard, I'm actually thinking about throttling back to 2-3 posts per month. So few people pay for FR as is, and I'd rather create scarcity value than risk oversaturation. Plus, by recalibrating my output I'll have time to focus on other creative projects. I'm still brainstorming, but it's something I'm analyzing closely. Always happy to ideate offline if you're interested.
Thank you for this great feedback! A big part of the decision to put Wednesday on hiatus was that things were feeling more like a chore than a joy as we rolled into April / May. But after a summer away, I missed Wednesdays. I like the idea of occasional Wednesday post, or maybe just occasional posts when I feel like have something to share that's not Sunday story material. I don't quite know yet, but your feedback is really helpful!
Awesome, glad to hear my rambling was helpful! Obviously you've got a monster formula and you're rolling. Something about making Wednesdays feel like a special treat just speaks to me.
Very happy to see that my Japanese snack box made it into the newsletter, and I demand to be allowed to poll your readers about whether or not they know the (perhaps camping, perhaps Girl Scouts, perhaps Girl Scout Camp) song, "Old Mother Leary's Cow," in which a cow is responsible for burning down Chicago.
Looks like poll has begun!
Camp Fire Girls -- now Campfire Campers -- know the song. Duh! Girl Scouts probably do, but still wondering why they were stuck with green miniskirts all those years.
The miniskirts are another mystery. But let's get back to the song. Betsy, do you happen to know if it's something that's specific to Girl Scouts, or is it a kids song that's more widely known? This was the question on my birthday when Gina sang it in the middle of our Monickers game and everyone looked at her like she was nuts. Note: she was the only Girl Scout present.
I learned it in the 1970s at camp fire camp in lower Michigan. Maybe the Girl Scouts taught us. But none of the Girl Scouts here in Alameda CA knew it when my daughter was involved 15 years ago. I think you should all learn it for your next birthday. https://www.npr.org/local/309/2020/02/28/810014639/who-wrote-the-song-about-the-cow-that-started-the-great-chicago-fire
Gina: Mrs. O’Leary’s cow makes a cameo appearance in a recent Rule of Three weekly column - check it out for yourself. . .
https://ruleofthree.substack.com/p/the-real-chicago-seven.
I didn't think this newsletter could recover from the flames erupting from the pig rectum, but not only did you make me laugh, you caught me off guard by giving us a plug! Never have I been so wrong about my initial impression.
However, please no more animals with flames erupting from their rectums. I'm a sensitive soul....
Haha, I will try not to feature anymore animals with flames erupting from their rectums. It's a good note.
And we very much appreciate it! Glad you had such a nice birthday.
Thank you, Brent!
I am an adult child who receives birthday checks. I think it’s a parent’s way of saying, “I love you, but I’m pretty sure you’re not still into Ninja Turtles, so get whatever you like for yourself now.”
But you are still in Ninja Turtles. What I'm saying is, I think you spent that birthday check at the movies this year.
But she can't be certain. When I was 6, I played with Ninja Turtle action figures around the house. But I rarely, if ever, play with Ninja Turtle action figures on our Sunday FaceTime calls.
That said, yeah, I absolutely spent the money at the movies! Those monthly theater subscriptions are the best.
I did not know they were doing subscriptions. I need to look into that. Also... Turtle power.
🤣🤣🤣
From your picture you look like an excitable boy.
Bravo!
Happy bday ! 46 was a good one. I almost remember it. Here’s to 46 more logjammin years.
Ps. You can only imagine what happens next (“he fixes the cable?”) is my favorite exchange in that movie. Well done, Lebowski.
In a movie full of great lines, that line is so damn good, but also criminally under-appreciated.
Now you're over the hump and looking ahead to 50! That's when it starts. When they say life begins at fifty, it doesn't make any sense, until you're 50! (And yes, save some of Mom's cheque for gummies.)
So if life starts at 50, I'm telling people I'm Negative Four.
👨🦳Holy shit, I'm 35 again!!
Monty Python voice:
Nobody expects a lecture on the dangers of authoritarianism!
Haha, very true!
We all kinda need it, though. :-/
The birthday mom check, classic! You know what’s even more classic? My grandma who slips a $20 bill inside the card every single birthday! 🎂
Total classic. I’m also a fan of the $2 bill move, as well as the silver dollar.
As someone who can't afford to pay for substack, but who also writes a substack myself, I think limiting comments to paid readers is setting up a two-tiered 'have vs. have not' system on substack that mirrors the problems between elites and everyone else "out there". If you want to limit comments to paid readers, then limit the posts to paid readers too so the rest of us don't feel disenfranchised as valued readers. And don't expect people to like a post if they aren't allowed to comment; they may not say anything but they will express their unhappiness with being "silenced" through other means like withholding a like. The other problem is that you are shutting people out from comments who actually might have something really cool, funny, or insightful to say. I have considered unsubscribing from writers who turn off comments to free readers. To say that we are not paying something is actually incorrect, as we are giving the writer our attention in a world where everyone is vying for our attention, not to mention the fact that we may be forwarding the posts we like on to other people who then sign up for a subscription themselves. We are the silent word of mouth army. Personally, I think substack should get rid of the 'silence the proletariat' option because it's a bad look these days to be elitist, and because we are most of humanity. Maybe I'll start a movement to battle for freebie rights. Thanks, Michael -- I was looking for a righteous cause. I'll call it "Free the Freebies." Or maybe you can recommend a grabbier name?
And happy birthday, dude! Wishing you a great year.
Hi E.Z.! First, thank you for the birthday wishes! Second, I really appreciate your thoughts here. Your comment is exactly why I asked the question. There are a handful of ways to grow a paid audience on Substack, and I'm trying to figure out an approach that works for me and the Situation Normal community. That's easier said than done, but I do appreciate your feedback. Thank you!
Good points. I do think this changes as a Stack grows, though. Bots are already trickling into the platform, and they seem very similar to Twitter bots. I think larger publications will have a real cesspool on their hands eventually.
That is very good to know. Thanks for pointing that out.
My favorite family game night is Pictionary, but only if I get either my niece or my sibkid on my team because they are both INCREDIBLE artists and I am the world’s best guesser (yeah, I said it). My strategy is that the second the timer flips, I just start guessing random shit. Once or twice, this actually worked and I guessed the answer before the thing was even partially drawn. Obviously once the drawing starts taking shape, my guesses get better, but they still come rapid-fire. I am rarely on the losing team. The key is to NEVER let me draw, both because I’m the world’s best guesser and simultaneously in the lowest percentiles of drawers.
One time, my sibkid had to draw civil war. They quickly drew a rough rendition of the Eastern seaboard, then an approximate Mason-Dixon line, and then a very crude side profile of Lincoln. All in a matter of seconds. BOOM. So good.
Okay, onto the paid/free and Wednesday thing. So, I am on a fixed (disability) income and so far I’ve only been able to pay for two very cheap Substack subscriptions. I upgraded to paid a few months ago because one is financial and educates me in an area of weakness and the other is social justice related and a cause I really believe in. That said, I honestly pay no attention to what I “get” for the money over what a free subscriber gets. I don’t subscribe for volume of work or “gimme gimme gimme”; I subscribe for the value to me in particular. I’d pay for these even if I wasn’t offered anything additional. I think a lot of Substack writers spend too much time worrying about what they’re “delivering” for their paid subscribers, many if not most of whom are not paying that close attention.
BUT, I can also tell you what pisses me off as a free subscriber to most newsletters. I hate preview posts and I hate when comments are locked. Preview posts feel arrogant to me, like a game. I don’t even open them, because why bother? They will never be the reason I start paying for a subscription. Ever. Locked comments? Huge turn-off. Also would not entice me to upgrade. But you know what might? Letting me comment and using that section to reel me in further. I like engagement. I fucking hate gatekeeping.
Ask Amran. He recently very successfully got me interested in his stuff and the engagement has been great.
Your engagement with me has been really great too, I’ve really appreciated it. And I always look forward to what you write. As soon as my $ circumstances change, you can bet your sweet bippy I’ll remember whose writing was consistently high quality AND who cared enough to engage.
That’s a lot of work for my few clams, I recognize. But then again, I’m the future subscriber who doesn’t expect quantity or exclusive paid-sub content over quality, so I think I’m actually a good bet.
Hi Amy, first the easy part. I love your Pictionary story. Thank you for sharing that! Pictionary is a tough game for me because I'm not great at drawing. I have messy handwriting too. I'm probably good enough for Pictionary (whatever that means), but I'm also self-conscious about just how bad I am with pen and paper. But I love the creativity of the civil war example. Personally, I would've just given up, but that's a drawing I could probably sorta maybe execute on.
Second, I REALLY appreciate your thoughts on restricting comments to paid subscribers and previews. I think I used a preview once by accident -- I meant to send only to paid subs, but the Substack content management system got wonky on me, or let's be honest, it may have been user error. But I hear you on previews, those feel off. The paid comments thing felt a little off too, which is why I asked about it, so you've given me a lot to think about. Thank you!
I forgot to add that although I despise previews and locked comments, it doesn’t bother me at all when some posts are entirely for paid subscribers. I get that they maybe deserve a little something additional. That in no way feels unfair to me. I don’t need to see any of that post if I don’t pay you. I’ll get enough of a feel for you as a writer from your free posts and your engagement.
Jealous of your snack roulette experience!
Love how you spent your birthday check.
I think this Wednesday experiment went well. This was a fun post! How are you feeling about it?
I think I feel ok about so far. Things felt a little rushed / hectic this morning, which is weird for an artificial, self-imposed deadline. But it also kind of brought me back to my daily news days, which were fun, once I got in the groove.
Good for you! I would never attempt this!
Glad to see the Wednesday version back again. And if today's is an example of what you put out in one hour, it should continue.
Being a King is good because shit rolls downhill and if you're anything less, you're going to get shit. On the other hand, complaints tend to go upward and as a King you get them from all the lower levels.
it's good to have a benevolent King, but the problem is that most of them aren't.
I never liked getting cash or checks as a gift except maybe at my bar mitzvah. I also hated getting clothes as a gift when I was a kid because I knew I'd be getting those anyway.
Clothes for gifts were the worst. Always socks and underwear. But I like the t-shirts I got this year. There’s an exception for cool t-shirts, right?
On the Wednesday front, I’m glad that you’re glad!
Happy birthday! Sounds like you were spoiled :)
Truth. And thank you!
1. Haven't done a game night as a bona fide adult: kids.
2. Cutting edge.
3. Under no circumstance is having a king (or any monarch) a good idea. Imagine your favorite person. Now imagine that person as a king. Not good, right?
4. My mom sends me checks on my birthday these days. I consider them reparations.
5. Being totally candid here, I think I'd only drop a Wednesday post whenever you had bonus material, and whenever you were inspired, and I'd keep the posts free and open to all (tyranny is bad, right?). I did feel like the energy level of your Sunday posts had dipped for a while this past spring, which I worried might be attributable to the Wednesday post soaking up too much energy. Situation Normal is a fucking beast. You're an unstoppable media juggernaut. If you keep coming correct on Sundays, nobody will demand more "content" on Wednesdays. And then, when you do drop something on a Wednesday, people will be like: Oh snap, Michael showed up today! This shit's gonna be good.
BONUS: I've considered multiple FR posts per week, and I've found that whenever I've had two public posts in a week, total views and total open-rate have dropped. There's only so much attention to go around, and there's way too much incredible material to consume. My personal philosophy is that every single time my name pops up in somebody's inbox, I want it to feel like an EVENT. Like, oh shit, what did this maniac do now? In that regard, I'm actually thinking about throttling back to 2-3 posts per month. So few people pay for FR as is, and I'd rather create scarcity value than risk oversaturation. Plus, by recalibrating my output I'll have time to focus on other creative projects. I'm still brainstorming, but it's something I'm analyzing closely. Always happy to ideate offline if you're interested.
Thank you for this great feedback! A big part of the decision to put Wednesday on hiatus was that things were feeling more like a chore than a joy as we rolled into April / May. But after a summer away, I missed Wednesdays. I like the idea of occasional Wednesday post, or maybe just occasional posts when I feel like have something to share that's not Sunday story material. I don't quite know yet, but your feedback is really helpful!
Awesome, glad to hear my rambling was helpful! Obviously you've got a monster formula and you're rolling. Something about making Wednesdays feel like a special treat just speaks to me.
Sometimes people just can’t agree and Solomon needs to threaten a baby so they’ll straighten themselves out.
Except that Solomon didn't actually split the baby. It was a ruse by a wise king who was trying to make sense of a difficult legal problem.
You missed my point so badly I have to unsubscribe now. 😞
Ouch. I’d ask you to stay, but maybe I’m not smart enough for you.