I work for a defense attorney in a small town (most of our clients are Araz) so reading this made me laugh but also want to strangle Araz with a phone cord. I haven't seen parenthood change anyone, it just magnifies and multiplies the dumbfuckery.
Thanks for sharing this, I love reading your dialogues.
Thanks Rebecca! I interned with a criminal defense lawyer in law school. If it wasn’t for people like Araz I don’t think my boss could’ve kept the firm going.
Cool ranch, though I'll forever mourn the loss of the salsa flavor. And parenthood absolutely does not keep you from fucking up, it just ups the stakes.
I don’t think I ever had the salsa flavor so I don’t know what I’m missing. Is it possible to dip another Doritos flavor in your favorite salsa to bring back those vibes?
I loved this. It's like being a fly on the wall watching a haircut. A fly with really good ears! Particularly snickered at "Who reads these things?" "Readers?" LOL. Good stuff.
Will the dude be okay. Will any of us? Doubtful. But let's hope for the best! Or not. Whatever floats your particular yacht.
Also, I'm "cheating" on my usual barber this coming week and trying out a new guy (he's closer to where I live, and closer to my age, so I'm thinking we'll relate on the when-to-talk/when-not-to-talk mode while he's cutting my hair)...my regular guy is younger and chatty, but he's been good...just gotten more expensive! The new guy is about $15 cheaper, and as you know it all adds up. I'll let you know how it goes!
Carry on situationally normally. Oh, and Cool Ranch ftw
He’s not my regular barber, just the barber who was available when I had time. Even if Araz hangs onto the job, I don’t think I’ll go back to him again.
1. Your barber sets a high bar for those days. I feel like a poser without another life or three involved.
2. Fake cheese and I have a love story. That said, I’ll clear a pile of cool(er?) ranch without complaint. Siblings make you chip-flexible.
3. Brilliant question. I nominate “fucking down” as the official slang for a screwup harming someone you disdain or don’t care about. Think every CEO.
4. If this were an odd day for Araz, I’d say he’s dead. Since it’s a state of being, I’m not sure it’ll even slow him down.
5. What a golden world it would be if parenting immunized one from fucking up. It’d make a dope sci-fi premise. Even my selfish self would have one for the stat boost.
#4 Araz will be OK. Trump's reader will see this story and forward it to HHS where RFK Jr will see the poster boy he's been looking for. He'll ask Homeland Security and Treasury for Araz's address, which Noem and Bankman-Fried will get via new FBI and IRS database, and Araz will be famous with his new government gig as the American Man of the Future.
This is a really tough question, the Cool Ranch vs Nacho cheese. They are both so f’in good especially with a Coca-Cola.
By the way I did some research after this q made me curious and nacho was actually the third flavor! Unflavored toasted corn was first and second was taco!
Mind blown, Anne. Thank you for doing the research. Viva la OG Taco flavor! And you're right, nothing better than Doritos + Coke. As for the haircut, it was fine. Not bad. Not great.
Araz is going to quit barbering because he inherited a McDonald's franchise in Riverside, CA. He will constantly be cited for abusing the carpool lane. He might just open a Subway, where they have a fine selection of chips. He might attempt to stock all 210 Doritos flavors, or just settle for the best https://www.delish.com/food-news/g44630621/best-dorito-flavors/
ahhh Michael you are such a trouper I would’ve had a panic attack sitting in that chair listening to that litany of fuckups. that shit stresses me out, especially when there are kids involved. whenever I meet someone like that I feel like it must be their first time here. they just seems so… new. maybe he’ll learn some lessons for the next life.
Arab will prevail and be appointed deputy AG by he who will not be named.
I don’t know about fuck down but I do know you can back the fuck up.
I had kids and I’m still paying for that. They are both in their 40s. Adopting one of their kids was good on paper but not so much in real life. My advice: if you don’t really, really like kids don’t have any and don’t marry someone who “might” want to have one.
For some women (I can’t speak for men) parenthood can be lifesaving. I’ve known a number of fuck-up women (girls) who are saved by having a child and then a higher calling and purpose. That said, having a child when young often guarantees a life of poverty and struggle. Education, birth control and purpose are the best ingredients for NOT fucking up your life. I want to strangle Araz and the women who breed with him.
I work for a defense attorney in a small town (most of our clients are Araz) so reading this made me laugh but also want to strangle Araz with a phone cord. I haven't seen parenthood change anyone, it just magnifies and multiplies the dumbfuckery.
Thanks for sharing this, I love reading your dialogues.
Thanks Rebecca! I interned with a criminal defense lawyer in law school. If it wasn’t for people like Araz I don’t think my boss could’ve kept the firm going.
Cool ranch, though I'll forever mourn the loss of the salsa flavor. And parenthood absolutely does not keep you from fucking up, it just ups the stakes.
I don’t think I ever had the salsa flavor so I don’t know what I’m missing. Is it possible to dip another Doritos flavor in your favorite salsa to bring back those vibes?
Maybe? I remember eating them a lot in 2003 or so. Spicy nacho isn't the same.
I loved this. It's like being a fly on the wall watching a haircut. A fly with really good ears! Particularly snickered at "Who reads these things?" "Readers?" LOL. Good stuff.
Will the dude be okay. Will any of us? Doubtful. But let's hope for the best! Or not. Whatever floats your particular yacht.
Also, I'm "cheating" on my usual barber this coming week and trying out a new guy (he's closer to where I live, and closer to my age, so I'm thinking we'll relate on the when-to-talk/when-not-to-talk mode while he's cutting my hair)...my regular guy is younger and chatty, but he's been good...just gotten more expensive! The new guy is about $15 cheaper, and as you know it all adds up. I'll let you know how it goes!
Carry on situationally normally. Oh, and Cool Ranch ftw
Good luck with the new barber!
I was going to say, why are you still with that barber? But from the sounds of it, his boss will soon sort that one out for you...
I'm old OG (literally): Old Dutch Sour Cream and Onion chips. They aren't what they used to be, but they're still decent.
He’s not my regular barber, just the barber who was available when I had time. Even if Araz hangs onto the job, I don’t think I’ll go back to him again.
Araz sounds exhausting - makes me think about cutting my own hair.
Same
1. Your barber sets a high bar for those days. I feel like a poser without another life or three involved.
2. Fake cheese and I have a love story. That said, I’ll clear a pile of cool(er?) ranch without complaint. Siblings make you chip-flexible.
3. Brilliant question. I nominate “fucking down” as the official slang for a screwup harming someone you disdain or don’t care about. Think every CEO.
4. If this were an odd day for Araz, I’d say he’s dead. Since it’s a state of being, I’m not sure it’ll even slow him down.
5. What a golden world it would be if parenting immunized one from fucking up. It’d make a dope sci-fi premise. Even my selfish self would have one for the stat boost.
Fucking down is now official slang. We have the power.
#4 Araz will be OK. Trump's reader will see this story and forward it to HHS where RFK Jr will see the poster boy he's been looking for. He'll ask Homeland Security and Treasury for Araz's address, which Noem and Bankman-Fried will get via new FBI and IRS database, and Araz will be famous with his new government gig as the American Man of the Future.
That’s quite a career trajectory for Araz
On a completely unrelated note, I still can't fathom how Trump got elected.
Nope, not a clue...
I did not have the courage to ask Araz about the election.
Cool Ranch. But the real one is Spicy Sweet Chili.
Never had the spicy sweet chili. Evidently, I am the fuck-up.
So how was the haircut?
This is a really tough question, the Cool Ranch vs Nacho cheese. They are both so f’in good especially with a Coca-Cola.
By the way I did some research after this q made me curious and nacho was actually the third flavor! Unflavored toasted corn was first and second was taco!
Mind blown, Anne. Thank you for doing the research. Viva la OG Taco flavor! And you're right, nothing better than Doritos + Coke. As for the haircut, it was fine. Not bad. Not great.
Araz is going to quit barbering because he inherited a McDonald's franchise in Riverside, CA. He will constantly be cited for abusing the carpool lane. He might just open a Subway, where they have a fine selection of chips. He might attempt to stock all 210 Doritos flavors, or just settle for the best https://www.delish.com/food-news/g44630621/best-dorito-flavors/
Quite a few fans of the sweet chili in the comments. Nice to see that Delish validates their choice. Also, your vision for Araz is chef’s kiss
ahhh Michael you are such a trouper I would’ve had a panic attack sitting in that chair listening to that litany of fuckups. that shit stresses me out, especially when there are kids involved. whenever I meet someone like that I feel like it must be their first time here. they just seems so… new. maybe he’ll learn some lessons for the next life.
Yeah, my sister would call him a new soul.
5) Motivation. I do not want to unleash another Araz on the world.
Good motivation
Arab will prevail and be appointed deputy AG by he who will not be named.
I don’t know about fuck down but I do know you can back the fuck up.
I had kids and I’m still paying for that. They are both in their 40s. Adopting one of their kids was good on paper but not so much in real life. My advice: if you don’t really, really like kids don’t have any and don’t marry someone who “might” want to have one.
This is good advice.
For some women (I can’t speak for men) parenthood can be lifesaving. I’ve known a number of fuck-up women (girls) who are saved by having a child and then a higher calling and purpose. That said, having a child when young often guarantees a life of poverty and struggle. Education, birth control and purpose are the best ingredients for NOT fucking up your life. I want to strangle Araz and the women who breed with him.
I have a feeling Araz isn’t done having kids, so your strangle list might be getting a lot longer
The way things are going, he'll not only be fine, he'll be our next President.
On the upside we’ll finally get a chips-for-all policy
Okay now I'm onboard.