After seeing Office Space, I was inspired to always wear 37 pieces of flair, which attracted attention because I work in an office, not a T.G.I. Fridays, but, whatever. . .
My cousin swears this has worked several times, the first time by accident. His glove box was jam packed with all kinds of nonsense. Receipts, paper work, fast food napkins, notes for projects he's working on, etc. He got pulled over. License and registration, you know the drill. He pulled the stack of nonsense onto his lap and said, "It's here, just give me a minute." And then he started sifting through the papers one at a time, sort of strolling down memory lane, talking to himself. Eventually, the cop got bored, told him to slow down, and let him off with a warning. It worked the first time by accident, and he says it's worked twice afterward. It's probably depends on how egregious the offense is, but it might be worth an attempt.
This reminds me of the time I went to traffic court to pay my parking ticket, and the reason it took so long is because of people "representing themselves" at length:
"I don't see why I got this ticket."
"You were speeding, you ran three stop signs, and it was in a school zone."
"So?! The lights weren't flashing."
"Sir, you were speeding and you ran three stop signs. They happened to be in a school zone."
"I wasn't speeding that much!"
"You were going 75 in a 25mph zone."
"Well how was I supposed to know that, my speedometer is broken!"
"Driving with a speedometer broken is also illegal. Normally I'd say you could lose your license, but it was already revoked the last time you were here."
"Just because I don't have a license doesn't mean I don't know how to drive!"
"Sir, you were going 75mph through a school zone."
Howard Hughes toenails were more epic than Rick Rubin's beard.
You've posted pictures. You are a hairy man. And based on my experience with older Asian women, unlike Americans, they often don't have a filter on what they say to people.
Long ago, in Chicago, I got a ticket. My father insisted I use a lawyer a friend of his knew who worked the traffic court. I met him at the courthouse and when my case was called, the cop was nowhere to be found and the ticket was dismissed. Afterward, the judge said, to the lawyer, "Are you keeping (cops name) tied up downstairs in another courtroom?"
Office Space absolutely rules, might be my favorite movie. Glengarry Glen Ross and a set of steak knives also rule. Being called hairy isn't a criticism, just an observation. I work for a traffic attorney so I drive like I want to. One of our frequent flyer clients is his barber, she cannot drive 55, so the attorney gets free haircuts for life.
Office Space absolutely rules. It's my medicine. I have a VHS bootleg and a little TV that plays it. My good big TV wants nothing to do with it, or the TPS reports.
Alice is having tea with a man in a hat. At any rate, Alice doesn't live here anymore. That's good because your new barber finds you virile and attractive. "Hairy" is code for virile, attractive, and strong but if your next barber is named Delilah, watch out. Who doesn't love Office Space?
3) Michael Bolton was great when he tried out to replace Ozzy in Black Sabbath. I first saw the fractional penny fraud idea in superman 3 by Richard Pryor's character. Swingline started selling red staplers because of this movie, and a case of the Mondays.
I loved this so much! Your comeback at the end was priceless 😆.
Recently I posted a side-by-side pair of pics of me and my college bestie, a then and now type situation. My hair in the college era pic was fiery red; in the now pic, it’s a dull, faint orange. I complained about this to Baldy, my husband, and he clapped back with, “at least you have hair to complain about.” Touché.
Baldy used to be federal law enforcement, so I have a nifty wallet badge that says “officer’s wife.” It’s where I house my license. One time I was pulled over going 42 in a 30. I carefully removed my license from the nifty badge wallet, making sure to shine the badge part in the officer’s direction. He asked, “is your husband a cop?” and I replied unassumingly, “he’s border protection at JFK.” He advised me to slow down and have a nice day.
I’d like to be in the running for the lamest “beat a ticket” story in your comment feed, please 🤭
p.s. Office Space is the shit. I’m always shocked when people haven’t heard of it.
Your story falls under the category of “beat ‘em by joining ‘em.” Or in your case, marrying ‘em. It’s not lame. Tickets are lame. I’m all for safety, but tickets are about revenue.
Alice might have gone to work at a salary job. That’s what one of my previous barbers did. Or just moved to a better shop.
Going to the barbershop for the stories is one of my favorite trips. My most recent professional barber always has them. One time the Portland police “arrested” someone in front of their shop. My barber was in and out of court for a few years on the cop’s criminal and civil cases. Another time he recorded someone break.
Now that we moved, the wife cuts my hair.
I didn’t beat the ticket, but we were driving through Louisiana about 11 am. The local constable stopped me for going over the school zone speed. Of course the sign clearly said something like 7 am - 9 am. Luckily, I only had to come up with $20 as a performance bond to be allowed to continue on my journey. The cop’s name? Billy Crook.
Yes, but I was going the posted speed limit for the little town. I just hadn’t slowed down to the school zone speed since it was outside the posted speed.
After seeing Office Space, I was inspired to always wear 37 pieces of flair, which attracted attention because I work in an office, not a T.G.I. Fridays, but, whatever. . .
Crap! I had a perfectly squishy comment and now I’ve lost it in the Re authentication ether. Hell!
“Note: Alifetime comp is my lifetime, not yours.” Fair!
My cousin swears this has worked several times, the first time by accident. His glove box was jam packed with all kinds of nonsense. Receipts, paper work, fast food napkins, notes for projects he's working on, etc. He got pulled over. License and registration, you know the drill. He pulled the stack of nonsense onto his lap and said, "It's here, just give me a minute." And then he started sifting through the papers one at a time, sort of strolling down memory lane, talking to himself. Eventually, the cop got bored, told him to slow down, and let him off with a warning. It worked the first time by accident, and he says it's worked twice afterward. It's probably depends on how egregious the offense is, but it might be worth an attempt.
This reminds me of the time I went to traffic court to pay my parking ticket, and the reason it took so long is because of people "representing themselves" at length:
"I don't see why I got this ticket."
"You were speeding, you ran three stop signs, and it was in a school zone."
"So?! The lights weren't flashing."
"Sir, you were speeding and you ran three stop signs. They happened to be in a school zone."
"I wasn't speeding that much!"
"You were going 75 in a 25mph zone."
"Well how was I supposed to know that, my speedometer is broken!"
"Driving with a speedometer broken is also illegal. Normally I'd say you could lose your license, but it was already revoked the last time you were here."
"Just because I don't have a license doesn't mean I don't know how to drive!"
"Sir, you were going 75mph through a school zone."
Loved it and can’t wait to read for of your crime fiction; I’m a huge fan of the genre. Keep up the great work and thanks for brightening up my day.
Thanks Tim!
Damn Joy chill!! I’m terrible at comebacks but I have a mean “why did you just say that” face, which usually does the trick.
Also laughed out loud at the “one pandemic away” joke.
Thank you, Erin! I was proud of that joke.
Another brilliant camp story, Mike! LOL. A red Tesla at 100, on the 118...yeah, that'll dump in court. :D
Thank you, Frank!
Howard Hughes toenails were more epic than Rick Rubin's beard.
You've posted pictures. You are a hairy man. And based on my experience with older Asian women, unlike Americans, they often don't have a filter on what they say to people.
Long ago, in Chicago, I got a ticket. My father insisted I use a lawyer a friend of his knew who worked the traffic court. I met him at the courthouse and when my case was called, the cop was nowhere to be found and the ticket was dismissed. Afterward, the judge said, to the lawyer, "Are you keeping (cops name) tied up downstairs in another courtroom?"
Office Space absolutely rules, might be my favorite movie. Glengarry Glen Ross and a set of steak knives also rule. Being called hairy isn't a criticism, just an observation. I work for a traffic attorney so I drive like I want to. One of our frequent flyer clients is his barber, she cannot drive 55, so the attorney gets free haircuts for life.
This is a perfect comment!
Office Space absolutely rules. It's my medicine. I have a VHS bootleg and a little TV that plays it. My good big TV wants nothing to do with it, or the TPS reports.
Wow! That’s dedication.
To flair
To paper jams and parking lots
To staplers
To all of it!
Alice is having tea with a man in a hat. At any rate, Alice doesn't live here anymore. That's good because your new barber finds you virile and attractive. "Hairy" is code for virile, attractive, and strong but if your next barber is named Delilah, watch out. Who doesn't love Office Space?
It’s nice to know my barber digs me, but my heart belongs to my pandemic barber.
3) Michael Bolton was great when he tried out to replace Ozzy in Black Sabbath. I first saw the fractional penny fraud idea in superman 3 by Richard Pryor's character. Swingline started selling red staplers because of this movie, and a case of the Mondays.
BTW, I love Jennifer Aniston. She's 5 days younger than me.
This is how to deadpan, folks:
"Evidently, Rick Rubin was right because Milton didn’t laugh about all the ass that came with the red Tesla."
I will give Mortimer the week off with no protest.
I loved this so much! Your comeback at the end was priceless 😆.
Recently I posted a side-by-side pair of pics of me and my college bestie, a then and now type situation. My hair in the college era pic was fiery red; in the now pic, it’s a dull, faint orange. I complained about this to Baldy, my husband, and he clapped back with, “at least you have hair to complain about.” Touché.
Baldy used to be federal law enforcement, so I have a nifty wallet badge that says “officer’s wife.” It’s where I house my license. One time I was pulled over going 42 in a 30. I carefully removed my license from the nifty badge wallet, making sure to shine the badge part in the officer’s direction. He asked, “is your husband a cop?” and I replied unassumingly, “he’s border protection at JFK.” He advised me to slow down and have a nice day.
I’d like to be in the running for the lamest “beat a ticket” story in your comment feed, please 🤭
p.s. Office Space is the shit. I’m always shocked when people haven’t heard of it.
Your story falls under the category of “beat ‘em by joining ‘em.” Or in your case, marrying ‘em. It’s not lame. Tickets are lame. I’m all for safety, but tickets are about revenue.
Alice might have gone to work at a salary job. That’s what one of my previous barbers did. Or just moved to a better shop.
Going to the barbershop for the stories is one of my favorite trips. My most recent professional barber always has them. One time the Portland police “arrested” someone in front of their shop. My barber was in and out of court for a few years on the cop’s criminal and civil cases. Another time he recorded someone break.
Now that we moved, the wife cuts my hair.
I didn’t beat the ticket, but we were driving through Louisiana about 11 am. The local constable stopped me for going over the school zone speed. Of course the sign clearly said something like 7 am - 9 am. Luckily, I only had to come up with $20 as a performance bond to be allowed to continue on my journey. The cop’s name? Billy Crook.
Wow, that Louisiana ticket just screams corruption. And that cop’s name 😂
Yes, but I was going the posted speed limit for the little town. I just hadn’t slowed down to the school zone speed since it was outside the posted speed.