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I LOVE this. Poor dads. Valentine's Day and Mother's Day is brutal. I over hear them at stores. "Kids, what should we buy mom?" A kid yells, "Scissors!" And the trio considers the gift idea as other dads sweat in front of the greeting cards.
Speaking as a mom, the best gift is all of you out of the house.
2) I’m from the midwest and grew up eating Tuna Casserole. It’s egg noodles with cream of mushroom soup, peas or broccoli, and tuna, BAKED with crispy bread crumbs on top. It sounds disgusting, and it probably is, but also it’s great comfort food during a Minnesota snow storm. (This is not an endorsement.)
2. When you're a washed parent trying to cook dinner every night for ungrateful kids you go insane and try things like tuna spaghetti, hoping it'll magically bring balance to the force. So you cook and eat tuna spaghetti. It's neither good, nor as bad as it sounds. Your kids and wife won't eat it more than once, however, so you choke down the leftovers over several days and wonder at exactly which moment you squandered all your potential.
LMAO. I pictured that scene perfectly. Sounds like this dad never read 123 Magic. That was the best parenting book. My kids are grown and flown but hubby still continues the tradition of making me French pancakes. (although now they’re gf and df. No agave, no white sugar. Made with xoxo it sugar.)
Not that I love tuna pasta salad, but it’s definitely considered a thing. Usually the dish has shell shaped noodles, but I’m open to it having spaghetti if that quiets a screaming child.
Re #4: It’s marketing, something we used to call a “Hallmark Holiday.” Used to sell cards. Another form of corporate bullying…I mean social peer pressure. My BIL sent my wife one this week - I noticed the back said $9.95. My wife is not his mother, nor is she mine. Children should send THEIR mother a Mother’s Day card. Sigh…
My dream for American families: forget making kids mow lawns, pull weeds, watch pets, or do homework. I want them to exclusively cook. I want to see how many nuclear families can survive a true trial. Malnutrition would be a kind word for it.
What I want to know is what sort of establishment were you in where this line of kids pouring sugar into drinks is normal? That sounds like a recipe for chaos, like mixing vinegar and baking soda.
Oh, not at all. That's my "fail" attempt at trying to be clever. Your story ended just before we found out what happens when the elevator door opens. You have to subscribe to find out. The car salesman realizes the customer likes the car, but wants a discount. So, he "takes away" the car by implying the customer can't afford it and says he has some other cars that are more affordable. Bruised ego = customer buys car without a discount.
Wanting to find out the end of your story = subscribing.
It's a bad analogy. My apologies.
I actually follow you on Medium, just checking out Substack. It's different, but that's not a bad thing.
That's the old sales tactic called the "takeaway." Car salesman: "That's a beauty, isn't it?" Smitten customer, "Oh yes, I love it. It's pretty pricey though, can you knock a thousand dollars off?" Salesman: "Well, we have some cheaper cars that I'm sure you can afford." Bruised ego customer says, "Never mind, I'll take it!"
So, the elevator door opens...
Now, the only way I can find out what happens is to subscribe. I'll ponder that one.
When I was a kid, I had an obsession with sugary drinks especially sodas, every flavor and colour, I'd take every opportunity to grab a soda from the fridge at the convenience store and beg my parents to buy me one. That obsession later came back in 8th grade with the polar pop machines at the local gas station. For #5, I'd rather have a Grandmas Day than a Cousins Day to be honest, just because I was very close with my Grandmas when I was a kid.
I LOVE this. Poor dads. Valentine's Day and Mother's Day is brutal. I over hear them at stores. "Kids, what should we buy mom?" A kid yells, "Scissors!" And the trio considers the gift idea as other dads sweat in front of the greeting cards.
Speaking as a mom, the best gift is all of you out of the house.
2) I’m from the midwest and grew up eating Tuna Casserole. It’s egg noodles with cream of mushroom soup, peas or broccoli, and tuna, BAKED with crispy bread crumbs on top. It sounds disgusting, and it probably is, but also it’s great comfort food during a Minnesota snow storm. (This is not an endorsement.)
2. When you're a washed parent trying to cook dinner every night for ungrateful kids you go insane and try things like tuna spaghetti, hoping it'll magically bring balance to the force. So you cook and eat tuna spaghetti. It's neither good, nor as bad as it sounds. Your kids and wife won't eat it more than once, however, so you choke down the leftovers over several days and wonder at exactly which moment you squandered all your potential.
Boy. I enjoyed the read, but, and not wishing to be a party pooper, but what happened to parental discipline?
Happy Mothers Day to the muthas.
I enjoy your writing!
This is laugh-out-loud beautiful, Michael!
LMAO. I pictured that scene perfectly. Sounds like this dad never read 123 Magic. That was the best parenting book. My kids are grown and flown but hubby still continues the tradition of making me French pancakes. (although now they’re gf and df. No agave, no white sugar. Made with xoxo it sugar.)
Come on Michael, don’t tell me you don’t celebrate July 24th? It’s National Cousin’s day. At least according to nationaltoday.com
Not that I love tuna pasta salad, but it’s definitely considered a thing. Usually the dish has shell shaped noodles, but I’m open to it having spaghetti if that quiets a screaming child.
Great column today!
Re #4: It’s marketing, something we used to call a “Hallmark Holiday.” Used to sell cards. Another form of corporate bullying…I mean social peer pressure. My BIL sent my wife one this week - I noticed the back said $9.95. My wife is not his mother, nor is she mine. Children should send THEIR mother a Mother’s Day card. Sigh…
Agave is excellent for margaritas. Guavas confuse me.
Tuna pasta is a old school classic and delicious if you do it right. Start here, capers help.
https://aroundtheworldin365.wordpress.com/2013/11/11/tuna-sauce-with-tomatoes-and-garlic-pure-italian/
Ad for Mother's Day and it's ilk, this sums it up best for me.
https://www.salon.com/2010/05/08/hate_mothers_day_anne_lamott/
Loved the book.
My dream for American families: forget making kids mow lawns, pull weeds, watch pets, or do homework. I want them to exclusively cook. I want to see how many nuclear families can survive a true trial. Malnutrition would be a kind word for it.
What I want to know is what sort of establishment were you in where this line of kids pouring sugar into drinks is normal? That sounds like a recipe for chaos, like mixing vinegar and baking soda.
Oh, not at all. That's my "fail" attempt at trying to be clever. Your story ended just before we found out what happens when the elevator door opens. You have to subscribe to find out. The car salesman realizes the customer likes the car, but wants a discount. So, he "takes away" the car by implying the customer can't afford it and says he has some other cars that are more affordable. Bruised ego = customer buys car without a discount.
Wanting to find out the end of your story = subscribing.
It's a bad analogy. My apologies.
I actually follow you on Medium, just checking out Substack. It's different, but that's not a bad thing.
Take care...
Oh boy...
That's the old sales tactic called the "takeaway." Car salesman: "That's a beauty, isn't it?" Smitten customer, "Oh yes, I love it. It's pretty pricey though, can you knock a thousand dollars off?" Salesman: "Well, we have some cheaper cars that I'm sure you can afford." Bruised ego customer says, "Never mind, I'll take it!"
So, the elevator door opens...
Now, the only way I can find out what happens is to subscribe. I'll ponder that one.
I do enjoy your writing...
Regards,
Bob Mildenhall
When I was a kid, I had an obsession with sugary drinks especially sodas, every flavor and colour, I'd take every opportunity to grab a soda from the fridge at the convenience store and beg my parents to buy me one. That obsession later came back in 8th grade with the polar pop machines at the local gas station. For #5, I'd rather have a Grandmas Day than a Cousins Day to be honest, just because I was very close with my Grandmas when I was a kid.