i once served on a jury in Burbank. Before being chosen, I said to the judge that it seemed from the lawyers' questions that the case was going to be about whether or not a leased car had proper-working bluetooth. I said, if that is really what this case is about and i'm chosen as a juror, I'm gonna be super pissed off. I was chosen. Go figure. Sure enough, that was exactly what the case was about. After 2 weeks of the most boring testimony of all time concerning the way bluetooth works, we spent all of 5 minutes voting against the idiots who had brought the case. Twelve extremely pissed off jurors said goodbye to each other and raced the fuck out of that courthouse. All I learned was that there are an awful lot of mom and pop restaurants on San Fernando Avenue in Burbank and one very seedy Ross Dress for Less.
My only jury duty experience was about 35 years ago, in Chicago. There were about 40 of us sitting in a waiting room, for 8 hours, in a courthouse at 26th & California, in a shitty part of the south side of Chicago. I don’t recall there being a trendy coffee shop down the street, but I did have the foresight to bring a few newspapers with me, to amuse myself. Definitely not a podcast-worthy tale.
Literally never had to serve jury duty beyond showing up to the courthouse long enough to be dismissed. I don't even get to the asking questions about whether you have the "stay awake and still breathing" credentials.
I've been saving this to read because I knew it would bring back all kinds of memories.. Back in the eighties I served on a jury in Newark , NJ. I received my summons the week before I started a new job, the one that was supposed to justify the past two years of business school and the associated loans that loomed like an avalanche that could go at any moment.
My new boss said just do it, get it out if the way thinking it would be a few days. Three and a half weeks later the trial sputtered to a close..I won't tell the whole thing here be ( you e inspired a future post,) but the case involved a prostitute who had been robbed by two addicts. After sitting through the wait to be chosen, the weeks of sitting in the box with 13 others , paying for extra babysitting I couldn't afford, and hearing the chill in my new boss's tone grow chillier, the day came to deliberate..Before we entered the chamber the judge asked the bailiff to draw two names for alternates. I was one. I had to sit in the court room wrestling with a strange frustration and disappointment that made me uneasy later as I thought about it. Why was I so disappointed instead of relieved that it was over and that I no longer had any influence over the defendants' futures? Now I'm thinking about it all over again.. I'm looking forward to hearing your hurry duty story .
I can't wait to read the full story whenever you write it. There's something really interesting about that turn you experienced where you should've felt relieved, but instead felt disappointed. I know that feeling well. Part of me thinks it's because sitting in judgement of others comes easy to humans, but maybe that's not it. Maybe we just want it to mean something, whatever it is.
I don’t know how I’ve managed to avoid jury duty still. I only in my young 30s, but so far so good. I’ve lived between a couple of states and held on to ID cards I should have given up. Currently in Alabama, with a NJ license. You had some really beautiful sentences over this one with some lines of humor I loved. Looking forward to catching up on the podcast!
Thanks Marc! I think you know why you've escaped jury duty: the ID cards. I'll bet you that once you get that Alabama ID and register to vote (assuming they don't register you at the DMV), you'll get that summons.
I've spent several days in various courtrooms around LA but was always sent home due to the one day or one trial rule. Closest I got to a courtroom was my one line as a judge in a friend's legal training film and as a defendant in another.
Counting the letter values TIME + 47 and in KILLED = 53, so TIME cannot be KILLED. On the other hand, based on my gardening skills, Thyme can be killed!
Okay A) thank you for mentioning me and B) I lol'd at this: "One woman said she couldn’t be a juror because she didn’t speak English. But her argument fell flat because she spoke to the judge, at length, in English"
I don’t mind doing my civic duty, but I was called in December to report exactly ONE WEEK before Christmas Day. I get it…they can’t just go cancelling court because it takes me three weeks to do everything I need to do to get a southern mama holiday meal on the table. Thankfully, I got a call the Friday afternoon prior that court WAS indeed cancelled and that was a very good thing because if I’d had to show up that Monday morning SOMEBODY was going to have to serve some time. (Not really…)
1. Still waiting my turn. Gonna be an excellent piece of field research if/when it finally happens.
2. Not well-versed enough to comment here.
3. Time is an imaginary human construct. Can imaginary things be killed? Are imaginary things real? Presumably I can be killed, but I haven't been killed yet, which begs the question: am I real?
4. A standup comedian for sure -- someone who will lighten the mood. I'll say Patton Oswalt since Dave Chappelle turned heel.
I saw Patton Oswalt live recently. He did 10 minutes on the moral and ethical considerations of going to Hobby Lobby to buy a decoration for his daughter's birthday cake. It was very funny. But also revealing. He really grappled with it, so he'd make a good juror. That said, if you're on trial for being a serial killer, be warned. Patton Oswalt's previous wife (she passed away) was a reporter who helped bring The Golden State Killer to justice.
I love Patton. I often recite parts of his specials to myself throughout the day. It's such a gut-punch about his wife. She seemed like a pretty amazing person.
Highly recommend reading "I'll Be Gone in the Dark." It's a great piece of true crime reporting, but it's also a very moving book because she didn't get to finish it. A colleague finished out the last few chapters based on her notes and Patton wrote this really beautiful epilogue about she was a real life super hero who worked to put real bad guys away.
1. I haven't even been called! I'm on the right list of neer-do-wells. Probably no other consequences.
2. This is revealing a vast gap in my education. 12 Angry Men has my vote by default, but that's because Law and Order: Trial By Jury was a collective fever dream.
3. I've tried. I've tried so long. The bullet. The blade. Streaming marathons. Time limps on, a curse on man itself. Though open-world games definitely *bruise* time.
4. I just one system-hating soul to enjoy freedom, so I'll take Immortal Technique and go back to sleep.
Let us never speak of Law and Order: Trial By Jury. Also, I think you're gonna get called soon after you become famous, so probably a little after your next book comes out. You'll be excused because your fame will be a distraction.
I was called for jury duty once. I was alert the whole time, because I knew if an opportunity to get out presented itself I'd have to be ready. The judge came in, introduced himself, and we got started. It was a murder trial. Fuck. That would be a long one. They called numbers to get a couple dozen of us up front to be the potential jurors. Of course, my number was called. Oh man, my luck used to be better. They introduce the prosecutor. Anyone know him? A few hands. Can you be impartial? Why yes. Then they introduce the defense attorney. No one knew him, so there was no question of impartiality. Same with the defendant. Poor bastard. Then, I saw a familiar face. The judge said "This is the lead detective. Does anyone know him?" My hand shot up so quick I'm surprised I didn't dislocate my shoulder. "How do you know him?"
"Well Your Honor, my wife worked with him at the police department"
In the rest of the back and forth it came out that my wife ( who was a civilian investigator and had been fired for bullshit reasons) had actually worked this case. She had found every defendant in every murder case for the past decade plus. She was good at what she did. She didn't make mistakes. Could I be impartial?
"No you honor, I don't think I can"
And just like that I was done. With the thanks from the court. I had arrived at 8:00 am and it was 8:20 when I got back to my car. I'm pretty sure they never paid me for my time, but I got a hell of a story
That is a hell of a story, Doug! Also, I'm pretty sure you didn't get paid either. Most jurisdictions, including Los Angeles, don't pay you for day one. I'm getting paid for day two only, but I do get paid for mileage each way on both days.
My favorite jury movie is "My Cousin Vinny." There's no jury in it. But I love the movie anyway.
I've been in jury selection but never made it through to being picked. If they will pick me up so I don't have to pay for parking, I'll be happy to serve. Oh yeah, afternoons only, please. Otherwise, I'm going to tell my panel about jury nullification.
Anyway the important thing about having a panel of angry jurors ready to go is that it makes the parties reconsider whether they have a good case. Back when I was a reporter in Laredo, TX, I sat through voir dire for a burglary + rape trial. The defendant looked at jurors and went for a plea deal. I knew one of the jurors -- he told me afterward that when the jury saw the victim's papa in his Army uniform, that guaranteed conviction. Do not mess with veterans.
You make a great point about juries making settlements and pleas happen. I'll be speaking about that on the podcast. Also, there is a jury in "My Cousin Vinny." They don't do much, but they're needed for a hilarious void dire scene, plus they all nod along when Vinny discovers the time discrepancy with the grits.
Love every word of this comment, Michael! You're not alone in that feeling. From my legal reporter days, I've come across a lot of studies that say the same thing: people rise to the occasion, take their civic duty seriously, and they're better for it. I just wish something could be done about the experiences like the one I had this time around, where they clearly didn't need most of us and really didn't need to bring 40-plus people back for a second day.
I have never been on a jury, picked several over my career but never been in the jury box. However, I’m hoping my luck will change next week and if I do, I’ll have this newsletter to thanks. Got a summons in the mail a while ago and completely forgot about it. Then I read this and remembered that oh yeah, I need to find that piece of paper.
i once served on a jury in Burbank. Before being chosen, I said to the judge that it seemed from the lawyers' questions that the case was going to be about whether or not a leased car had proper-working bluetooth. I said, if that is really what this case is about and i'm chosen as a juror, I'm gonna be super pissed off. I was chosen. Go figure. Sure enough, that was exactly what the case was about. After 2 weeks of the most boring testimony of all time concerning the way bluetooth works, we spent all of 5 minutes voting against the idiots who had brought the case. Twelve extremely pissed off jurors said goodbye to each other and raced the fuck out of that courthouse. All I learned was that there are an awful lot of mom and pop restaurants on San Fernando Avenue in Burbank and one very seedy Ross Dress for Less.
My only jury duty experience was about 35 years ago, in Chicago. There were about 40 of us sitting in a waiting room, for 8 hours, in a courthouse at 26th & California, in a shitty part of the south side of Chicago. I don’t recall there being a trendy coffee shop down the street, but I did have the foresight to bring a few newspapers with me, to amuse myself. Definitely not a podcast-worthy tale.
Literally never had to serve jury duty beyond showing up to the courthouse long enough to be dismissed. I don't even get to the asking questions about whether you have the "stay awake and still breathing" credentials.
You live a charmed life.
I've been saving this to read because I knew it would bring back all kinds of memories.. Back in the eighties I served on a jury in Newark , NJ. I received my summons the week before I started a new job, the one that was supposed to justify the past two years of business school and the associated loans that loomed like an avalanche that could go at any moment.
My new boss said just do it, get it out if the way thinking it would be a few days. Three and a half weeks later the trial sputtered to a close..I won't tell the whole thing here be ( you e inspired a future post,) but the case involved a prostitute who had been robbed by two addicts. After sitting through the wait to be chosen, the weeks of sitting in the box with 13 others , paying for extra babysitting I couldn't afford, and hearing the chill in my new boss's tone grow chillier, the day came to deliberate..Before we entered the chamber the judge asked the bailiff to draw two names for alternates. I was one. I had to sit in the court room wrestling with a strange frustration and disappointment that made me uneasy later as I thought about it. Why was I so disappointed instead of relieved that it was over and that I no longer had any influence over the defendants' futures? Now I'm thinking about it all over again.. I'm looking forward to hearing your hurry duty story .
I can't wait to read the full story whenever you write it. There's something really interesting about that turn you experienced where you should've felt relieved, but instead felt disappointed. I know that feeling well. Part of me thinks it's because sitting in judgement of others comes easy to humans, but maybe that's not it. Maybe we just want it to mean something, whatever it is.
I don’t know how I’ve managed to avoid jury duty still. I only in my young 30s, but so far so good. I’ve lived between a couple of states and held on to ID cards I should have given up. Currently in Alabama, with a NJ license. You had some really beautiful sentences over this one with some lines of humor I loved. Looking forward to catching up on the podcast!
Thanks Marc! I think you know why you've escaped jury duty: the ID cards. I'll bet you that once you get that Alabama ID and register to vote (assuming they don't register you at the DMV), you'll get that summons.
I've spent several days in various courtrooms around LA but was always sent home due to the one day or one trial rule. Closest I got to a courtroom was my one line as a judge in a friend's legal training film and as a defendant in another.
Counting the letter values TIME + 47 and in KILLED = 53, so TIME cannot be KILLED. On the other hand, based on my gardening skills, Thyme can be killed!
Who among us hasn't killed thyme?
Okay A) thank you for mentioning me and B) I lol'd at this: "One woman said she couldn’t be a juror because she didn’t speak English. But her argument fell flat because she spoke to the judge, at length, in English"
I don’t mind doing my civic duty, but I was called in December to report exactly ONE WEEK before Christmas Day. I get it…they can’t just go cancelling court because it takes me three weeks to do everything I need to do to get a southern mama holiday meal on the table. Thankfully, I got a call the Friday afternoon prior that court WAS indeed cancelled and that was a very good thing because if I’d had to show up that Monday morning SOMEBODY was going to have to serve some time. (Not really…)
Haha! I’m glad it got canceled.
1. Still waiting my turn. Gonna be an excellent piece of field research if/when it finally happens.
2. Not well-versed enough to comment here.
3. Time is an imaginary human construct. Can imaginary things be killed? Are imaginary things real? Presumably I can be killed, but I haven't been killed yet, which begs the question: am I real?
4. A standup comedian for sure -- someone who will lighten the mood. I'll say Patton Oswalt since Dave Chappelle turned heel.
5. Hell yeah.
I saw Patton Oswalt live recently. He did 10 minutes on the moral and ethical considerations of going to Hobby Lobby to buy a decoration for his daughter's birthday cake. It was very funny. But also revealing. He really grappled with it, so he'd make a good juror. That said, if you're on trial for being a serial killer, be warned. Patton Oswalt's previous wife (she passed away) was a reporter who helped bring The Golden State Killer to justice.
I love Patton. I often recite parts of his specials to myself throughout the day. It's such a gut-punch about his wife. She seemed like a pretty amazing person.
Highly recommend reading "I'll Be Gone in the Dark." It's a great piece of true crime reporting, but it's also a very moving book because she didn't get to finish it. A colleague finished out the last few chapters based on her notes and Patton wrote this really beautiful epilogue about she was a real life super hero who worked to put real bad guys away.
Will check it out.
I was almost on jury duty but was able to get excused. So I just sat and read my book at home
But what was the book?
I would love to say that it was ‘Runaway Jury’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣 but I don’t remember.
Great post, but I'm mostly here for the Mortimer pics 😍🐶
Fair.
1. I haven't even been called! I'm on the right list of neer-do-wells. Probably no other consequences.
2. This is revealing a vast gap in my education. 12 Angry Men has my vote by default, but that's because Law and Order: Trial By Jury was a collective fever dream.
3. I've tried. I've tried so long. The bullet. The blade. Streaming marathons. Time limps on, a curse on man itself. Though open-world games definitely *bruise* time.
4. I just one system-hating soul to enjoy freedom, so I'll take Immortal Technique and go back to sleep.
5. The die is cast.
Let us never speak of Law and Order: Trial By Jury. Also, I think you're gonna get called soon after you become famous, so probably a little after your next book comes out. You'll be excused because your fame will be a distraction.
That's unfortunate. Now that I don't have to back it up, I feel strongly about doing my civic duty.
I was called for jury duty once. I was alert the whole time, because I knew if an opportunity to get out presented itself I'd have to be ready. The judge came in, introduced himself, and we got started. It was a murder trial. Fuck. That would be a long one. They called numbers to get a couple dozen of us up front to be the potential jurors. Of course, my number was called. Oh man, my luck used to be better. They introduce the prosecutor. Anyone know him? A few hands. Can you be impartial? Why yes. Then they introduce the defense attorney. No one knew him, so there was no question of impartiality. Same with the defendant. Poor bastard. Then, I saw a familiar face. The judge said "This is the lead detective. Does anyone know him?" My hand shot up so quick I'm surprised I didn't dislocate my shoulder. "How do you know him?"
"Well Your Honor, my wife worked with him at the police department"
In the rest of the back and forth it came out that my wife ( who was a civilian investigator and had been fired for bullshit reasons) had actually worked this case. She had found every defendant in every murder case for the past decade plus. She was good at what she did. She didn't make mistakes. Could I be impartial?
"No you honor, I don't think I can"
And just like that I was done. With the thanks from the court. I had arrived at 8:00 am and it was 8:20 when I got back to my car. I'm pretty sure they never paid me for my time, but I got a hell of a story
That is a hell of a story, Doug! Also, I'm pretty sure you didn't get paid either. Most jurisdictions, including Los Angeles, don't pay you for day one. I'm getting paid for day two only, but I do get paid for mileage each way on both days.
I have a lot of stories, all of them true, but they sound made up. This is one of my favorites though.
My favorite jury movie is "My Cousin Vinny." There's no jury in it. But I love the movie anyway.
I've been in jury selection but never made it through to being picked. If they will pick me up so I don't have to pay for parking, I'll be happy to serve. Oh yeah, afternoons only, please. Otherwise, I'm going to tell my panel about jury nullification.
Anyway the important thing about having a panel of angry jurors ready to go is that it makes the parties reconsider whether they have a good case. Back when I was a reporter in Laredo, TX, I sat through voir dire for a burglary + rape trial. The defendant looked at jurors and went for a plea deal. I knew one of the jurors -- he told me afterward that when the jury saw the victim's papa in his Army uniform, that guaranteed conviction. Do not mess with veterans.
You make a great point about juries making settlements and pleas happen. I'll be speaking about that on the podcast. Also, there is a jury in "My Cousin Vinny." They don't do much, but they're needed for a hilarious void dire scene, plus they all nod along when Vinny discovers the time discrepancy with the grits.
Dang! I forgot about that! Time for a re-watch, if only to see the late, great Fred Gwynne.
I've very much enjoyed my jury duty experience.
Screaming, "GUILTY! GUILTY! BURN THE WITCHES!!!" was very cathartic after a great deal of stress.
I kid. We didn't burn the witches. We tickled them until they confessed.
Okay, clearly I've had too much caffeine this morning.
In all seriousness, I've done jury duty multiple times -- including once where I fooled my fellow jurors into making me the foreperson.
I actually quite liked it and it made me feel good about my fellow citizens who all took it pretty seriously.
Except that one witch who kept cackling...
Love every word of this comment, Michael! You're not alone in that feeling. From my legal reporter days, I've come across a lot of studies that say the same thing: people rise to the occasion, take their civic duty seriously, and they're better for it. I just wish something could be done about the experiences like the one I had this time around, where they clearly didn't need most of us and really didn't need to bring 40-plus people back for a second day.
I have never been on a jury, picked several over my career but never been in the jury box. However, I’m hoping my luck will change next week and if I do, I’ll have this newsletter to thanks. Got a summons in the mail a while ago and completely forgot about it. Then I read this and remembered that oh yeah, I need to find that piece of paper.
Best of luck to you, Cosmo!