I have a confession to make: I haven’t kept up with the Kardashians. Sorry. I wasn’t going to mention this because I didn’t want to upset anyone, but keeping up with the Kardashians just hasn’t been one of my priorities during this century. In fact, I’ve tried to ignore them. Please forgive me.
1. My favorite Kardashian is the blue one, with ice powers. I hope she beats the undead yellow one this season.
Actual answer: I dated an acolyte. I can’t speak Kardashian, but I can understand it. I just wish they hadn’t eaten ten minutes of Chris Rock’s live special.
2. I’m not a great listener.
3. Surprise set by pre-madness Dave Chappelle at a comedy club. I’ve never seen anyone as on as he was that night. He could have convinced that crowd to torch City Hall.
4. I can’t reject a Coke Zero. That black magic has a hold on me.
5. Proper strivers don’t treat workers like people. They grasp the whip, and crack it until can’t hear the yawning chasm inside.
I have lived a Kardashian-free life - at least when it comes to watching their so-called show. What the fuck is THAT all about? The one thing I have not been able to avoid is the Kardashian ass. Why this should become a cultural phenomenon is beyond me. I thought J-Lo had cornered that market long ago - didn't care about that either, but went, "well, okay, if people want to be ass-obsessed, have a nice day - I've got better mental places to be". I still don't understand why the Kardashians are famous. Except for being famous.
I just don't get it.. And I'm okay with that! I just have one question: How is it that Star Trek came up with the Kardashians before the Kardashians became The Kardashians?
I haven't kept up with the Kardashians either, at least in the form of watching the show. Mainly through lack of interest, plus I rarely watch regular TV after getting out of the habit when I worked evening shifts. I do come across news online about them since the news organizations seem to think they are of interest to people and write about them often.
I'm the kind of person who probably wouldn't recognize most celebrities out in public. I did once see Billy Barty.
Coconut La Croix is a strange choice for anyone other than my sister-in-law who likes those kinds of drinks.
We offer drinks to workmen. My wife sometimes bakes brownies for them.
I had to Google Billy Barty, but the minute I saw the pictures I realized I should've known his name. Lots of great movies, and a few terrible ones too. Good celeb sighting!
Ooh I just realized I have a Kardashian adjacent story. I was on a press trip in Vail and the hotel press contact was talking with us about the property and then somehow it came up that the Kardashians had come to town and wanted to stay there.
But they had all these crazy asks and wanted like a whole floor for free and he said he told them no and they stayed somewhere else. So some people are Keeping Out The Kardashians. 🥁
I stopped watching TV in 2010, after two friends died of brain cancer, and I made the choice to cherish my brain and use it. But there was a fucking recession going on and I live in the West San Fernando Valley, so I got a retail job at Nordstrom where rich people yelled at me to "Iron this!" and "wrap that!" while letting their great danes shit near the designer shoes, as Kardashians roamed the aisles.
That's what Kardashians do. They roam and shop. They're everywhere I go: car lots and farmers markets... Kardashians. Same with Fabio. He stands behind me in line at markets, smiling. He's smiling at Mon Sushi in Tarzana. I think Fabio must be part of Mon Sushi's decor. He might have come with the sushi bar stools.
I don't watch TV--my precious brain. TV comes to me.
"I made the choice to cherish my brain and use it." Tossing the TV is the first step, Michele. I did it three years ago. It was easier than I thought it would be.
hahaha omg the LA kardashian connect is so real - the first therapist I went to out here - her big claim to fame was "SHE HAS BEEN THERAPIST TO THE KARDASHIANS" like she even went on their tv show to help them out it was hilarious
I was dating this girl in highschool and I went over to her house one time. Now, I have no idea how I convinced this girl to spend time with me, I was a nerd and she was pretty popular and hung out with the cool kids. Anyway, I was speaking with her mom in the kitchen and I have no idea how the Kardashians came up, but they did and I emphatically declared that "I hate the Kardashians and anyone that watches their show is a moron". Little did I know I was in a keeping up with the Kardashians household and the mom just quietly responded with "I love that show". Yeah that was pretty much the end of that relationship.
2. First no social media, then no TV, then two kids.
3. This is the one place where the universe has really shorted me. I can't recall one celebrity sighting in my time, not even of the C or D list variety.
4. My guess is another concerned citizen offered Jose a Coke Zero earlier that day.
5. The answer lies within: some people are assholes.
You are deprived. My advice is to visit Los Angeles and tell everyone you meet you're not leaving until you see a C or D list celeb. This plan usually works within 2-3 days.
Hereby resolved: 1.All readers shall provide a cool beverage on a hot day to people who we invite into our homes for work or social reasons. On cold days, the same applies except we may also offer a hot beverage. 2. We shall greet people working for us with a hello every day. 3. We shall say “thank you” and “goodbye” when they leave us.
I love this for the Situation Normal rules, Betsy! Now all I need to do is run for office and make these rules law. Something tells me I'll lose in a landslide.
I fully relate to the labor it takes to NOT keep up with the Kardashians.
I've spent over a decade trying to avoid them, then one day I thought, "maybe the show's like... funny, because they're so shallow and dumb?" so I tried to watch one episode.
It was not funny. It's so fake and scripted it's hurts. The phoniness nearly killed me. I was in the ICU for weeks. I don't think I will ever fully recover.
Also one of my friends from hs is a camera man for their show. I lost touch with him sadly, otherwise I would frankly love to get that tea.
Also, also I worked in a restaurant one summer and offered a delivery man water on a hot day. He was so appreciative and chugged it right in front of me. I never felt so good about myself in my life, hahaha. Ever since then I've been all but too excited to offer anyone water who enters my home.
I thought about watching it once. Actually, I thought about pitching an idea to a culture pub where I'd watch every single episode as a man who had never watched any. That might've been a decent, funny pitch, but Christina talked me out of it because "sanity."
In our house we only know the Kardashians as a pestilence that infiltrated the Lakers once upon a time. We died a little when Lamar Odom married one.
My most memorable encounter with a celebrity was when I came face to face with OJ Simpson on the stairs if a hotel in Italy and my partner humiliated himself by joking about the Hertz commercials Simpson used to make. . The next day,t breakfast, he introduced us to Nicole. We all waved at each other across the room. Then, a few years later, the white Bronco. Oddly, I never really remembered Attorney Kardashian. Johnny Corcoran was the one I remembered
Wow, I was not expecting someone to chime in with an OJ sighting, but you came through! Personally, I would've talked to him about Naked Gun. Speaking of sports, you make a good point about the Lakers. As a fan of LA sports, I get nervous whenever a good player starts dating someone who lives and dies in the tabloids. It's never a good career move.
1. Absolutely not. While - because I don't live under a rock - I am aware of their existence, that's the extent of my knowledge (oh, and that Ross played Father Kardashian in The Trial of OJ Simpson).
2. I generally try to avoid wallowing in shit.
3. Does George Bush I leaving the White House while my friends and I stood watching dressed in camos (we'd been on a disastrous camping trip - another story) count? It certainly counted for the secret service who spotted us ...
4. No one should drink anything that smells like suntan lotion. So, yes. Bold. But not beautiful.
5. People are generally rude - and 'the help' don't count. We offer drinks, too - usually tea (as it's England), but occasionally even a beer if the work's been done really well!
Thank you for becoming a paid subscriber, Christina! I really appreciate that. And if I ever meet a Kardashian, I'll thank them for the inspiration, then run like hell. I also love the Gordon Ramsay sighting. Was he cool about it, or about what we've come to expect from his public persona?
1. The who?
Good answer!
😉
Ha ha ha ha ha. My sentiments exactly, Rebecca. I prefer real life. One of the main reasons I tossed out my TV three years ago. Who needs it?
🙌
Cheers, Rebecca. 🥂
🤣
1. My favorite Kardashian is the blue one, with ice powers. I hope she beats the undead yellow one this season.
Actual answer: I dated an acolyte. I can’t speak Kardashian, but I can understand it. I just wish they hadn’t eaten ten minutes of Chris Rock’s live special.
2. I’m not a great listener.
3. Surprise set by pre-madness Dave Chappelle at a comedy club. I’ve never seen anyone as on as he was that night. He could have convinced that crowd to torch City Hall.
4. I can’t reject a Coke Zero. That black magic has a hold on me.
5. Proper strivers don’t treat workers like people. They grasp the whip, and crack it until can’t hear the yawning chasm inside.
There is something Faustian about Coke Zero. Maybe that's Dave's secret. But seriously, that must've been an incredible surprise show.
It was, I remember him opening the topic up to the crowd. An open invitation to disaster for most, and he cruised through.
I have lived a Kardashian-free life - at least when it comes to watching their so-called show. What the fuck is THAT all about? The one thing I have not been able to avoid is the Kardashian ass. Why this should become a cultural phenomenon is beyond me. I thought J-Lo had cornered that market long ago - didn't care about that either, but went, "well, okay, if people want to be ass-obsessed, have a nice day - I've got better mental places to be". I still don't understand why the Kardashians are famous. Except for being famous.
I just don't get it.. And I'm okay with that! I just have one question: How is it that Star Trek came up with the Kardashians before the Kardashians became The Kardashians?
Famous for being famous is all the rage these days.
Michael, how do I recommend your work to my audience?
Thanks for asking, Lori! Here's a link explaining how to use the Substack recommendation tool. https://support.substack.com/hc/en-us/articles/5036794583828-How-can-I-recommend-other-publications-on-Substack-#:~:text=Head%20to%20your%20publication's%20Settings,Add%20or%20remove%20recommendations.
Thanks, Michael!
Um...wow. I have no "Recommendation" button on my left side area of my settings. Gonna have to send up a flare.
Looking at your Substack homepage now. You currently recommend one Substack called The Corners.
"If people want to be ass-obsessed, well have a nice day." ha ha ha ha. One of the funniest sentences I have ever read!
I believe Star-Trek Cardassians appeared four or five years before Kardashians reared their fatuous heads...?
I think so too! Ah, yes, you're right. It was spelled with a C. I am choosing to be Star Trek-obsessed. Better values by far.
I haven't kept up with the Kardashians either, at least in the form of watching the show. Mainly through lack of interest, plus I rarely watch regular TV after getting out of the habit when I worked evening shifts. I do come across news online about them since the news organizations seem to think they are of interest to people and write about them often.
I'm the kind of person who probably wouldn't recognize most celebrities out in public. I did once see Billy Barty.
Coconut La Croix is a strange choice for anyone other than my sister-in-law who likes those kinds of drinks.
We offer drinks to workmen. My wife sometimes bakes brownies for them.
I had to Google Billy Barty, but the minute I saw the pictures I realized I should've known his name. Lots of great movies, and a few terrible ones too. Good celeb sighting!
Ooh I just realized I have a Kardashian adjacent story. I was on a press trip in Vail and the hotel press contact was talking with us about the property and then somehow it came up that the Kardashians had come to town and wanted to stay there.
But they had all these crazy asks and wanted like a whole floor for free and he said he told them no and they stayed somewhere else. So some people are Keeping Out The Kardashians. 🥁
Love this! I think keeping away from the Kardashians is like the inverse of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.
I stopped watching TV in 2010, after two friends died of brain cancer, and I made the choice to cherish my brain and use it. But there was a fucking recession going on and I live in the West San Fernando Valley, so I got a retail job at Nordstrom where rich people yelled at me to "Iron this!" and "wrap that!" while letting their great danes shit near the designer shoes, as Kardashians roamed the aisles.
That's what Kardashians do. They roam and shop. They're everywhere I go: car lots and farmers markets... Kardashians. Same with Fabio. He stands behind me in line at markets, smiling. He's smiling at Mon Sushi in Tarzana. I think Fabio must be part of Mon Sushi's decor. He might have come with the sushi bar stools.
I don't watch TV--my precious brain. TV comes to me.
Haven't been to Mon Sushi. Do they have Fabio's headshot there? The headshots are always my favorite part of LA restaurants.
No need. He's always there 😄
"I made the choice to cherish my brain and use it." Tossing the TV is the first step, Michele. I did it three years ago. It was easier than I thought it would be.
Good for you. I agree. It was the best thing I ever did for my brain. It wasn't hard.
hahaha omg the LA kardashian connect is so real - the first therapist I went to out here - her big claim to fame was "SHE HAS BEEN THERAPIST TO THE KARDASHIANS" like she even went on their tv show to help them out it was hilarious
Next time someone comes to fix something at your place, ask them about the Kardashians and report back, Alex!
Our daughter is studying in Armenia, and we were finally able to visit her over Christmas, after the pandemic era restrictions had died down.
One day my wife Cara leans over and says 'there are a lot of Kardashian lookalikes here.'
I hadn't noticed, since it is basically the job of a husband to not notice such things.
Having received this ITK tip, I then lifted my head up and observed that, indeed, we were swimming in the Kardashian sea.
Not in any internet-breaking sense. More like general beauty. Cheekbones and lips.
And I suppose, now that I reflect, in terms of the money needed to make the cheekbones and lips pop.
Wow, you went deep into Kardashian territory! No idea what you're daughter is studying, but I'm hoping its Kardashian-related.
I was dating this girl in highschool and I went over to her house one time. Now, I have no idea how I convinced this girl to spend time with me, I was a nerd and she was pretty popular and hung out with the cool kids. Anyway, I was speaking with her mom in the kitchen and I have no idea how the Kardashians came up, but they did and I emphatically declared that "I hate the Kardashians and anyone that watches their show is a moron". Little did I know I was in a keeping up with the Kardashians household and the mom just quietly responded with "I love that show". Yeah that was pretty much the end of that relationship.
Wow, you spoke truth to power and you paid the price.
It was never gonna work out with that girl anyway haha.
BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! I applaud your foot-in-mouth honesty!
1. Hell damn no.
2. First no social media, then no TV, then two kids.
3. This is the one place where the universe has really shorted me. I can't recall one celebrity sighting in my time, not even of the C or D list variety.
4. My guess is another concerned citizen offered Jose a Coke Zero earlier that day.
5. The answer lies within: some people are assholes.
You are deprived. My advice is to visit Los Angeles and tell everyone you meet you're not leaving until you see a C or D list celeb. This plan usually works within 2-3 days.
Regarding number 2 - I think we should start a movement. Well... except for the kids part, of course. À bas TV and social media!
Welcome to the resistance, Comrade!
I think I might be a useful idiot, but I'm eager to see where this movement goes
Hereby resolved: 1.All readers shall provide a cool beverage on a hot day to people who we invite into our homes for work or social reasons. On cold days, the same applies except we may also offer a hot beverage. 2. We shall greet people working for us with a hello every day. 3. We shall say “thank you” and “goodbye” when they leave us.
I love this for the Situation Normal rules, Betsy! Now all I need to do is run for office and make these rules law. Something tells me I'll lose in a landslide.
It all depends on the office. Start with School Board, because some people should be aware of kindergarten rules.
I fully relate to the labor it takes to NOT keep up with the Kardashians.
I've spent over a decade trying to avoid them, then one day I thought, "maybe the show's like... funny, because they're so shallow and dumb?" so I tried to watch one episode.
It was not funny. It's so fake and scripted it's hurts. The phoniness nearly killed me. I was in the ICU for weeks. I don't think I will ever fully recover.
Also one of my friends from hs is a camera man for their show. I lost touch with him sadly, otherwise I would frankly love to get that tea.
Also, also I worked in a restaurant one summer and offered a delivery man water on a hot day. He was so appreciative and chugged it right in front of me. I never felt so good about myself in my life, hahaha. Ever since then I've been all but too excited to offer anyone water who enters my home.
I thought about watching it once. Actually, I thought about pitching an idea to a culture pub where I'd watch every single episode as a man who had never watched any. That might've been a decent, funny pitch, but Christina talked me out of it because "sanity."
In our house we only know the Kardashians as a pestilence that infiltrated the Lakers once upon a time. We died a little when Lamar Odom married one.
My most memorable encounter with a celebrity was when I came face to face with OJ Simpson on the stairs if a hotel in Italy and my partner humiliated himself by joking about the Hertz commercials Simpson used to make. . The next day,t breakfast, he introduced us to Nicole. We all waved at each other across the room. Then, a few years later, the white Bronco. Oddly, I never really remembered Attorney Kardashian. Johnny Corcoran was the one I remembered
Wow, I was not expecting someone to chime in with an OJ sighting, but you came through! Personally, I would've talked to him about Naked Gun. Speaking of sports, you make a good point about the Lakers. As a fan of LA sports, I get nervous whenever a good player starts dating someone who lives and dies in the tabloids. It's never a good career move.
1. Absolutely not. While - because I don't live under a rock - I am aware of their existence, that's the extent of my knowledge (oh, and that Ross played Father Kardashian in The Trial of OJ Simpson).
2. I generally try to avoid wallowing in shit.
3. Does George Bush I leaving the White House while my friends and I stood watching dressed in camos (we'd been on a disastrous camping trip - another story) count? It certainly counted for the secret service who spotted us ...
4. No one should drink anything that smells like suntan lotion. So, yes. Bold. But not beautiful.
5. People are generally rude - and 'the help' don't count. We offer drinks, too - usually tea (as it's England), but occasionally even a beer if the work's been done really well!
George Bush counts! Especially if the secret service took notice. But which Bush are we talking about, classic or junior?
The OG Bush - George the First. March 1989.
You got Bush 1 early in his first, and only, term. Way to go! Hope the secret service wasn't too rough on you guys.
I love this post! This one put me solidly in the "yes, I will become a paid subscriber" category.
1. I wouldn't know a Kardashian if one walked into me.
2. Never, ever read People or Us magazines at the hair salon.
3. My kindergarten-aged daughter pushed a luggage cart into Gordon Ramsay at Logan Airport baggage claim years ago.
4. Coconut LaCroix is always the BEST choice, in a non-alcoholic beverage context.
5. You got me. Why don't more people just plain act like human beings these days?
Thank you for becoming a paid subscriber, Christina! I really appreciate that. And if I ever meet a Kardashian, I'll thank them for the inspiration, then run like hell. I also love the Gordon Ramsay sighting. Was he cool about it, or about what we've come to expect from his public persona?
Surprisingly, he was pretty cool about it.
Who are the Kardashians?