The first-ish employee of a new coffee shop is always either the best in the coffee business or completely terrible. I don’t know which one you got but it sounds like he got the best customer.
I’m a marketing guy, and humor blogger — but I’ve started, ran and burned to the ground my own coffee shop for a year of my life in the midst of all the above. I also drink coffee. I’ve had my fair share of exposure to the industry.
Inspiration is a funny thing. Often comes from the most unpredictable places. I'm curious about what I'd do in such a situation. Probably I'd find the solution to the leaking cup in my backpack, and I'd put some band-aids on this tiny hole 🤔🩹☕️ And this poor barista guy... I think you might have been one of a few people who acted that calmly.
I think you're right that the barista probably got more than a few jerks who yelled at him. But you make a good point about how to solve this problem, reminds me of that quote about how necessity is the mother of invention.
Not exactly on the topic of coffee itself, but coffee shops. I'm not any big fan of Starbucks, but I find the little mom & pop coffeeshops equally disappointing. They are often quite sad places. Like, you can just tell they don't quite have it together when it comes to marketing or interior decoration. This makes me sound like a real jerk, but don't worry, I am about to take it a lot further than that. "Local" shops often have subpar artwork on the walls by local photographers and painters. Varying levels of objective quality, but even at the higher end you know this person is deeply passionate, but probably never going to "quit their day job." And it's always for sale. I always thought it would be an especially sinister social experiment to go into local coffee shops and buy ALL OF THE ART by one of these artists. Ten sub-par paintings? I'll take them all. The artist would go nuts with optimism and self worth, and then slowly devolve into a spiral of confusion as to why nobody ever bought any thing else after they sold their entire collection in one shot. This is to say nothing of the temporary havoc wreaked on the simple coffee shop that suddenly has an awkwardly blank wall until they can figure out their unexpected interior decoration problem.
This comment went to a dark place. 😂 But the next time I go to one of my favorite locals and see that the walls are barren, I'll know who is behind this sinister art play.
I like my humor like I like my coffee: black and bitter. Ha! Haven't thought of that idea in years. Perhaps you have re-inspired me and I will use that in my next short story.
I don't drink coffee, but I take my tea with two milks and two sugars. I've never read a Philip K Dick novel. I don't go to cafes very often, and they weren't memorable. And I'm not sure about non-dairy milks....
When my dad ordered from a drive-up coffee place once, he asked for "a couple of napkins" (granted my dad has a Texas/Arkansas twang) but ... really!?! The employee replied, "Do you want a lid with that?" My dad didn't know how to respond to that and proceeded to the window. Along with his coffee, he was handed a CUP of napkins. This is now a family classic Dad story!
Wooo thanks for the shoutout! Man, the cup-with-a-hole-thing made me laugh and laugh. People!!! I am pretty sure that that the owner must subconciously want his business to fail. It is so bonkers.
With something white (preferably from a cow) and something sweet (whatever kind). And iced coffee is my preferred way which is probably why I don't drink coffee that much and get my caffeine from diet sodas.
What’s your favorite Philip K. Dick novel?
Too long since I read them. Best I recall was, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep and I liked the book better than the original Blade Runner. Never saw the remake.
What’s something a barista said that you’ll never forget?
What would you like?
Should alternative milks be called milk, or is the alternative milk movement just a marketing scheme that’s gone too far?
It went too far when they came up with Non-Dairy Creamer. No way to change it now.
As astute and delightfully bonkers as always, Michael, but your comment about the IRS was so funny -- I would PAY for a subscription to Situation Normal based on that one comment alone. I love the way your head works. Sharron at LEAVES.
Uh... just how big does one have to be? I know some writers have thousands of subscribers. But the fact that I have a couple hundred readers is monumental for the likes of me. Just saying.
There are no rules. Any number is great! That said, there’s a threshold for me where it makes sense to think about paid, and that threshold is a ways off.
Fun story. I like the back and forth dialogue in the story. Here's my take(s) (no prompt required) -- the dairy industry wants the alternate milks to be referred to as juice as in oat juice...the trend will have gone too far when some firm starts peddling the human variety. If people start eating almond milk cheese all is lost. I assume the Big 3 is Starbucks, Dunkin and Tim Hortons. They are all in the business of selling sweet cakes and washing it down with coffee. You need the most sides at Starbucks as the coffee is so strong and dare I say bitter. I am partial to Caribou and Peet's when available. The Peet's Coffee story is awesome as the owner was altruistic from the beginning and is largely responsible for better beans used by everyone. (This reply was done under the influence of tea)
I really appreciate the comment, even if it was written under the influence of tea. I think almond cheese is actually a thing (I think I’ve seen it at the grocery store), but I don’t think it’s very popular. I’m partial to cashew cheese, as it melts really well for nachos. As for the Big 3, I was referring to Starbucks, Coffee Bean and Peet’s. The second two are pretty common here. But your right Dunkin’ and Tim Hortons are coffee cartel for sure. So Big 5.
I bet McDonals rates higher in the top 10 for coffee sales than most would realize. Something always feels "not right" about ordering coffee from McDonalds, even at breakfast. Worst coffee? I'll say Krsipy Kreme. It's unusually low grade coffee for a donut shop of any size.
You're probably right about McDonalds coffee sales. But you're definitely right about how ordering coffee there feels off. I don't think I've ever had their coffee, and I don't plan on having it, but I can't say why.
It’s that kind of innovative thinking we need more of, not just in the coffee biz, but in society at large. Are you open to running for office? The world needs your ideas!
And yes, I think a sticker probably would’ve held back the leak. In retrospect, it seems like they missed a branding opportunity with those stickers.
Hmmm. This one could be controversial. I see a lot of resistance to eating light bulbs, unless they’re dipped in chocolate or fried. Tell you what. I say we do a pop up offering fried lightbulbs and see how it goes. If it works, food truck. And if that works, globally domination, just like Meta
The first-ish employee of a new coffee shop is always either the best in the coffee business or completely terrible. I don’t know which one you got but it sounds like he got the best customer.
Enjoy your coffee whenever you can get it.
Thanks Daniel! It sounds like you have some experience in the coffee game. Are you a barista?
I’m a marketing guy, and humor blogger — but I’ve started, ran and burned to the ground my own coffee shop for a year of my life in the midst of all the above. I also drink coffee. I’ve had my fair share of exposure to the industry.
Great article!
Literally burned to the ground!? There’s gotta be a story there.
Oh. There’s a story.
Inspiration is a funny thing. Often comes from the most unpredictable places. I'm curious about what I'd do in such a situation. Probably I'd find the solution to the leaking cup in my backpack, and I'd put some band-aids on this tiny hole 🤔🩹☕️ And this poor barista guy... I think you might have been one of a few people who acted that calmly.
I think you're right that the barista probably got more than a few jerks who yelled at him. But you make a good point about how to solve this problem, reminds me of that quote about how necessity is the mother of invention.
You don't have the only Phillip K. Dick reference this week
Check out the cartoon for 4/13 on https://www.smbc-comics.com/
Looks like there’s a lot of people dicking around on the internet this week. Really like the cartoon, thanks for sharing the link!
Not exactly on the topic of coffee itself, but coffee shops. I'm not any big fan of Starbucks, but I find the little mom & pop coffeeshops equally disappointing. They are often quite sad places. Like, you can just tell they don't quite have it together when it comes to marketing or interior decoration. This makes me sound like a real jerk, but don't worry, I am about to take it a lot further than that. "Local" shops often have subpar artwork on the walls by local photographers and painters. Varying levels of objective quality, but even at the higher end you know this person is deeply passionate, but probably never going to "quit their day job." And it's always for sale. I always thought it would be an especially sinister social experiment to go into local coffee shops and buy ALL OF THE ART by one of these artists. Ten sub-par paintings? I'll take them all. The artist would go nuts with optimism and self worth, and then slowly devolve into a spiral of confusion as to why nobody ever bought any thing else after they sold their entire collection in one shot. This is to say nothing of the temporary havoc wreaked on the simple coffee shop that suddenly has an awkwardly blank wall until they can figure out their unexpected interior decoration problem.
This comment went to a dark place. 😂 But the next time I go to one of my favorite locals and see that the walls are barren, I'll know who is behind this sinister art play.
I like my humor like I like my coffee: black and bitter. Ha! Haven't thought of that idea in years. Perhaps you have re-inspired me and I will use that in my next short story.
I hope you do! I’d totally read a story about a sinister art scheme at a local coffee shop
I don't drink coffee, but I take my tea with two milks and two sugars. I've never read a Philip K Dick novel. I don't go to cafes very often, and they weren't memorable. And I'm not sure about non-dairy milks....
When my dad ordered from a drive-up coffee place once, he asked for "a couple of napkins" (granted my dad has a Texas/Arkansas twang) but ... really!?! The employee replied, "Do you want a lid with that?" My dad didn't know how to respond to that and proceeded to the window. Along with his coffee, he was handed a CUP of napkins. This is now a family classic Dad story!
Nice!
Wooo thanks for the shoutout! Man, the cup-with-a-hole-thing made me laugh and laugh. People!!! I am pretty sure that that the owner must subconciously want his business to fail. It is so bonkers.
You're welcome for the shoutout! Here's hoping more people discover your great newsletter!
OK, I'll be prompted
How do you take your coffee?
With something white (preferably from a cow) and something sweet (whatever kind). And iced coffee is my preferred way which is probably why I don't drink coffee that much and get my caffeine from diet sodas.
What’s your favorite Philip K. Dick novel?
Too long since I read them. Best I recall was, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep and I liked the book better than the original Blade Runner. Never saw the remake.
What’s something a barista said that you’ll never forget?
What would you like?
Should alternative milks be called milk, or is the alternative milk movement just a marketing scheme that’s gone too far?
It went too far when they came up with Non-Dairy Creamer. No way to change it now.
These are great answers, thank you for playing along with the prompt!
As astute and delightfully bonkers as always, Michael, but your comment about the IRS was so funny -- I would PAY for a subscription to Situation Normal based on that one comment alone. I love the way your head works. Sharron at LEAVES.
Thank you, Sharron! Not quite big enough to start doing subscriptions, so tell your friends about Situation Normal, and then I’ll take your money 😁
Uh... just how big does one have to be? I know some writers have thousands of subscribers. But the fact that I have a couple hundred readers is monumental for the likes of me. Just saying.
There are no rules. Any number is great! That said, there’s a threshold for me where it makes sense to think about paid, and that threshold is a ways off.
Fun story. I like the back and forth dialogue in the story. Here's my take(s) (no prompt required) -- the dairy industry wants the alternate milks to be referred to as juice as in oat juice...the trend will have gone too far when some firm starts peddling the human variety. If people start eating almond milk cheese all is lost. I assume the Big 3 is Starbucks, Dunkin and Tim Hortons. They are all in the business of selling sweet cakes and washing it down with coffee. You need the most sides at Starbucks as the coffee is so strong and dare I say bitter. I am partial to Caribou and Peet's when available. The Peet's Coffee story is awesome as the owner was altruistic from the beginning and is largely responsible for better beans used by everyone. (This reply was done under the influence of tea)
I really appreciate the comment, even if it was written under the influence of tea. I think almond cheese is actually a thing (I think I’ve seen it at the grocery store), but I don’t think it’s very popular. I’m partial to cashew cheese, as it melts really well for nachos. As for the Big 3, I was referring to Starbucks, Coffee Bean and Peet’s. The second two are pretty common here. But your right Dunkin’ and Tim Hortons are coffee cartel for sure. So Big 5.
I bet McDonals rates higher in the top 10 for coffee sales than most would realize. Something always feels "not right" about ordering coffee from McDonalds, even at breakfast. Worst coffee? I'll say Krsipy Kreme. It's unusually low grade coffee for a donut shop of any size.
You're probably right about McDonalds coffee sales. But you're definitely right about how ordering coffee there feels off. I don't think I've ever had their coffee, and I don't plan on having it, but I can't say why.
As far as tea and coffee, I was packing books away and saw "A History of the World in 6 Glasses" -- kinda reduces us down to what we drink...fun.
I’ve been meaning to read that book!
EZ Read, entertaining
I miss Peet's. SB & DD tops across country except MN where Caribou rules. Try Reindeer Blend only available during holidays. Rich SB taste not bitter
Peet’s is my go-to of the big guys. There’s one nearby. Gonna try Reindeer when the holidays roll around.
Peet's is the best. Never miss it when in the West.
4 - marketing scheme. I can get behind coconut milk, but milk from nuts seems quite odd
Big Coconut appreciates your support!
If the leak wasn’t too bad, maybe a sticker would’ve held the coffee in.
It’s that kind of innovative thinking we need more of, not just in the coffee biz, but in society at large. Are you open to running for office? The world needs your ideas!
And yes, I think a sticker probably would’ve held back the leak. In retrospect, it seems like they missed a branding opportunity with those stickers.
I’m ready for a lucrative position on a think tank. Here’s another idea: edible lightbulbs. When the bulb goes out, pop it in your mouth.
Hmmm. This one could be controversial. I see a lot of resistance to eating light bulbs, unless they’re dipped in chocolate or fried. Tell you what. I say we do a pop up offering fried lightbulbs and see how it goes. If it works, food truck. And if that works, globally domination, just like Meta
This comment is, effectively, a signed contract. Pleasure doing business with you.
Maybe a little butter and garlic...?
Eeeuuw....
Right? Or a double cup.