Last year flying I was getting ready to slip off my shoes. The TSA agent, an older guy, says no need, just go around. He then asked if my husband was behind me and said he could go around too. As I’m leaving he says if you’re over 75, you don’t have to go through. I was 72. I smiled and kept walking.
I speak for the Internet when I say WE MISSED YOU! You literally go the distance for these pieces! You’re hot on Cafe Anne’s heels my friend. I say move over Bosch…Detective Jean-Paul Belmondo is on The Catalytic Converter Caper! AMEX is clearly jealous of your vibe. There’s a whole Tumblr about it and everything…
Welcome back, we missed you! Hope you had a fab time and you have to tell us what you ended up reading. Which brings me to question 5: my habit from childhood, taught by my mother: Always bring a book. I was a little disappointed at my recent mammogram appointment when they called me in so fast I didn’t have time to read.
Reading did not go as planned. I tried to get into Cara Black, but it just didn’t click. Somewhere over the Atlantic I started the new Easy Rawlins novel. Loved it. I also read Nature Girl by Carl Hiassen.
Do it! But wait until the next season of “Bad Sisters” finishes dropping, then you can binge that and “Bad Monkey” and “Slow Horses” in a month for $10. And Monarch:Legacy of Monsters, while you’re at it. I was gonna quit Apple after finishing Slow Horses but then found Bad Monkey. There’s also something called “Sugar” that looks promising. Yeah, I’m hooked.
Same, Jessica. I’m convinced we should let the mammography techs run the country. I was in and out before my scheduled appointment time. And I had a good book with me too.
Apparently I have amazing ankles, because that’s what TSA fixates on when I enter the transporter. I thought ankle attractiveness went out in the 1890s, but maybe it’s like elephant pants, cycling back into fashion.🦵🦿
Nope, although I’ve been accused of having a few loose screws. Ba-dum! Actually the screening mishap occurs when I’m wearing jeans. Mid-shin pants (insert current fashion title here) don’t trigger it.
First, I hope Delta is sponsoring this story (ABC Estrin!).
Second, I think my best feature is my ADHD… thanks to my “gift”/best feature, I am a fucking (long) ball of the most random knowledge backed by hours of ridiculous research, largely that no-one cares about, but amazing enough to throw anyone, and I mean ANYONE off their game.
This knowledge can either annoy the shit out of someone, or sway them into fascination in under 60 seconds of convo (any chance I get to say convo, you bet yer arse I am going to take it) and make them forget WTF they asked me in the first place. This feature has helped me glide through all airport security measures and has even landed a few high fives.
While I don’t have a beard, I am in perimenopause, which means- I’m working on one!
TSA makes me go through the hands up device because my knee replacement sets off the regular screening. But, one time, they couldn't figure our what my underwater strobe was and made me toss the batteries and go back through the scanning again.
AMEX hates you because you got a second card from Christina and didn't spend the full amount of money for one of your own. Plus, they knew you are a writer and would trash them some day.
Bpgart!
I spend my airport time trying to find a "husband chair" while my wife goes through the shops. One time when there was no chair, I filled out a contest from while she shopped and won a cruise trip.
I used to travel with my 81 year old Aunt and my 80 year old father for a few years so they'd have someone to help out when they wanted to visit an extensive network of family. Obviously they didn't stay 81 and 80 but you get the picture: Tiny lady, preacher's wife, wholesome guy straight out of the Greatest Generation book. Every time, Every time she got pulled for the special search. Sometimes she had to take her shoes off, sometimes she just had to hold her arms out and get patted. We had to change planes twice on one trip and she got selected for the "random" search all three times. I decided they had to pick someone and got tired of catching flak from angry belligerent people so they picked the one sweet looking little old lady who they figured wouldn't give them crap about it. Not in your case, of course. Your great calves clearly would have signaled potential belligerent macho man, but still... sometimes if someone seems Too pleasant...
Same thing would happen to a friend of my mother-in-law’s who traveled a lot. 80-something-year-old tiny gray-haired lady traveling alone got pulled out for “random” searches by TSA all the time. So as not to look like they’re profiling, you know.
Ok here goes...I will share my humiliating airport security story. The latest indignity of the aging process involves me now having to wear Depends. I recently triggered the body scan at Ohare. The TSA guy pulled a woman over to deal with me. She showed me a graphic that indicated in red the area on my body that triggered. It was my crotch. I said "Oh for god's sake, I'm wearing padding!" She frisked me good, thoroughly enough to confirm that I was wearing disposable underwear. I have to say she was good at her job. She handled the situation with humor and we ended up laughing about it, but holy crap, now I guess there's yet another thing to dread about the whole flying experience.
When I was in theater, I was always assigned updo wigs because I had a "nice neck." But that was in my twenties. Now I have the neck of a forty-something ... sadly, less revered. But my ankles and wrists have maintained admirable daintiness well into middle age. Anytime someone has to put a wrist band on me I get to hear about how tiny my wrists are. I'll take it. 😂
First off, pictures of the calves or it never happened. Second, ummm, I can't think of the second because I'm still thinking of your calves...
Okay, I did not imagine writing this comment when I got up this morning.
Starting an only fans account.
I've got gorgeous eyelashes, but nobody notices because of my crazy eyes.
I noticed....
*eyelashes fluttering*
🧐🧐😵💫😵💫🤯🤯
Last year flying I was getting ready to slip off my shoes. The TSA agent, an older guy, says no need, just go around. He then asked if my husband was behind me and said he could go around too. As I’m leaving he says if you’re over 75, you don’t have to go through. I was 72. I smiled and kept walking.
Counting the days to my 75th bday.
I speak for the Internet when I say WE MISSED YOU! You literally go the distance for these pieces! You’re hot on Cafe Anne’s heels my friend. I say move over Bosch…Detective Jean-Paul Belmondo is on The Catalytic Converter Caper! AMEX is clearly jealous of your vibe. There’s a whole Tumblr about it and everything…
I have one pointy ear, which I believe makes me half-elf.
That is correct
Yay!
Welcome back, we missed you! Hope you had a fab time and you have to tell us what you ended up reading. Which brings me to question 5: my habit from childhood, taught by my mother: Always bring a book. I was a little disappointed at my recent mammogram appointment when they called me in so fast I didn’t have time to read.
Reading did not go as planned. I tried to get into Cara Black, but it just didn’t click. Somewhere over the Atlantic I started the new Easy Rawlins novel. Loved it. I also read Nature Girl by Carl Hiassen.
Just started watching “Bad Monkey” on Apple +. Really fun! (Speaking of Carl Hiassen.)
If anything moves me over the line to subscribe to Apple+ it’ll be that show
Do it! But wait until the next season of “Bad Sisters” finishes dropping, then you can binge that and “Bad Monkey” and “Slow Horses” in a month for $10. And Monarch:Legacy of Monsters, while you’re at it. I was gonna quit Apple after finishing Slow Horses but then found Bad Monkey. There’s also something called “Sugar” that looks promising. Yeah, I’m hooked.
There's a new Easy Rawlins novel?
Came out in June. Farewell, Amethystine.
Same, Jessica. I’m convinced we should let the mammography techs run the country. I was in and out before my scheduled appointment time. And I had a good book with me too.
Apparently I have amazing ankles, because that’s what TSA fixates on when I enter the transporter. I thought ankle attractiveness went out in the 1890s, but maybe it’s like elephant pants, cycling back into fashion.🦵🦿
Transporter! I have a 1970's Enterprise action playset with a spinning transporter exactly like theirs!
Do you have any metal in your ankles? I have about a dozen screws in my right ankle, but they never set off the transporter.
Nope, although I’ve been accused of having a few loose screws. Ba-dum! Actually the screening mishap occurs when I’m wearing jeans. Mid-shin pants (insert current fashion title here) don’t trigger it.
“He’s a good man, and thorough.” Thanks, Michael. You and Maude gave me my first snort-laugh of the morning. 😂
Wonderful!
NEXT TIME
First, I hope Delta is sponsoring this story (ABC Estrin!).
Second, I think my best feature is my ADHD… thanks to my “gift”/best feature, I am a fucking (long) ball of the most random knowledge backed by hours of ridiculous research, largely that no-one cares about, but amazing enough to throw anyone, and I mean ANYONE off their game.
This knowledge can either annoy the shit out of someone, or sway them into fascination in under 60 seconds of convo (any chance I get to say convo, you bet yer arse I am going to take it) and make them forget WTF they asked me in the first place. This feature has helped me glide through all airport security measures and has even landed a few high fives.
While I don’t have a beard, I am in perimenopause, which means- I’m working on one!
TSA makes me go through the hands up device because my knee replacement sets off the regular screening. But, one time, they couldn't figure our what my underwater strobe was and made me toss the batteries and go back through the scanning again.
AMEX hates you because you got a second card from Christina and didn't spend the full amount of money for one of your own. Plus, they knew you are a writer and would trash them some day.
Bpgart!
I spend my airport time trying to find a "husband chair" while my wife goes through the shops. One time when there was no chair, I filled out a contest from while she shopped and won a cruise trip.
I used to travel with my 81 year old Aunt and my 80 year old father for a few years so they'd have someone to help out when they wanted to visit an extensive network of family. Obviously they didn't stay 81 and 80 but you get the picture: Tiny lady, preacher's wife, wholesome guy straight out of the Greatest Generation book. Every time, Every time she got pulled for the special search. Sometimes she had to take her shoes off, sometimes she just had to hold her arms out and get patted. We had to change planes twice on one trip and she got selected for the "random" search all three times. I decided they had to pick someone and got tired of catching flak from angry belligerent people so they picked the one sweet looking little old lady who they figured wouldn't give them crap about it. Not in your case, of course. Your great calves clearly would have signaled potential belligerent macho man, but still... sometimes if someone seems Too pleasant...
Same thing would happen to a friend of my mother-in-law’s who traveled a lot. 80-something-year-old tiny gray-haired lady traveling alone got pulled out for “random” searches by TSA all the time. So as not to look like they’re profiling, you know.
Oh! Yeah, probably that too.
1. Inner Calm as long as it lasts.
2. No, I travel with sacrificial lambs.
3. It's not that they hate you it's that they love Christina more. Oh, oops... wrong? You're invisible.
4. Jean-Paul Belmondo
5. Ebooks, tons of them all packed into one little slim volume. Best invention since traveling libraries.
Ok here goes...I will share my humiliating airport security story. The latest indignity of the aging process involves me now having to wear Depends. I recently triggered the body scan at Ohare. The TSA guy pulled a woman over to deal with me. She showed me a graphic that indicated in red the area on my body that triggered. It was my crotch. I said "Oh for god's sake, I'm wearing padding!" She frisked me good, thoroughly enough to confirm that I was wearing disposable underwear. I have to say she was good at her job. She handled the situation with humor and we ended up laughing about it, but holy crap, now I guess there's yet another thing to dread about the whole flying experience.
Yikes. Did they put you in a private room?
Well, they did offer to, but as an old lady, I really don't care! As evidenced by the fact that I wrote this comment with my name on it. Lol
I don’t think there were metal detectors at airports until 9/11. I have great calves as well…. And a big brain but it is hard to see.
There were absolutely metal detectors at airports before 9/11. They started appearing in the early 1970s. TSA is post-9/11
macaroons? In Paris? This long before Passover?
I believe I spelled it wrong. I’m referring to the French cookie, not the coconut kosher for Passover cookie.
I'm jumping on the "calf pics, please" bandwagon.
When I was in theater, I was always assigned updo wigs because I had a "nice neck." But that was in my twenties. Now I have the neck of a forty-something ... sadly, less revered. But my ankles and wrists have maintained admirable daintiness well into middle age. Anytime someone has to put a wrist band on me I get to hear about how tiny my wrists are. I'll take it. 😂