I was mentally yelling “she’s flirting with you” from the moment Xerxes came up, and then mentally yelling with the same growing intensity of “he’s behind you!!” at a horror movie. Amazing. “My wife picks out my clothes” is also maybe the objectively funniest way to throw cold water on a flirtation. I don’t have a wife but I’m going to start using that line next time I get an unwanted advance from some dude. I bet it would work wonders ;)
I’m glad to hear that this story works as both comedy and horror! Thank you for teaching me that those two genres are two sides of the same coin. And yes, I think you’ve got the perfect cold water to throw in any unwanted flirtations.
Michael, er, Xerxes, you handled it like a pro. Also, I tend to have a similar response in those akward exchanges, except heightened and nervous, as in "Yes, my wife picks out my clothes, and my wife buys them, the mother of my children, my wife, we're married, 21 years, that's why I call her my wife. I'm going leave here now and go home to my wife... wife." Like somehow the stench of flirtations will stick to my clothes and all the women around me will detect it and give me dirty looks.
Thanks Brian! Glad to see that I’m not alone here. I mean, I’ve always got Xerxes, but it’s nice to know that we’re in the same professional, albeit awkward, boat.
I was mentally counting all the Michaels I know or have known while I was reading this. At least 7, but I'm probably forgetting some. They run the gamut from bastard to hero/unicorn, but I will say that those who go by Michael instead of Mike have an edge.
1. I think men are intimidated by bendy women. Hell, I'm intimidated by bendy women, which is why I do my yoga at home. I also think the constant threat of farting publicly (in front of bendy women) keeps men away from yoga classes. I'm making assumptions, really. Maybe they just don't have the clothes for it. ;)
2. The red and yellow is a tough sell. Red and Green - Christmas present. Red and Blue - Wonder Woman/Superman. Green and Brown - Jolly Green Giant. Red and Yellow - condiments. I agree, you were working it. But there's no way your wife picked that combo out for you. You definitely threw her under the yellow bus.
3. Pedro is hot, but he's Hollywood dad bod. There's undoubtedly massive training/manscaping going on behind the scenes. All to say, he's not an authentic dad bod, IMO.
4. I don't even know how to pronounce Xerxes. But you do kind of look like one.
6. This is a great question. I would LOVE to see the word DAD removed from the phrase dad bod as much as I'd like to see the word MOM removed from mom jeans or mom pooch (HATE). Your bod is your bod, Michael. And my jeans are my jeans. And we're both super qualified to rock them.
12. YES, SHE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU. Kind of shamelessly actually. And I can say that because I'm a shameless flirt myself. I am wondering now if you dropped the wife card with Miss Flirtsy less to blame your wife for your clothes and more to get her on this gal's radar, so she might see a reason to back the F off and find a man of her own... or whatever.
2. You are correct. I put the red and yellow together myself. But in my defense, those were the only clean workout clothes I had. Also, as I think I’ve made clear, I am not fashion forward.
3. I think you’re right about Pedro and his bod. Far more work goes into his dad bod than your typical dad bod. This may be why I didn’t get a callback for The Mandalorian.
6. Amen & hell yes!
12. I often bring up my wife in casual conversation, but I think you’re right, there was something about my response that was meant to signal, on some level, that this ain’t the dad bod you’re looking for.
2. Red and yellow make orange, which probably looks great on you.
You were halfway there.
12. I pictured you using a Jedi hand motion while saying "this ain't the dad bod you're looking for." 😂😂 Very effective mind trick, padawan. I personally gesture wildly and often with my wedding ring hand when I feel like the target of "awkward" flirting. But considering how rarely that happens these days, I might just lean next time and tell the guy my name is Xerxes and let him squeeze my arm... Before I recoil and answer a phantom phone call from my jealous husband.
As a yoga teacher, I'll say good for you for sticking with your practice! And if you think guys are in the minority in classes in LA, try taking a yoga class in Oklahoma. I hope your practice continues to bring you benefits. Also, PEDRO PASCAL DAD BOD YES PLEASE
Answer to question 2. It's already happened, obviously. Starting at 11.08 GMT this morning when you posted this essay, ketchup and mustard yoga attire has been flying off the shelves worldwide, Michael. #trendsetter
I laughed at so many parts of this story! Xerxes! "Just guess Michael!" Ketchup and mustard!
Also, I'd like to push-back on your claim of the "nonexistent romantic trope of a pudgy Jewish guy with thick glasses." As evidence, I'll present Seth Rogen. The guy is a walking romantic trope!
The picture. I am dead. And personally, I'm not getting the Pedro Pascal mania. And I don't like The Last of Us. There, I said it. I'm probably going to be cancelled.
Haha, glad the picture made you laugh, Bev! I don't understand the Pedro Pascal mania either. I like The Last of Us, but I don't love it. I didn't play the game, though, so maybe that's my problem. Actually, my problem is that it feels a little too much like a video game. I'm all for faithful adaptations, but I get frustrated when we meet interesting characters then get their entire story in one episode, then never see them again.
So you're telling me that the historically accurate cinematic masterpiece "300" lied to me with its presentation of Xerxes as an insanely cut Rodrigo Santoro, and he instead should have had a dad bod?
That’s exactly what I’m telling you! But the good news, if you choose to see it that way, is that Xerxes is somewhere in the Valley, and he’s WAY more approachable than you think.
Also, historically speaking, the Persian war with Greece was actually settled by a dude named Michael, who held peace talks at a yoga retreat. Over kebabs and hummus, he Michael brokered a peace based on mutual respect, sharing of food culture, and adopting the warrior pose as a form of exercise, rather than a posture for war.
I would acquiesce to a LOT if there were kebabs and hummus involved! Also, now I'm down the rabbit hole to see if Pedro Pascal and Rodrigo Santoro ever appeared in anything together!
I never know when someone is flirting with me! Apparently it requires a special detection skill set we lack! Leonardo DiCaprio has a total dad bod. I am impressed you can get through yoga classes. And Christina sounds like someone I would like to be friends with!
I think we’re just too much in our heads to see flirtations. When I was younger, friends would often point out that someone was flirting with me and I just didn’t see it because, well, I genuinely thought that a woman at a bar, for example, really wanted to hear my thoughts on early American industrial policy, or the various, meandering subplots of Inherent Vice. I mean, I like talking about those things, but according to my friends, I manage the subtle art of being “smart, but clueless.”
Haha! Same!! I have not actually met anyone else who struggles with that so it’s really nice to have a kindred spirit! One guy had to finally break down and tell me flat out in a fit of pique that he had been trying to sleep with me for months! 🙀
Haha! But seriously the more I watch that show, the more I question “the way” because every time they say that, I’m like, “yeah, I’d totally do it a different way.”
I was mentally yelling “she’s flirting with you” from the moment Xerxes came up, and then mentally yelling with the same growing intensity of “he’s behind you!!” at a horror movie. Amazing. “My wife picks out my clothes” is also maybe the objectively funniest way to throw cold water on a flirtation. I don’t have a wife but I’m going to start using that line next time I get an unwanted advance from some dude. I bet it would work wonders ;)
I’m glad to hear that this story works as both comedy and horror! Thank you for teaching me that those two genres are two sides of the same coin. And yes, I think you’ve got the perfect cold water to throw in any unwanted flirtations.
It's a good plan, I think it will work!
Xerxes backward is "Sex Rex." She wasn't just flirting, she was flinging herself at you.
So ... Sex King. I'll definitely be using that!
Let us know how that title works out for you!
Interesting take!
Well said!
Michael, er, Xerxes, you handled it like a pro. Also, I tend to have a similar response in those akward exchanges, except heightened and nervous, as in "Yes, my wife picks out my clothes, and my wife buys them, the mother of my children, my wife, we're married, 21 years, that's why I call her my wife. I'm going leave here now and go home to my wife... wife." Like somehow the stench of flirtations will stick to my clothes and all the women around me will detect it and give me dirty looks.
Thanks Brian! Glad to see that I’m not alone here. I mean, I’ve always got Xerxes, but it’s nice to know that we’re in the same professional, albeit awkward, boat.
😂😂😂
That last "...wife" sent me over the edge. 😅😂
I was mentally counting all the Michaels I know or have known while I was reading this. At least 7, but I'm probably forgetting some. They run the gamut from bastard to hero/unicorn, but I will say that those who go by Michael instead of Mike have an edge.
1. I think men are intimidated by bendy women. Hell, I'm intimidated by bendy women, which is why I do my yoga at home. I also think the constant threat of farting publicly (in front of bendy women) keeps men away from yoga classes. I'm making assumptions, really. Maybe they just don't have the clothes for it. ;)
2. The red and yellow is a tough sell. Red and Green - Christmas present. Red and Blue - Wonder Woman/Superman. Green and Brown - Jolly Green Giant. Red and Yellow - condiments. I agree, you were working it. But there's no way your wife picked that combo out for you. You definitely threw her under the yellow bus.
3. Pedro is hot, but he's Hollywood dad bod. There's undoubtedly massive training/manscaping going on behind the scenes. All to say, he's not an authentic dad bod, IMO.
4. I don't even know how to pronounce Xerxes. But you do kind of look like one.
5. I like the notion that by moving and breathing I'm getting somewhere. Sets the bar nice and low on days when my self-doubt nemesis comes calling. https://stockfiction.substack.com/p/name-my-nemesis
6. This is a great question. I would LOVE to see the word DAD removed from the phrase dad bod as much as I'd like to see the word MOM removed from mom jeans or mom pooch (HATE). Your bod is your bod, Michael. And my jeans are my jeans. And we're both super qualified to rock them.
12. YES, SHE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU. Kind of shamelessly actually. And I can say that because I'm a shameless flirt myself. I am wondering now if you dropped the wife card with Miss Flirtsy less to blame your wife for your clothes and more to get her on this gal's radar, so she might see a reason to back the F off and find a man of her own... or whatever.
Great post. Enjoy your journey today.
Meg! This is a great comment, thank you! So much here to talk about.
1. I don’t know if men are intimidated by bendy women. But I do know that I am intimidated by the idea of bending my body the way some bendy women do. Also, the farting. That fear is real! I actually wrote a story about a farting yogi. https://open.substack.com/pub/michaelestrin/p/the-farting-yogi-and-the-pain-in?utm_source=direct&r=1fqhx&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
2. You are correct. I put the red and yellow together myself. But in my defense, those were the only clean workout clothes I had. Also, as I think I’ve made clear, I am not fashion forward.
3. I think you’re right about Pedro and his bod. Far more work goes into his dad bod than your typical dad bod. This may be why I didn’t get a callback for The Mandalorian.
6. Amen & hell yes!
12. I often bring up my wife in casual conversation, but I think you’re right, there was something about my response that was meant to signal, on some level, that this ain’t the dad bod you’re looking for.
2. Red and yellow make orange, which probably looks great on you.
You were halfway there.
12. I pictured you using a Jedi hand motion while saying "this ain't the dad bod you're looking for." 😂😂 Very effective mind trick, padawan. I personally gesture wildly and often with my wedding ring hand when I feel like the target of "awkward" flirting. But considering how rarely that happens these days, I might just lean next time and tell the guy my name is Xerxes and let him squeeze my arm... Before I recoil and answer a phantom phone call from my jealous husband.
I’ve been told I look good in orange, but with the way things are going at yoga, I think an orange hoodie might be too much😁
As a yoga teacher, I'll say good for you for sticking with your practice! And if you think guys are in the minority in classes in LA, try taking a yoga class in Oklahoma. I hope your practice continues to bring you benefits. Also, PEDRO PASCAL DAD BOD YES PLEASE
Answer to question 2. It's already happened, obviously. Starting at 11.08 GMT this morning when you posted this essay, ketchup and mustard yoga attire has been flying off the shelves worldwide, Michael. #trendsetter
You’re welcome, world! Also, thank you, Rebecca!
🙌
6. Disqualify? No. But, much like those who make terrible Dad jokes but are not fathers, it simply makes you...
*drumroll*
A faux pa. 😁
I laughed at so many parts of this story! Xerxes! "Just guess Michael!" Ketchup and mustard!
Also, I'd like to push-back on your claim of the "nonexistent romantic trope of a pudgy Jewish guy with thick glasses." As evidence, I'll present Seth Rogen. The guy is a walking romantic trope!
You make a good point about Seth Rogen, although it hits a little close to home. He’s one of Christina’s celebrity crushes. I guess she had a type😁
The picture. I am dead. And personally, I'm not getting the Pedro Pascal mania. And I don't like The Last of Us. There, I said it. I'm probably going to be cancelled.
Haha, glad the picture made you laugh, Bev! I don't understand the Pedro Pascal mania either. I like The Last of Us, but I don't love it. I didn't play the game, though, so maybe that's my problem. Actually, my problem is that it feels a little too much like a video game. I'm all for faithful adaptations, but I get frustrated when we meet interesting characters then get their entire story in one episode, then never see them again.
You’re right. And the writing is not exactly stellar.
I loved the episode with Nick Offerman. I would’ve watched an entire series about that couple.
#2. Having grown up in LA, near USC, somehow your yoga outfit is screaming USC football at me. Just to say that the colors seem to match!
Haha! I’m glad someone mentioned that. The shades are a little off, but yes, those are Trojan colors.
So you're telling me that the historically accurate cinematic masterpiece "300" lied to me with its presentation of Xerxes as an insanely cut Rodrigo Santoro, and he instead should have had a dad bod?
That’s exactly what I’m telling you! But the good news, if you choose to see it that way, is that Xerxes is somewhere in the Valley, and he’s WAY more approachable than you think.
Also, historically speaking, the Persian war with Greece was actually settled by a dude named Michael, who held peace talks at a yoga retreat. Over kebabs and hummus, he Michael brokered a peace based on mutual respect, sharing of food culture, and adopting the warrior pose as a form of exercise, rather than a posture for war.
I would acquiesce to a LOT if there were kebabs and hummus involved! Also, now I'm down the rabbit hole to see if Pedro Pascal and Rodrigo Santoro ever appeared in anything together!
Let us know what you find in that rabbit hole.
Xerxes. Sounds like something one does...in private. Seriously though, Xerxes is Achashvarosh. It's Purim, Michael.
Thanks for the reminder! Gotta go get some Hamentashen.
I never know when someone is flirting with me! Apparently it requires a special detection skill set we lack! Leonardo DiCaprio has a total dad bod. I am impressed you can get through yoga classes. And Christina sounds like someone I would like to be friends with!
I think we’re just too much in our heads to see flirtations. When I was younger, friends would often point out that someone was flirting with me and I just didn’t see it because, well, I genuinely thought that a woman at a bar, for example, really wanted to hear my thoughts on early American industrial policy, or the various, meandering subplots of Inherent Vice. I mean, I like talking about those things, but according to my friends, I manage the subtle art of being “smart, but clueless.”
Haha! Same!! I have not actually met anyone else who struggles with that so it’s really nice to have a kindred spirit! One guy had to finally break down and tell me flat out in a fit of pique that he had been trying to sleep with me for months! 🙀
Could be mistaken for a McDonald's mascot with that colour pallet. 😁
Good point! Nice to know I could get a gig promoting McDonald’s if this writing thing flops.
Pedro P:” this is the way, Michael, this is the way”...
Haha! But seriously the more I watch that show, the more I question “the way” because every time they say that, I’m like, “yeah, I’d totally do it a different way.”
Not sure if links are allowed on here, but the pedro pascal lie detector interview from vanity fair just made me like him more https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oU7-KMGZ4bc
relevant links are totally allowed and encouraged! thank you for sharing this!