But the older, wiser me knows that you can’t really fix another person’s problem. All you can do is listen, and hear them, and crawl into whatever hole they’re in and just be there with them so they don’t have to go through one of life’s shit-storms alone.
Mar 12, 2023·edited Mar 12, 2023Liked by Michael Estrin
I saw what you did there: Life cereal, Life game, then life. Rule of three and everything- bravo!
1. I’d say all of the above, but I don’t do social media.
2. As a kid I played that game recklessly. Fill that car up with kids and get to the poorhouse asap!
3. My secret is this: get old. Once you pass 65, all that stuff is academic.
4. Tapatio is great, as is Cholula. I do like Sriracha, but only the original brand, made in the San Gabriel Valley.
5. It’s Sunday morning, my friend, and we’ve all lost an hour of sleep. I will call Steve in Brooklyn tonight, but you’ll have to read my ‘stack if you want to know how it went.
Thanks for sharing your secret to not being bummed out by the expectations you set for yourself when you were younger. I’m about 20 years away from cashing in on that secret, but I think I can deal in the meantime. Enjoy your call with your friend in Brooklyn!
I sit dead center in the Gen-X cohort. I'm old enough to remember not having an answering machine. If you called someone and they weren't home, suck it. Try again some random time in the future and good luck. And if you were the one who wasn't home, it was like complete freedom. Somebody called? Who cares? I'm not home. Of course, I was a kid and not really concerned about missing an important business call from publishers clearing house or the State Department. But, whatever. Heaven compared to the leashes we have today.
You nailed it, Scott. I miss the freedom of just being somewhere (anywhere) without a phone, and everyone just accepting that you were unreachable because you weren't at home. I was a kid then too, so maybe I never paid the price of missing an important call, but damn it, those were good times!
Today my wife and I have a “shoot the shit” appointment with friends of ours, which I’m looking forward to. But I have trouble just reaching out to folks unannounced, even close friends. Maybe I’m worried I’m bothering them?
I like the not-too-spicy, very flavorful Pepper Plant sauces.
I totally understand that worry. It’s just so strange, though, because I never worried about that in the 90s and early aughts. But the minute texting became a thing, picking up the phone to actually call someone became so much more intimidating.
"But the older, wiser me knows that you can’t really fix another person’s problem. All you can do is listen, and hear them, and crawl into whatever hole they’re in and just be there with them so they don’t have to go through one of life’s shit-storms alone."
Parties on both sides everywhere would do well to recognize this.
I'm def guilty of being a text-to-call person...mostly scheduling any phone chats, which are few and far between, weeks in advance. It's a bummer. But I'm an old millennial so it's just the way we do things. As such, I also hardcore relate to feeling like I'm not making/have never made/will never make any kind of "real" progress toward being an adult. If my life was the game of Life, I'd be in solid last place.
I really appreciate this comment, Jill. You are not alone in any of this. Also, I think it's safe to say that we should round up all the old Life board games and make a bon fire. OK, that sounds extreme. But if Hollywood adapts it into some terrible movie, we should totally shit-post about it, then text our friends and tell them to do the same.
1. I'm not really into calling people, but me and my friends get together (a lot) to shoot the shit face-to-face. By the way: really loved the concept of "shoot the shit"! After the pandemics, I'm really avoiding the whole "seeing/talking to people through screens".
3. I guess Past Me likes Present Me just as I do. My biggest problem is Present Me thoughts about Future Me!
5. After this, I'm gonna visit my best friend after work, do some monday shoot the shit session!
1. I used to be a big phone guy -- like talk to a different friend each day of the week for an hour or more. I'd still do that today, but it's my friends who are no longer amenable to it due to jobs, kids, life in general. Nowadays I only have one friend that I talk to routinely. We catch up every week for at least an hour, but coordinating via text first is SOP.
3. Not that I've got it all figured out, but I don't really think in "What ifs" or "What could have been." Any counterfactual from the past is just a thought exercise, which is ultimately unhelpful. I think engaging in a bit of fatalism actually helps in this regard. One day I'll die, and be forgotten, so as long as I'm doing the best I can -- mistakes granted and mistakes be damned -- then that's all I can control.
4. I want all the hot sauces. Each has its own special uses, and all our welcome in our home.
5. Yes! My aforementioned friend and I are speaking this Tuesday. Arranged via text, of course.
I really admire your ability to engage in a bit of fatalism. You should write a piece called Making Fatalism Work for You. For me, fatalism is toxic even in small doses. Well, the thing is, I don't do small doses. Once I crack open a bottle of fatalism, I finish the bottle and I'm likely to start another one. So I try to avoid it. But like I said, I admire your ability to manage the dose and get something good in return.
A quick coda on "shooting the shit" with my friends. Sometimes I do randomly call my friends and they NEVER answer anymore. And since leaving a voicemail is now a war crime at The Hague, I find the process of randomly calling friends a little deflating and have largely abandoned it.
Nothing beats a live phone call--except, of course, an actual discussion in person. I'm from the era when I would chat with a friend on the phone in the evening, keep talking till we both fell asleep with the phones in our hands, then woke up and kept talking (you could do that before cell phones because you didn't fry your brain when it was up against your head for 12 hours). And Life Cereal? The BEST!!
You had me at talking all night or better yet talking in person! But Life Cereal?! Oh no! I mean to each their own😁😁😁 Question: is Life Cereal still around? I mostly shop at Trader Joe’s and I make overnight oats, so I’m not exactly current on cereal trends.
That's a good question; I have no idea. I had to give up gluten, sugar and all processed foods in 2009, so I haven't bought packaged cereal since then. If it does exist. . . I might just have to make an exception now. ;)
I sorta miss the sugar cereals of my youth. I was a big fan of Lucky Charms. But at a certain point I just had to face the fact that marshmallows aren’t part of a healthy breakfast.
Don't get me started (or else we might go on forever). I loved Lucky Charms! But Cap'n Crunch was my fave. And also Cocoa Puffs. Or, basicallly, anything that was more sugar than cereal. :P
Also, Sunday is our day to do a Zoom call with a couple friends. We've been doing this now since the plague started. We used to get together at a restaurant for breakfast every Sunday. Now we spend a couple hours chatting and having breakfast from our own homes. This is not the future I imagined.
I think you really nailed it with your comments, David. This is absolutely not the future anyone imagined. The one thing I like about Zoom is that I can see friends who live in other cities. That’s special. But Zooms with people who live in the same city seem sad in ways that an old fashioned phone call never did.
I remember a time when I could just show up at a friend's house, knock on the door and be welcomed in. (Assuming they were home.) I didn't call first. I just showed up.
Now? Now it takes at least a half dozen text messages over three days to make an appointment to maybe get together in a month. Covid has made things worse but it was already bad before the plague.
So I have only ONE friend I feel comfortable calling to shoot the shit, having no agenda, call without notice all ok. But we've been doing that and keeping it up for 15 years living in different cities since being college roomies and seeing each other every day. It feels special but I also lament that I didn't try to maintain this sort of casual keep-up with anyone else! I'm always delighted when someone calls me and like you said if I can't talk or if it's not a good time, I just don't answer and will try them back. IMO people who grumble about unexpected phone calls need to use do-not-disturb settings more. My phone is on dnd a LOT if I feel like I don't want to be reached. I guess depends on the person if I prefer a text before? But then it feels like if I don't want to talk but don't have a "good" reason I have to think really hard so I almost rather not have notice and just be able to ignore it until I'm ready? Idk. Now thinking I should just start calling more people and see what happens. OH! And I use Voxer app with some other friends because we're diff time zones or just kid schedules, it's kinda nice bc it's like having a long phone convo but at your leisure and over the course of days.
Tabasco sriracha. No, no, no, no, no. Everyone, stick to your lane!
I like that hot sauce with the lady on it. Is that the Cholula? It has actual flavor, not just hotness.
I was thinking that you're right, no one just calls anymore. But actually those of us in 12-step programs DO just call each other. But I don't think of them as phone calls because we always refer to them as "program calls."
That's so interesting about the program calls. I have a few friends who are in 12-step programs. One of them is even someone I call just to shoot the shit. Gonna ask him about this next time we chat.
And yes, the hot sauce you favor is Cholula, and it tastes great!
'i like this like a whole lot
But the older, wiser me knows that you can’t really fix another person’s problem. All you can do is listen, and hear them, and crawl into whatever hole they’re in and just be there with them so they don’t have to go through one of life’s shit-storms alone.
Thank you, Alex! It’s easier said than done, and to be honest, even older, wiser me struggles to take his own advice on this front.
as my therapist literally reminded me this morning about this very thing - it's a lifetime's worth of work figuring this shit out
So true! But what I'm trying to figure out is how you get a therapist who works on Sundays. That's a next level life hack right there.
she takes Thur, Fri, and Sat off!
i think. lol. def fri and sat tho i know
Very true. People change if at all at their own pace! I’ve learned this the hard way!!!
I saw what you did there: Life cereal, Life game, then life. Rule of three and everything- bravo!
1. I’d say all of the above, but I don’t do social media.
2. As a kid I played that game recklessly. Fill that car up with kids and get to the poorhouse asap!
3. My secret is this: get old. Once you pass 65, all that stuff is academic.
4. Tapatio is great, as is Cholula. I do like Sriracha, but only the original brand, made in the San Gabriel Valley.
5. It’s Sunday morning, my friend, and we’ve all lost an hour of sleep. I will call Steve in Brooklyn tonight, but you’ll have to read my ‘stack if you want to know how it went.
Thanks for sharing your secret to not being bummed out by the expectations you set for yourself when you were younger. I’m about 20 years away from cashing in on that secret, but I think I can deal in the meantime. Enjoy your call with your friend in Brooklyn!
I just discovered that my phone did speech to text while I drive, so, I may never speak to a living person ever again.
I always forget about speech to text. I probably should use it to save my thumbs from typing on my phone.
I sit dead center in the Gen-X cohort. I'm old enough to remember not having an answering machine. If you called someone and they weren't home, suck it. Try again some random time in the future and good luck. And if you were the one who wasn't home, it was like complete freedom. Somebody called? Who cares? I'm not home. Of course, I was a kid and not really concerned about missing an important business call from publishers clearing house or the State Department. But, whatever. Heaven compared to the leashes we have today.
You nailed it, Scott. I miss the freedom of just being somewhere (anywhere) without a phone, and everyone just accepting that you were unreachable because you weren't at home. I was a kid then too, so maybe I never paid the price of missing an important call, but damn it, those were good times!
Crystal hot sauce spanks Tabasco’s vinegary butt. Try it and see for yourself.
Seconded
I’ve never tried Crystal. Not sure I’ve seen it at the supermarket. Is it a regional / local brand?
Could be regional. I moved to south Louisiana a year ago and found it here.
Interesting. I’ll search on Amazon. Something tells me that the people of Louisiana do not mess around when it comes to hot sauce.
Agreed. It has heat, but not too much. It’s more the full bodied texture and balance that exposes the hype of Big Tabasco.
Today my wife and I have a “shoot the shit” appointment with friends of ours, which I’m looking forward to. But I have trouble just reaching out to folks unannounced, even close friends. Maybe I’m worried I’m bothering them?
I like the not-too-spicy, very flavorful Pepper Plant sauces.
I totally understand that worry. It’s just so strange, though, because I never worried about that in the 90s and early aughts. But the minute texting became a thing, picking up the phone to actually call someone became so much more intimidating.
Also, enjoy your shit shooting appointment!
Same, but I was a teen in the 90s, so I never worried about interrupting friends at work or while they’re trying to cook a meal for their kids.
Wait a minute! Are you suggesting that now that we’re older and somewhere in that middle age area, we’ve become--what’s the word?--considerate?
My empathy increases as my body deteriorates!
"But the older, wiser me knows that you can’t really fix another person’s problem. All you can do is listen, and hear them, and crawl into whatever hole they’re in and just be there with them so they don’t have to go through one of life’s shit-storms alone."
Parties on both sides everywhere would do well to recognize this.
Came here to make the same comment.
I'm def guilty of being a text-to-call person...mostly scheduling any phone chats, which are few and far between, weeks in advance. It's a bummer. But I'm an old millennial so it's just the way we do things. As such, I also hardcore relate to feeling like I'm not making/have never made/will never make any kind of "real" progress toward being an adult. If my life was the game of Life, I'd be in solid last place.
I really appreciate this comment, Jill. You are not alone in any of this. Also, I think it's safe to say that we should round up all the old Life board games and make a bon fire. OK, that sounds extreme. But if Hollywood adapts it into some terrible movie, we should totally shit-post about it, then text our friends and tell them to do the same.
It's a plan!!
1. I'm not really into calling people, but me and my friends get together (a lot) to shoot the shit face-to-face. By the way: really loved the concept of "shoot the shit"! After the pandemics, I'm really avoiding the whole "seeing/talking to people through screens".
3. I guess Past Me likes Present Me just as I do. My biggest problem is Present Me thoughts about Future Me!
5. After this, I'm gonna visit my best friend after work, do some monday shoot the shit session!
I love this plan! Enjoy your post-work shit shooting sessions, João!
1. I used to be a big phone guy -- like talk to a different friend each day of the week for an hour or more. I'd still do that today, but it's my friends who are no longer amenable to it due to jobs, kids, life in general. Nowadays I only have one friend that I talk to routinely. We catch up every week for at least an hour, but coordinating via text first is SOP.
3. Not that I've got it all figured out, but I don't really think in "What ifs" or "What could have been." Any counterfactual from the past is just a thought exercise, which is ultimately unhelpful. I think engaging in a bit of fatalism actually helps in this regard. One day I'll die, and be forgotten, so as long as I'm doing the best I can -- mistakes granted and mistakes be damned -- then that's all I can control.
4. I want all the hot sauces. Each has its own special uses, and all our welcome in our home.
5. Yes! My aforementioned friend and I are speaking this Tuesday. Arranged via text, of course.
I really admire your ability to engage in a bit of fatalism. You should write a piece called Making Fatalism Work for You. For me, fatalism is toxic even in small doses. Well, the thing is, I don't do small doses. Once I crack open a bottle of fatalism, I finish the bottle and I'm likely to start another one. So I try to avoid it. But like I said, I admire your ability to manage the dose and get something good in return.
Too much fatalism puts you on the fast track to nihilism. And we all know how that ends, Dude.
Nihilism isn’t even an ethos
A quick coda on "shooting the shit" with my friends. Sometimes I do randomly call my friends and they NEVER answer anymore. And since leaving a voicemail is now a war crime at The Hague, I find the process of randomly calling friends a little deflating and have largely abandoned it.
My Mexican parents would probably disown me for this, but I’m a couple-of-drops-of Frank’s Red Hot gal.
Nooooooooo! Just kidding, I like Frank's just fine. But this is the same vibe I got when I used to tell my family I didn't like lox.
Nothing beats a live phone call--except, of course, an actual discussion in person. I'm from the era when I would chat with a friend on the phone in the evening, keep talking till we both fell asleep with the phones in our hands, then woke up and kept talking (you could do that before cell phones because you didn't fry your brain when it was up against your head for 12 hours). And Life Cereal? The BEST!!
You had me at talking all night or better yet talking in person! But Life Cereal?! Oh no! I mean to each their own😁😁😁 Question: is Life Cereal still around? I mostly shop at Trader Joe’s and I make overnight oats, so I’m not exactly current on cereal trends.
That's a good question; I have no idea. I had to give up gluten, sugar and all processed foods in 2009, so I haven't bought packaged cereal since then. If it does exist. . . I might just have to make an exception now. ;)
I sorta miss the sugar cereals of my youth. I was a big fan of Lucky Charms. But at a certain point I just had to face the fact that marshmallows aren’t part of a healthy breakfast.
Don't get me started (or else we might go on forever). I loved Lucky Charms! But Cap'n Crunch was my fave. And also Cocoa Puffs. Or, basicallly, anything that was more sugar than cereal. :P
Cocoa Puffs! Hell yes to Cocoa Puffs!
:D :D :D
Also, Sunday is our day to do a Zoom call with a couple friends. We've been doing this now since the plague started. We used to get together at a restaurant for breakfast every Sunday. Now we spend a couple hours chatting and having breakfast from our own homes. This is not the future I imagined.
I think you really nailed it with your comments, David. This is absolutely not the future anyone imagined. The one thing I like about Zoom is that I can see friends who live in other cities. That’s special. But Zooms with people who live in the same city seem sad in ways that an old fashioned phone call never did.
I remember a time when I could just show up at a friend's house, knock on the door and be welcomed in. (Assuming they were home.) I didn't call first. I just showed up.
Now? Now it takes at least a half dozen text messages over three days to make an appointment to maybe get together in a month. Covid has made things worse but it was already bad before the plague.
So I have only ONE friend I feel comfortable calling to shoot the shit, having no agenda, call without notice all ok. But we've been doing that and keeping it up for 15 years living in different cities since being college roomies and seeing each other every day. It feels special but I also lament that I didn't try to maintain this sort of casual keep-up with anyone else! I'm always delighted when someone calls me and like you said if I can't talk or if it's not a good time, I just don't answer and will try them back. IMO people who grumble about unexpected phone calls need to use do-not-disturb settings more. My phone is on dnd a LOT if I feel like I don't want to be reached. I guess depends on the person if I prefer a text before? But then it feels like if I don't want to talk but don't have a "good" reason I have to think really hard so I almost rather not have notice and just be able to ignore it until I'm ready? Idk. Now thinking I should just start calling more people and see what happens. OH! And I use Voxer app with some other friends because we're diff time zones or just kid schedules, it's kinda nice bc it's like having a long phone convo but at your leisure and over the course of days.
Love this comment, Sara! I've never heard of the Voxer app, but this seems really cool. Gonna check it out!
Tabasco sriracha. No, no, no, no, no. Everyone, stick to your lane!
I like that hot sauce with the lady on it. Is that the Cholula? It has actual flavor, not just hotness.
I was thinking that you're right, no one just calls anymore. But actually those of us in 12-step programs DO just call each other. But I don't think of them as phone calls because we always refer to them as "program calls."
That's so interesting about the program calls. I have a few friends who are in 12-step programs. One of them is even someone I call just to shoot the shit. Gonna ask him about this next time we chat.
And yes, the hot sauce you favor is Cholula, and it tastes great!