You would think, with all the tracking / cookie / spyware shit on every website, that they'd find a way to stop advertising a product to you after you purchased it. If you buy a lawnmower on Amazon, later when you try to buy a book the product page is like, "Hey, you love lawnmowers, right? Wanna buy a lawnmower?"
"Thanks to my vigilance, and this should come as no surprise since you’re reading this, the bogeyman did not murder us in our sleep" is precisely what the bogeyman would say if he was pretending like you weren't dead.
My Larry and I almost bought a modular couch online that looks so beautiful, comfy, it reclines, and it's made in the States. We wanted it. We worried that we couldn't try it out first but their site was so convincing that we'd absolutely love it. We were going to pull the trigger until I found the shipping page. The delivery is curbside (what??), and they don't have an option to pay extra for them to bring it into our desired room and put it together. We live in a townhouse with way too many stairs, so this won't do. We decided to find our perfect couch at a local bricks and mortar store and pay extra for their white glove delivery service.
Bezos is brilliant with his free shipping. I tried, but I can't not buy from Amazon for that reason.
In junior high, I once got this assignment to write out instructions on how to gift wrap a box. Don't ask me what class this was in. I immediately appreciated the daunting task that this is. Another student had to go up to the front of the class with gift wrap and a box, read, and follow my instructions. Turns out my instructions were pretty good. Sounds like even if Nectar paid me to write their instructions, the beams were shit so it wouldn't have mattered.
I'm not a fan of duck tape. But I did use to think Windex could get anything out.
Shout out to Christina. Sorry that I am using your Substack for this.
My knees also kill me these days, (hooray, menopauze!) Weird as I am, and suffering from some sort of self-flagellation behaviour masked as exercise, I still sleep on a mattress on the floor.
And this - yes yes yes!! to this.
"no such thing as a free lunch, but for some reason free shipping is accepted as gospel. Why are we so badly fooled?"
Holy hell, did we order from Nectar, too? Our disassembled disgrace of a bed is propped up in pieces in our bedroom. Our mattress is on the floor because after months of mysterious back pain culminating in a 3AM catastrophic structural integrity failure, my thinking is that the safest place to be is on the ground. I fear that this week my wife will pick out a replacement. Maybe I can convince her that we need one of those surplus army cots.
It would be amazing if his middle name was Run. But it’s not. Cannonball is a nickname I gave him. Gonna have to check with his parents to see if I can share that story
As the Great Prophet Interneticus, keeper of all modern wisdom tells us, :Duct Tape is like The Force. It has a light side. It has a dark side and it holds the universe together."
We accept the Free Shipping concept because Heinlein never wrote about TANSTAAFS (There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Shipping.)
Nectar Bed ads will keep following you on the Internet until you die, at which point, your surviving relatives will be getting ads for Nectar Coffins.
No bed stories, but your recounting of the lock box reminds me of when my Aunt Becky shared with me and my cousins, when we were complaining about our snoring husbands who made it difficult to fall asleep , that she had solved the problem by every night coming up with something like, "Are you sure you locked the back door," and in the time it took for him to either lie there and worry, or even go and check, she would fall asleep. I suspect Christina might have developed that strategy (smile).
I have camo duct tape. I don't know where it came from but it is in the garage drawer where all the other rolls of tape hang out and it is one of my most prized possessions.
A couple years ago, I bought an expensive ass King sized bed frame from West Elm. Delivery took FOREVER. They delivered me a damaged one, and it was a hell of an issue getting the delivery guys to take it back and West Elm to send me another one. The second one was also damaged. At that point I canceled the order, asked for a refund (which also took forever) and got one from somewhere else. It's a racket, I tell ya! A broken bed frame racket.
I ended up going with a bed frame I found online at Article! Great customer service, they came and se it up for me, no issues, and I've had it for about two years and haven't broken it yet!
I'm astonished that after thousands of years of human beings building shit how often things are BADLY DESIGNED!!! A BED IS NOT COMPLICATED!!! HOW DID THEY FUCK THAT UP?!?!? WHY ARE SO MANY THINGS DESIGNED SO SHITTILY?!?!
Apologies for being so shouty, but this kind of stuff drives me nuts.
1. I would never waste money on a Nectar bed. I have an old queen traditional mattress with a 4 inch super foam gel topper. The way I see it, the exact same feeling as those ridiculous foam beds. Are they even recyclable or any better than spring mattresses?
2. Duct tape should be used for everything. I almost made a full on functional wallet out of thin cardbard and mulit-colored duct tape. Legit!
3. Free shipping is like coupon clipping mothers of the 80's. Buy More! Save 35 cents! Such a deal! then, you are stuck with 10 industrial sized cans of corn that stays in your pantry for the next 5 years. But it was a good deal! We saved 35 cents!
4. One creature scares me more than anything, Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Do not fuck with Pennywise. I refuse to watch the new adaptation, as the trailer scared me so much I NOPED out of that nonsense immediately.
5 - It won't stop until Big AI deems it not relevant to our search results. Use a private browser and hide from the algorithm. Be paranoid like me!
You would think, with all the tracking / cookie / spyware shit on every website, that they'd find a way to stop advertising a product to you after you purchased it. If you buy a lawnmower on Amazon, later when you try to buy a book the product page is like, "Hey, you love lawnmowers, right? Wanna buy a lawnmower?"
You’d think so, right? But there is no recall button.
"Thanks to my vigilance, and this should come as no surprise since you’re reading this, the bogeyman did not murder us in our sleep" is precisely what the bogeyman would say if he was pretending like you weren't dead.
Oh shit. You cracked the case, Andrew.
My Larry and I almost bought a modular couch online that looks so beautiful, comfy, it reclines, and it's made in the States. We wanted it. We worried that we couldn't try it out first but their site was so convincing that we'd absolutely love it. We were going to pull the trigger until I found the shipping page. The delivery is curbside (what??), and they don't have an option to pay extra for them to bring it into our desired room and put it together. We live in a townhouse with way too many stairs, so this won't do. We decided to find our perfect couch at a local bricks and mortar store and pay extra for their white glove delivery service.
Bezos is brilliant with his free shipping. I tried, but I can't not buy from Amazon for that reason.
In junior high, I once got this assignment to write out instructions on how to gift wrap a box. Don't ask me what class this was in. I immediately appreciated the daunting task that this is. Another student had to go up to the front of the class with gift wrap and a box, read, and follow my instructions. Turns out my instructions were pretty good. Sounds like even if Nectar paid me to write their instructions, the beams were shit so it wouldn't have mattered.
I'm not a fan of duck tape. But I did use to think Windex could get anything out.
That extra money for delivery & assembly is some of the best money you can spend.
It took many frustrating moments to finally realize that.
Nothing is free, even shipping. But you know that!
Get a VPN. CNET or someone like that recommended Express VPN so I got it. Seamless operation and no more ads following me around.
You know what they say: If you can’t fix it, duct it!
Shout out to Christina. Sorry that I am using your Substack for this.
My knees also kill me these days, (hooray, menopauze!) Weird as I am, and suffering from some sort of self-flagellation behaviour masked as exercise, I still sleep on a mattress on the floor.
And this - yes yes yes!! to this.
"no such thing as a free lunch, but for some reason free shipping is accepted as gospel. Why are we so badly fooled?"
Same in The Netherlands. :-(
You can always use Situation Normal to shout out to Christina 😁
Holy hell, did we order from Nectar, too? Our disassembled disgrace of a bed is propped up in pieces in our bedroom. Our mattress is on the floor because after months of mysterious back pain culminating in a 3AM catastrophic structural integrity failure, my thinking is that the safest place to be is on the ground. I fear that this week my wife will pick out a replacement. Maybe I can convince her that we need one of those surplus army cots.
Stay strong, James.
I need to know about this kid named Cannonball
Is his middle name Run?
And the bogeyman is an inside creature
It would be amazing if his middle name was Run. But it’s not. Cannonball is a nickname I gave him. Gonna have to check with his parents to see if I can share that story
Great piece, Michael, but you buried the lede - Cannonball? I gotta’ hear more about this kid.
Haha, that’s fair. Cannonball is a nickname I gave him. Lemme check with his parents to see if they’re cool with me sharing the story.
Your ma! Haha.
Here’s your Yelp review—
Nectar— this juice sucks.
Hubby swears by duct tape too. Is it a guy thing? Our roll in the garage is probably 20 years old.
You can mark yourself safe from collapsing beds. 😉
I’m tempted to mark myself safe from collapsing beds, but I worry that I’ll be tempting fate.
As the Great Prophet Interneticus, keeper of all modern wisdom tells us, :Duct Tape is like The Force. It has a light side. It has a dark side and it holds the universe together."
We accept the Free Shipping concept because Heinlein never wrote about TANSTAAFS (There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Shipping.)
Nectar Bed ads will keep following you on the Internet until you die, at which point, your surviving relatives will be getting ads for Nectar Coffins.
Oh man, Nectar will never stop.
No bed stories, but your recounting of the lock box reminds me of when my Aunt Becky shared with me and my cousins, when we were complaining about our snoring husbands who made it difficult to fall asleep , that she had solved the problem by every night coming up with something like, "Are you sure you locked the back door," and in the time it took for him to either lie there and worry, or even go and check, she would fall asleep. I suspect Christina might have developed that strategy (smile).
Interesting theory! Aunt Becky sounds like a clever one.
I have camo duct tape. I don't know where it came from but it is in the garage drawer where all the other rolls of tape hang out and it is one of my most prized possessions.
Andrew, you didn’t ask for my advice, but here it is: buy all the camo duct-tape you can.
That’s good advice.
This was great and beautiful, unlike your bed frame which is great and regular looking
Thank you, Chris!
A couple years ago, I bought an expensive ass King sized bed frame from West Elm. Delivery took FOREVER. They delivered me a damaged one, and it was a hell of an issue getting the delivery guys to take it back and West Elm to send me another one. The second one was also damaged. At that point I canceled the order, asked for a refund (which also took forever) and got one from somewhere else. It's a racket, I tell ya! A broken bed frame racket.
This comment saves us a trip to West Elm.
I ended up going with a bed frame I found online at Article! Great customer service, they came and se it up for me, no issues, and I've had it for about two years and haven't broken it yet!
I'm astonished that after thousands of years of human beings building shit how often things are BADLY DESIGNED!!! A BED IS NOT COMPLICATED!!! HOW DID THEY FUCK THAT UP?!?!? WHY ARE SO MANY THINGS DESIGNED SO SHITTILY?!?!
Apologies for being so shouty, but this kind of stuff drives me nuts.
Keep shouting, Michael! You’re absolutely right, this design “challenge” should’ve been overcome years ago.
1. I would never waste money on a Nectar bed. I have an old queen traditional mattress with a 4 inch super foam gel topper. The way I see it, the exact same feeling as those ridiculous foam beds. Are they even recyclable or any better than spring mattresses?
2. Duct tape should be used for everything. I almost made a full on functional wallet out of thin cardbard and mulit-colored duct tape. Legit!
3. Free shipping is like coupon clipping mothers of the 80's. Buy More! Save 35 cents! Such a deal! then, you are stuck with 10 industrial sized cans of corn that stays in your pantry for the next 5 years. But it was a good deal! We saved 35 cents!
4. One creature scares me more than anything, Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Do not fuck with Pennywise. I refuse to watch the new adaptation, as the trailer scared me so much I NOPED out of that nonsense immediately.
5 - It won't stop until Big AI deems it not relevant to our search results. Use a private browser and hide from the algorithm. Be paranoid like me!
OMG! My friend did make duct-tape wallets just like that. They were amazing.
Oh I may have to pull the trigger and make one for funnzies! Imagine the color combos!
Do it! It’ll be amazing.