Michael: I enjoy your stuff - the porn piece was my introduction to your writing, and I was hooked - well, not hooked enough to become a paid subscriber, but in time I’m sure I’ll climb aboard - I mean, I spent like two years researching new cars before buying a 2012 Fusion - it’s a process. I’d like to take you up on your kind and generous offer to cross-promote Substack columns: I’ll promote your work to my dozens of subscribers, if you’ll do the same for. . .https://ruleofthree.substack.com.
Thanks Bill! Glad you're here. To clarify the offer, here's how it works. People send in funny stuff that they find in the wild: an odd sign, an overheard conversation, etc. If I use it, and if they write a newsletter, I link to it. So if you see something funny, email me!
Thanks Larry! Really appreciate the kind words! I don't know if I'm brave enough to take up bungee-less jumping. I have a slight fear of heights. But maybe that fear is actually a fear of dying. So if I do get some of that immortality, maybe I'll join you for a jump.
If they had gossip columns in the tabloids back then, the Borgia family would be akin to the Kardashians. It is a pleasant easy to read digest, definitely not a scholarly look at the life and times of the Borgia family.
If people were getting into snickety fits over your reportage on the porn biz then I guess they shouldn't poke around some of the darker corners of Substack that are filled with loony anti-vaxxers, conspiracy nutters, outright(alt-right) racists, and crypto-peddling charlatans (see Sam Bankman-Fried's substack.)
Such is the entree fee for free speech. But at least we don't have some rich robot car scam artist making decrees over what folks can toot.
As for Colin Farrell, personally I feel he's done too many decent roles to narrow down to one role...OK maybe "In Bruges" is an exception...although he really should stay away from remakes of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Sarandon films.
You're right about Farrell. He's made some stinkers, but he's made far more really good films, especially In Bruges.
As for Substack, there's a lot of stuff on here that I take issue with, but I could say the same thing about the internet, society, or just about anything else where more than a few humans are involved. The thing I found telling, however, was that the people who usually post rants about freedom of speech, even in threads where the topic is something mundane like a new product announcement, were largely silent. That tracked with my experience as a porn reporter. We'd get all kinds of nasty threats from religious zealots, as well as a lot of fire from certain feminist quarters (those two groups make for the strangest of anti-porn bedfellows), but the traditional champions of free speech were usually silent about adult entertainment. Probably good fodder for another post down the road.
Kudos to you for the badge of honor in Substack Reads and for surviving the crucible of Shitshow Sunday.
Here are my answers to your questions: 1) No, but hi anyway; 2) if I were immortal I'd take in a dual identity: invisible middle aged woman by day and assassin of evil autocratic villains by night; 3) the USFL barely grazed my consciousness; 4) In Bruges and 5) just finished "Sicilian Uncles" by Leonardo Sciascia, a collection of four novellas that I can't stop thinking about.
Is there room for a funny sidekick to your immortal dual identity? I'd love to tag along on your night missions to assassinate evil autocratic villains. Just don't ask me to be a driver because I've got serious car trouble, as you know.
What a crazy array of good and bad. First of all congratulations on being featured. Your Newsletter is funny, full of heart and creative! Well deserved. Hope you heal quickly and your mattress returns to neutral.
Congrats on the feature, Michael! It was awesome to see your work recognized like that. I’m definitely not at all jealous in the slightest about your shiny new badge.
Thank you, Lyle! It's also so special reading your work, and I know that one day your pub is gonna be featured and it's gonna be awesome because you've really built something special over at Just Enough to Get Me in Trouble.
Michael! Ignore the fact that I’m oozing with envy at your skyrocketing success. Accolades! Accolades! Accolades! And congrats on your newly discovered immortality. That’s… kind of awesome.
On the subject of astute readers and robots, my AI generated stack, "Consequences Regular", is in Beta right now, whatever the F that means. My AI has even drafted my first post for me. It’s called “Sex Dungeons: Why your parents have one, and you should, too.”
I’ll need a few weeks after launch to reach your subscriber count, but after that I think we should talk collaboration, or at the very least talk tabloid level internet rivalry.
All astutely crafted jokes aside, your boost this week is WAY deserved.
And as the mother of a bed wetter, I need to tell you something.
Second, I don't know if your new AI stack is a joke, or if it's real, but I'm hoping that it's a real joke you're planning to play on the whole internet. Seriously, do this! It'll be great.
Third, tell me more about pee and mattresses. Were we lied to? The stain came out. I didn't have it tested in a lab or anything, but there's no visible stain and no smell. But I trust you, so I'm asking for real: am I sleeping on dog pee?
Second. You are throwing gasoline on a fire of repressed creativity, friend. I'm always joking when I'm serious. So seriously... watch out. 😜
Third. YES, you're sleeping on dog pee! You may not be sleeping IN it, but where exactly did you think the pee went after it permeated the top two inches of your mattress? If this is a one-time offense by your pup, you might be okay. The smell molecules probably dissipated enough to keep you from smelling anything with your human nose. But if he does it again? - and he might since you know, he essentially MARKED YOUR MATTRESS for repeated bathroom use. My dog poops on the exact same place on our living room floor every time. And it's hardwood. And we CLEAN it. On the bright side, there are worse things to have residing in your mattress. Bed bugs. Weevils. Rats. CAT piss. I advise you invest in some good quality mattress protectors (the cheap ones don't work) or some Doggie Depends and all will be well. I will be curious to hear if you can still smell pee once the aroma of science fair volcanos and salad dressing goes away... keep us posted.
I think you’re getting funnier, Michael! Either that, or I’m getting easier to please. Sorry to hear about your Sunday - injuries and dog pee aren’t usually comedy gold - but you know what they say. I hope you know what they say, because I don’t.
Thank you! Let's call it even. I'm getting funnier and you're getting easier to please. It's a win-win! Also, I do know that they say, but they made me sign a shit-ton of NDAs.
Since they took the same amount of time, was there a moment when you got your overnight oats prep confused with your mattress salvaging effort? Just curious.
"One guy asked how many subscribers my soul was worth! The answer, as of this writing, is approximately 600. But unlike Faust, I like to renegotiate as a go."
I just upgraded to paid because you wrote that response!
And I'm really glad Substack featured your porn convention article because I found it extremely fascinating and that's how I got introduced to your newsletter. So it's not all bad! I should add my comment to the mix to outweigh the shockers.
Loved this! Also some piece of advice on the Prius converter. I live in LA and it’s been a huge issue here, everyone drives Priuses and we all get our converters snagged (me included). Since they’re extremely expensive to replace, my hubby found a Corolla replacement which works as well but doesn’t have the titanium that the Prius converter contain (which is what the thieves are after!). Also this isn’t quick petty theft, it’s an organized crime ring. One of them recently got busted:
Yes, I saw this story. It made me feel seen, if only because the first time my convertor was stolen I was like, this is a financial crime, so given the scale of theft, there must be a large criminal syndicate at work.
Also, I really appreciate the Corolla replacement suggestion, thank you! I ran it by my mechanic and by Toyota, and it is possible to do this with some Prius models, but not my Prius model.
Congrats on the feature, Michael! Well deserved. I'm giving you a shout at the top of my Friday post as well.
2. All for living healthily into ripe old age, but as you may have read already not a huge fan of immortality.
4. Having never seen Tigerland I'll go with In Bruges. Didn't love it at first but it's one of those movies that sticks with you. And Ralph Fiennes is sensational.
5. I'm about halfway through LUSTER by Raven Leilani. A whip-smart writer friend said they were reading it in their book club and told me my fiction shared elements with Leilani's voice. I dig the novel so far: it's weird, vulnerable, and horny, with sharp critiques of contemporary culture.
Michael: I enjoy your stuff - the porn piece was my introduction to your writing, and I was hooked - well, not hooked enough to become a paid subscriber, but in time I’m sure I’ll climb aboard - I mean, I spent like two years researching new cars before buying a 2012 Fusion - it’s a process. I’d like to take you up on your kind and generous offer to cross-promote Substack columns: I’ll promote your work to my dozens of subscribers, if you’ll do the same for. . .https://ruleofthree.substack.com.
Thanks, man. . .Bill Southern (Rule of Theee).
Thanks Bill! Glad you're here. To clarify the offer, here's how it works. People send in funny stuff that they find in the wild: an odd sign, an overheard conversation, etc. If I use it, and if they write a newsletter, I link to it. So if you see something funny, email me!
Good on ya, Michael. I was happy to see Substack feature your post. Keep up the great work!
And if "immortality" ever becomes a thing, I'll take up bungee-less jumping...
Thanks Larry! Really appreciate the kind words! I don't know if I'm brave enough to take up bungee-less jumping. I have a slight fear of heights. But maybe that fear is actually a fear of dying. So if I do get some of that immortality, maybe I'll join you for a jump.
I am currently reading
The Borgias: The Rise and Fall of the Most Infamous Family in History
Mallett, Michael Edward
Interesting! Just added that book to my list. Thanks for the rec, Norman!
If they had gossip columns in the tabloids back then, the Borgia family would be akin to the Kardashians. It is a pleasant easy to read digest, definitely not a scholarly look at the life and times of the Borgia family.
Congrats on the Substack shout out!
If people were getting into snickety fits over your reportage on the porn biz then I guess they shouldn't poke around some of the darker corners of Substack that are filled with loony anti-vaxxers, conspiracy nutters, outright(alt-right) racists, and crypto-peddling charlatans (see Sam Bankman-Fried's substack.)
Such is the entree fee for free speech. But at least we don't have some rich robot car scam artist making decrees over what folks can toot.
As for Colin Farrell, personally I feel he's done too many decent roles to narrow down to one role...OK maybe "In Bruges" is an exception...although he really should stay away from remakes of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Sarandon films.
You're right about Farrell. He's made some stinkers, but he's made far more really good films, especially In Bruges.
As for Substack, there's a lot of stuff on here that I take issue with, but I could say the same thing about the internet, society, or just about anything else where more than a few humans are involved. The thing I found telling, however, was that the people who usually post rants about freedom of speech, even in threads where the topic is something mundane like a new product announcement, were largely silent. That tracked with my experience as a porn reporter. We'd get all kinds of nasty threats from religious zealots, as well as a lot of fire from certain feminist quarters (those two groups make for the strangest of anti-porn bedfellows), but the traditional champions of free speech were usually silent about adult entertainment. Probably good fodder for another post down the road.
To quote Voltaire: "Once you can get people to believe in Absurdities, you can easily get them to lease a Ford truck."
I began believing in absurdities and I ended up leasing a Ford Fiesta.
https://open.substack.com/pub/michaelestrin/p/we-leased-a-ford-fiesta-in-2013-the?r=1fqhx&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Kudos to you for the badge of honor in Substack Reads and for surviving the crucible of Shitshow Sunday.
Here are my answers to your questions: 1) No, but hi anyway; 2) if I were immortal I'd take in a dual identity: invisible middle aged woman by day and assassin of evil autocratic villains by night; 3) the USFL barely grazed my consciousness; 4) In Bruges and 5) just finished "Sicilian Uncles" by Leonardo Sciascia, a collection of four novellas that I can't stop thinking about.
Is there room for a funny sidekick to your immortal dual identity? I'd love to tag along on your night missions to assassinate evil autocratic villains. Just don't ask me to be a driver because I've got serious car trouble, as you know.
What a crazy array of good and bad. First of all congratulations on being featured. Your Newsletter is funny, full of heart and creative! Well deserved. Hope you heal quickly and your mattress returns to neutral.
Thank you, Mark! There's something to be said for following a big high with a little low. It brings you back down to Earth.
Congrats on the feature, Michael! It was awesome to see your work recognized like that. I’m definitely not at all jealous in the slightest about your shiny new badge.
Thank you, Lyle! It's also so special reading your work, and I know that one day your pub is gonna be featured and it's gonna be awesome because you've really built something special over at Just Enough to Get Me in Trouble.
Aww, thanks so much, Michael!
Michael! Ignore the fact that I’m oozing with envy at your skyrocketing success. Accolades! Accolades! Accolades! And congrats on your newly discovered immortality. That’s… kind of awesome.
On the subject of astute readers and robots, my AI generated stack, "Consequences Regular", is in Beta right now, whatever the F that means. My AI has even drafted my first post for me. It’s called “Sex Dungeons: Why your parents have one, and you should, too.”
I’ll need a few weeks after launch to reach your subscriber count, but after that I think we should talk collaboration, or at the very least talk tabloid level internet rivalry.
All astutely crafted jokes aside, your boost this week is WAY deserved.
And as the mother of a bed wetter, I need to tell you something.
Google doesn’t know shit about mattresses.
Meg, first of all, thank you!
Second, I don't know if your new AI stack is a joke, or if it's real, but I'm hoping that it's a real joke you're planning to play on the whole internet. Seriously, do this! It'll be great.
Third, tell me more about pee and mattresses. Were we lied to? The stain came out. I didn't have it tested in a lab or anything, but there's no visible stain and no smell. But I trust you, so I'm asking for real: am I sleeping on dog pee?
First. You're welcome.
Second. You are throwing gasoline on a fire of repressed creativity, friend. I'm always joking when I'm serious. So seriously... watch out. 😜
Third. YES, you're sleeping on dog pee! You may not be sleeping IN it, but where exactly did you think the pee went after it permeated the top two inches of your mattress? If this is a one-time offense by your pup, you might be okay. The smell molecules probably dissipated enough to keep you from smelling anything with your human nose. But if he does it again? - and he might since you know, he essentially MARKED YOUR MATTRESS for repeated bathroom use. My dog poops on the exact same place on our living room floor every time. And it's hardwood. And we CLEAN it. On the bright side, there are worse things to have residing in your mattress. Bed bugs. Weevils. Rats. CAT piss. I advise you invest in some good quality mattress protectors (the cheap ones don't work) or some Doggie Depends and all will be well. I will be curious to hear if you can still smell pee once the aroma of science fair volcanos and salad dressing goes away... keep us posted.
"But unlike Faust..." SO funny! And 600! New subscribers. You should round up to 666 just for fun :)
Thank you! My 10th grade English teacher would be really proud of that Foust joke.
I think you’re getting funnier, Michael! Either that, or I’m getting easier to please. Sorry to hear about your Sunday - injuries and dog pee aren’t usually comedy gold - but you know what they say. I hope you know what they say, because I don’t.
Thank you! Let's call it even. I'm getting funnier and you're getting easier to please. It's a win-win! Also, I do know that they say, but they made me sign a shit-ton of NDAs.
This is awesome Michael.
Once all those new readers settle in, they'll be able to say, "I stayed for the situations. But I came from the porn."
Haha, I see what you did there & I approve!
Since they took the same amount of time, was there a moment when you got your overnight oats prep confused with your mattress salvaging effort? Just curious.
Thankfully, no. The mattress salvage happened first. Then all we had to do was wait until morning and vacuum up the baking powder.
"One guy asked how many subscribers my soul was worth! The answer, as of this writing, is approximately 600. But unlike Faust, I like to renegotiate as a go."
I just upgraded to paid because you wrote that response!
Thank you, Sherman! Not just for going paid, but for telling me the line that made the sale. That's some serious attribution right there!
You're welcome!
And I'm really glad Substack featured your porn convention article because I found it extremely fascinating and that's how I got introduced to your newsletter. So it's not all bad! I should add my comment to the mix to outweigh the shockers.
Thank you! I'm really glad you're here!
Loved this! Also some piece of advice on the Prius converter. I live in LA and it’s been a huge issue here, everyone drives Priuses and we all get our converters snagged (me included). Since they’re extremely expensive to replace, my hubby found a Corolla replacement which works as well but doesn’t have the titanium that the Prius converter contain (which is what the thieves are after!). Also this isn’t quick petty theft, it’s an organized crime ring. One of them recently got busted:
https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2022-11-02/national-catalytic-converter-theft-ring-busted-federal-investigation
Yes, I saw this story. It made me feel seen, if only because the first time my convertor was stolen I was like, this is a financial crime, so given the scale of theft, there must be a large criminal syndicate at work.
Also, I really appreciate the Corolla replacement suggestion, thank you! I ran it by my mechanic and by Toyota, and it is possible to do this with some Prius models, but not my Prius model.
Right, the Portland area police found a ring of catalytic converter thieves. They stole something around 44,000 converters. Here is the latest story. https://www.wweek.com/news/2023/02/01/the-latest-suspect-in-oregons-catalytic-converter-trafficking-a-former-osu-honor-student-turned-dj/
Congrats on the feature, Michael! Well deserved. I'm giving you a shout at the top of my Friday post as well.
2. All for living healthily into ripe old age, but as you may have read already not a huge fan of immortality.
4. Having never seen Tigerland I'll go with In Bruges. Didn't love it at first but it's one of those movies that sticks with you. And Ralph Fiennes is sensational.
5. I'm about halfway through LUSTER by Raven Leilani. A whip-smart writer friend said they were reading it in their book club and told me my fiction shared elements with Leilani's voice. I dig the novel so far: it's weird, vulnerable, and horny, with sharp critiques of contemporary culture.
You should see Tigerland. I think you'd dig it! Also, I added Luster to my TBR, thanks for the rec!