9 out of 10 dentists recommend Not Safe for Work
A visit to the dentist proves lucrative
Welcome to Situation Normal, a weekly newsletter of funny stories from my life. To support Situation Normal subscribe & share 👇
“How’s everything going working from home?” my dentist asks.
“Pretty good, but I’ve been working from home for more than a decade, so…”
“Oh really, what do you do?”
“I’m a writer.”
“Screenwriter?”
This is a common response, especially in Los Angeles, where there are 3.1 screenwriters for every palm tree.
“I’m a novelist.”
“I don’t read books anymore,” my dentist says. “I don’t have the time.”
Sadly, this is a common response across America, where there are 82 trillion movie and television fans for every bookworm.
“I tried to read a book over Christmas,” my dentist says. “My friend suggested The Handmaid’s Tale.”
“Whoa—that’s some heavy shit. Don’t get me wrong, Margaret Atwood knows her stuff, but that’s a very dark novel.”
“I know,” my dentist says. “It’s like a dystopian world, and it really freaked me out. I had to stop reading.”
“My philosophy is this: read the dark stuff when things are going well, and the funny stuff when times are dark. Personally, I think there’s too much darkness in the world, so I write funny stuff.”
“That’s a good philosophy,” my dentist says. “Now, open wide.”
My dentist does her thing for the next few minutes, while I listen to the music playing from the office sound system. Tears for Fears. Bob Marley. Fine Young Cannibals. My dentist has good taste.
“All set, Michael. We’ll see you again in a few months.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“By the way, do you have a novel I could check out? I could use a laugh.”
Here we go, I think, the moment of truth. The dental profession sold you on regular flossing, now it’s time to sell your dentist on regular pleasure reading. You got this.
“Sure, I’ve got a new book out called Not Safe for Work.”
“Not Safe for Work?”
“That’s right.”
“And it’s funny?”
“Very funny. There are more jokes on one page of my book than the entire The Handmaid’s Tale.”
“I don’t think there are any jokes in The Handmaid’s Tale.”
“Exactly,” I deadpan.
It takes my dentist a beat, but she picks up what I’m putting down.
“What kind of humor is it?”
“You like The Big Lebowski?”
“Of course, dude! But… that’s a movie, not a book.”
“It’s stoner comedy,” I say. “The Dude and Walter are pretty much in the plot of a Raymond Chandler novel.”
“You know, I never thought of it that way, but you’re right.”
Of course I’m right. I know the slacker noir genre like my dentist knows teeth.
“If you like The Big Lebowski, you’ll like my book.”
“I’ll check it out,” she says. “You just made a sale.”
Damn right I just made a sale. Take that, Margaret Atwood!
Thanks for reading! I’ll be back next Sunday with another story. Meantime, be sure to pick up your copy of NOT SAFE FOR WORK!1
And remember, if this story brings you joy, please do me a HUGE favor by sharing Situation Normal with everyone you know :)
Nine out of ten dentists recommend Not Safe for Work
😆 😂 took the dentist a moment to get that pun
My copy of Not Safe For Work arrived three days ago. It's a pleasure to support humor and stoners when I can.