Scared Shitless

A story about fear, haunted houses, career opportunity, and the wisdom of FDR

Photo by Bee Felten-Leidel on Unsplash

In his 1933 inaugural address, President Franklin D. Roosevelt, who was known as Franky Dee to his friends and Frank The Stone Cold Motherfucker to his enemies, said something profound about fear.

This great Nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Roosevelt made that speech at a difficult moment. In technical terms, the economy was totally fucked. But the truly scary thing was democracy didn’t seem to have any answers, and so fascists were gaining power around the world. Scary shit.

And yet, if Frank The Stone Cold Motherfucker was afraid of greed-demons, hate-mongers, and fascists assholes, he didn’t let that fear show. Instead, Frank The Stone Cold Motherfucker popped another cigarette in his old-timey cigarette holder and uttered the coolest line ever: the only thing we have to fear is...fear itself.

Folks, Frank The Stone …