Marriage 💍 Overheard sexting 📱Lost tarantula 🕷Football advice🏈
We’re in Florida this week for my brother-in-law’s wedding and to visit with family. I love my brother-in-law, Zac, but I hate the term brother-in-law because it makes our relationship sound like a court order. In reality, our relationship has nothing to do with the law and everything to do with love. I love Zac like a brother and so I call him brother. But Zac is also Christina’s brother, and Christina is my wife, so it’s important to clarify this stuff because Situation Normal isn’t a George R.R. Martin story.
ANYWAY, Zac and Dylan got hitched without a hitch. There was dancing, two kinds of cake, and a photo booth! Plus, chicken fingers that our three nephews devoured. Yours truly gave a speech, and after I explained that Zac was my brother, I offered some advice for the newlyweds about marriage:
Show up for your partner in good times and bad
Speak from the heart and listen with an open mind
Everyday of your marriage, find a way to express your love for your partner
Overheard: golf course men’s room
In the restroom stall next to mine, I heard a man on the phone. Since he was using the speaker phone function, I heard both sides of the conversation.
Man: Hey, baby, what are you up to?
Woman: Oh, you know me. Same old, same old. I haven’t seen you in ages. Are you at work?
Man: No. I left work an hour ago. That place is boring. Going golfing.
Woman: Of course you’re going golfing. You’re always golfing. Hey, am I ever going to see you again? I miss you.
Man: Soon, baby, soon. Hang on. Let me send you a picture of me.
[The phone’s camera goes “click”]
Man: There you go, baby. Just sent you a picture, so you don’t miss me so much.
Woman: What is that? What is this picture?
Man: It’s a cobra, baby.
Woman: You’re an asshole, Jerry.
[The man laughs]
Woman: And it doesn’t look like a cobra. It looks like an Earthworm.
[The man stops laughing]
Missing Tarantula
Last Sunday, I wrote about a woman who had a pet tarantula. I assumed that pet tarantulas were rare. Really rare. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe pet tarantulas are so common that if you saw a tarantula loose on the street—off leash??—you’d automatically assume it was a lost pet. At least, that’s my takeaway from Becky’s submission. From Nextdoor (naturally)🕷👇
Comment of the week!
My story about a pet tarantula brought out a lot of great comments about pets and pet ownership. One of those comments was from Bill Coffin, who shared his pet ownership policy, which as it turns out, is my pet ownership policy too. Great minds, Bill, great minds…
Christina’s advice for the Raiders
This coming Sunday, the Raiders take on the Houston Texans. Since Christina, who recently became a citizen of Raider Nation, has twenty years of leadership experience in the media and technology sectors, I asked her to take a break from random acts of mayhem to give the Raiders some advice for Sunday’s game. Here’s what Christina said:
The Texans tied the Colts earlier this season. Big red flag. A team that accepts a tie ain’t shit. The Raiders must deploy the Cobra Kai strategy: strike first, strike hard, no mercy. Also, remember eat a balanced breakfast before the game. And hydrate!
Contribute a thing to Situation Normal!
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Stick around and chat!
You know the drill. I’ve got questions, you may or may not have answers.
Any marriage advice for Zac and Dylan?
Any advice for the Raiders?
If you saw a tarantula off leash, would you smash it with your foot, run like hell, or post about a missing pet on Nextdoor?
Are you watching House of the Dragon, or are you still bitter about the way Game of Thrones ended?
Have you ever overheard a stranger sexting someone? Explain.
Until Sunday when I’ll have another story…
Game of Thrones is a huge investment, but when I started the series I didn’t realize how big. I was just along for the ride, as they say. Now that the first series is complete you know what you’re getting into.
tarantulas are gentle, misunderstood souls that do not bite humans. They visit our doorways every monsoon...waiting for an invite.