French fried liar

Eavesdropping on Pam, Greg, and Pam's mom, whose name I didn't catch

Pam and her mom grab a table. Pam’s husband Greg arrives five minutes later. Then the food arrives. Greg gets up to wash his hands and fetch some Tapatío hot sauce. While he’s gone, Pam eats a quarter of his fries. Then, to cover her tracks, Pam enlists her mother in a conspiracy to conceal her french fried larceny.

“Don’t tell Greg. He hates it when I eat off his plate. This is our little secret, Mom.”

Greg returns. His hands are clean, and the Tapatío bottle is full. He hits his wrap with an obscene amount of hot sauce, then begins to eat.

“How are things going with the house?” Pam’s mom asks.

Greg looks like he wants to answer, but his mouth is full and likely on fire. Pam breaks the news. The “awful” people Pam and Greg are buying a home from didn’t disclose structural damage. As Pam tells it, the sellers are “liars.”

“Supposedly it’s just drywall,” Pam says. “Who are they kidding?”

Pam’s mom shakes her head, disgusted. Greg says they’re just trying to make an extra buck. He seems willing to let it go, as there are bigger fish to fry when buying a home. Pam seems intent on holding their feet to the fire.

“We caught them in a lie,” she says. “I’m not letting them get out of it. They’ll pay.”

After a little more talk of real estate retribution, Pam’s mom asks about her grandson. According to Pam, the boy is breaking up with his girlfriend.

“Why?”

“He says he can’t trust her. I guess she was bad-mouthing one of his friends on social media.”

“So he confronted her about it?” Pam’s mom asks.

“No, he just dumped her over text message. Kids today.”

Once again, Pam’s mom looks disgusted.

“Wasn’t honesty the problem with his previous girlfriend?” she asks.

“Yes,” Pam says. “He said she was a liar. He just could’t trust her.”

“And didn’t he break up with her over text too?”

Pam nods.

“Why doesn’t he just talk to them?” Pam’s mom asks.

“That’s what I keep telling him,” Greg says. “I’m trying to teach him that you need honest communication to make a relationship work. Isn’t that right, honey?”

Pam asks Greg if she can have some fries. Grudgingly, he shares his fries.

“He’ll learn,” Pam says. “If you can’t be honest with your partner, what have you got?”

The question goes unanswered. There are smaller fish to fry as far as Greg is concerned.

“They sure skimp on the fries,” Greg says. “This place is really going down hill.”

---

Shout Outs

Situation Normal is free, but some amazing situation normies pay, which keeps me in good standing with the Substack badge authorities. Fiery hot Tapatío shout outs to Bryan W,

Donna M. Christopher

, Carmen S! Thank you for upgrading your Situation Normal subscriptions to paid! Sending you three the very best vibes.

Stick around and chat!

I ask, you answer

1. Are French fries community property? Explain.

2. How screwed is Greg? Go deep!

3. Are you old enough to remember the freedom fries scandal? Reminisce.

4. In light of how American public opinion shifted on the Iraq war, do we owe the French an apology, or at the very least a phone call to say, “Sacre bleu! Tu avais raison”?

5. I prefer Marie Sharp’s hot sauce, but Tapatío will do in a pinch. What’s your preferred hot sauce?

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