Michael -- I have largely checked out on Substack and only read a handful of things and not regularly anymore. When I logged on this evening I saw a comment from Anne Kadet on this story of yours. I am intrigued by the tech and have experienced it but I was most excited to sample your take. Always offbeat and funny but what I think makes your writing so GREAT is the way you observe, gauge whether the experience will be weird or enchanting and ultimately embrace the humanity in a story. I loved your dialog with Jose -- just wonderful. I have some relatives who live in Santa Monica. Next time I am in the area, I hope our driver is not a robot but Jose instead.
Vegas 2021. A driverless uber came to pick us up. I was drunk and broke even on bubble craps. I didn’t get in. Do I regret it? Sure don’t. lol great piece. I enjoyed it!
hell yes good one.....ive held back on your novel but its a dog days of summer kinda thing and i am am prone to MANY distractions.....love the selfie i was tempted to request 'Eyes of the World" or anything from 1977
Michael, thanks for road-testing Waymo, so we don’t have to. You drop many film and pop culture references in this piece - my favorite, of course, is from Office Space (“No-talent ass-clown.”
Gibson, Sartre, and Dick are in a dimly lit bar. The only other patron is a guy in a camouflage t-shirt nursing a Bud Light and staring intently at a muted fishing show on TV.
Suddenly, the karaoke machine kicks in with a surprisingly enthusiastic rendition of "Sweet Home Alabama" by the camouflage-clad patron. He belts out the lyrics with gusto, occasionally punctuating lines with air guitar solos.
Gibson, momentarily forgetting the potential for technological dystopia, raises an eyebrow. "Well," he says dryly, "that's certainly a user interface."
Sartre buries his face in his hands. "This," he moans, "is the sound of freedom… and it is awful."
Dick, convinced the singing is a coded message meant to disorient them, starts frantically scribbling notes on a napkin. "The key," he whispers, "is in the 'woo-hoo-hoo's'!"
This is such a great line and note to end on: "What I want is a ride with another human being. That’ll get me where I need to go, but if I’m lucky, it might just take me somewhere unexpected."
Michael, just finished NOT SAFE FOR WORK, why hasn’t this been made into a MOVIE already? Dammit Miles.
Growing up in Hollywood, the Valley was mainly a trip to universal studios or the place I drove through to get to BUR. On special occasions, my dad would take us to Castaway. I dug all the LA references; Du-pars in Farmers Market was a staple for us.
In a prior life, MindGeek was one of my customers. We were looking for new customers and a guy on my team in Toronto found them. We knew they were tech, but well didn’t know they were the roll up of all the tube sites in the middle of your story. We wondered whether we should keep them but big business, they covered both. I guess they’ve gotten hit with a bunch of lawsuits, hence the private equity buyout by Ethical Capital partners and the rename to Aylo. I feel like there is a next chapter in the evolution of tubes to …?
One more porn story—my brother-in-law worked for Perfect 10 which was an early print to web-only niche site funded by some fintech bajillionare who wanted to be like Hugh. I remember he started suing and sending takedown notices to Google for stealing his content. Oh god, I just looked him up and that’s another rabbit hole.
I think it’s time for that sequel. Thanks, that was a lot of fun.
Andrew, thank you so much for this note -- every word. Currently working on the sequel, and yes, there's more to say about what's happened in that industry. Re: Perfect 10, I actually wrote about Norm Zada and his lawsuit against Google back in the day. I know I spoke to his lawyers regularly, but I think I spoke to Norm once or twice too.
For sure man, great read! Yknow what - it got me through this super-dense couldn't be more diff book (The Dispossessed). When my head was full with Ursula, Michael was my palette cleanser.
My bro-in-law was the Quark guy for Norm. Norm's Dean. And from the stories I heard, Norm was more than a little wackadoo
Just ask Patti Smith to read your work aloud before distinguished guests (the Normies will determine who qualifies for the audience), because if it worked for a Nobel, it'll work for a Pulitzer.
Jean-Paul orders a glass of the cheapest red, his companions snicker. Then, the Waymotender turns towards them and tells them a joke, while serving them, with perfect portioning, to the drip. A discussion about the joke ensues. The Robot then closes all doors, and finally, they all throw words at each other, again and again, into eternity.
I'm sticking with human drivers. I read the story of the guy who nearly missed a flight at LAX when the Waymo kept driving around in circles in a parking lot.
A friend told me about that guy. I don't think I'd Waymo to LAX, but then again, I usually leave for the airport from my house in the valley, so thankfully Waymo isn't an option.
First, I was delighted by this piece, especially as a former Angeleno (more of a Pasadeno, really). Thoughtful and funny - on brand and brilliant.
1. No opinion. Sports in the 90s? Yankees only.
2. I’m waiting until they come out with the JohnnyCab with the robot driver, like in Total Recall (the Schwartzennegger version). That will be the Philip K. Dick move.
3. Sorry, I’m not seeing much optimization. Am I missing something?
4. The robot bartender has an existential crisis. The three help themselves to Pernod.
5. Perhaps write a piece about a seance in which you summon Art Buchwald and Herb Caen?
The Waymo cost about the same as the Lyft ride back to my car. However, I tipped my Lyft driver. Also, Waymo applied a 30% discount, I think because I was a new user, but maybe those discounts are common to encourage ridership. Point being, I don't think today's prices reflect the real cost of Waymo. As for Larchmont, I'd say the neighborhood charm factor has decreased, but the number of hip new places has increased. It's still great, but it's more of a scene than it once was.
Michael -- I have largely checked out on Substack and only read a handful of things and not regularly anymore. When I logged on this evening I saw a comment from Anne Kadet on this story of yours. I am intrigued by the tech and have experienced it but I was most excited to sample your take. Always offbeat and funny but what I think makes your writing so GREAT is the way you observe, gauge whether the experience will be weird or enchanting and ultimately embrace the humanity in a story. I loved your dialog with Jose -- just wonderful. I have some relatives who live in Santa Monica. Next time I am in the area, I hope our driver is not a robot but Jose instead.
William Gibson, Jean-Paul Sartre, and Philip K. Dick walk into a bar. They wait for Godot. Nothing happens.
Vegas 2021. A driverless uber came to pick us up. I was drunk and broke even on bubble craps. I didn’t get in. Do I regret it? Sure don’t. lol great piece. I enjoyed it!
hell yes good one.....ive held back on your novel but its a dog days of summer kinda thing and i am am prone to MANY distractions.....love the selfie i was tempted to request 'Eyes of the World" or anything from 1977
No rush on the book. When you're ready, it'll be there
Well done, sir. :)
Michael, thanks for road-testing Waymo, so we don’t have to. You drop many film and pop culture references in this piece - my favorite, of course, is from Office Space (“No-talent ass-clown.”
Thank you for picking that one up, Bill!
Gibson, Sartre, and Dick are in a dimly lit bar. The only other patron is a guy in a camouflage t-shirt nursing a Bud Light and staring intently at a muted fishing show on TV.
Suddenly, the karaoke machine kicks in with a surprisingly enthusiastic rendition of "Sweet Home Alabama" by the camouflage-clad patron. He belts out the lyrics with gusto, occasionally punctuating lines with air guitar solos.
Gibson, momentarily forgetting the potential for technological dystopia, raises an eyebrow. "Well," he says dryly, "that's certainly a user interface."
Sartre buries his face in his hands. "This," he moans, "is the sound of freedom… and it is awful."
Dick, convinced the singing is a coded message meant to disorient them, starts frantically scribbling notes on a napkin. "The key," he whispers, "is in the 'woo-hoo-hoo's'!"
You win, Tracy! This is gold!
It's the most fun I've had procrastinating in a long time.
This is such a great line and note to end on: "What I want is a ride with another human being. That’ll get me where I need to go, but if I’m lucky, it might just take me somewhere unexpected."
Thanks Eric!
Glad you survived. But “He Could Go All the Waymo” was a major missed opportunity
Thank you for telling the truth, Carlos. I lived, but I also screwed up big time.
Michael, just finished NOT SAFE FOR WORK, why hasn’t this been made into a MOVIE already? Dammit Miles.
Growing up in Hollywood, the Valley was mainly a trip to universal studios or the place I drove through to get to BUR. On special occasions, my dad would take us to Castaway. I dug all the LA references; Du-pars in Farmers Market was a staple for us.
In a prior life, MindGeek was one of my customers. We were looking for new customers and a guy on my team in Toronto found them. We knew they were tech, but well didn’t know they were the roll up of all the tube sites in the middle of your story. We wondered whether we should keep them but big business, they covered both. I guess they’ve gotten hit with a bunch of lawsuits, hence the private equity buyout by Ethical Capital partners and the rename to Aylo. I feel like there is a next chapter in the evolution of tubes to …?
One more porn story—my brother-in-law worked for Perfect 10 which was an early print to web-only niche site funded by some fintech bajillionare who wanted to be like Hugh. I remember he started suing and sending takedown notices to Google for stealing his content. Oh god, I just looked him up and that’s another rabbit hole.
I think it’s time for that sequel. Thanks, that was a lot of fun.
Andrew, thank you so much for this note -- every word. Currently working on the sequel, and yes, there's more to say about what's happened in that industry. Re: Perfect 10, I actually wrote about Norm Zada and his lawsuit against Google back in the day. I know I spoke to his lawyers regularly, but I think I spoke to Norm once or twice too.
For sure man, great read! Yknow what - it got me through this super-dense couldn't be more diff book (The Dispossessed). When my head was full with Ursula, Michael was my palette cleanser.
My bro-in-law was the Quark guy for Norm. Norm's Dean. And from the stories I heard, Norm was more than a little wackadoo
Yeah, Norm struck me as someone who was more than a little out there. But he wasn't wrong about what Google was doing to his business
Just ask Patti Smith to read your work aloud before distinguished guests (the Normies will determine who qualifies for the audience), because if it worked for a Nobel, it'll work for a Pulitzer.
Wow, Patti Smith sure has a lot of power.
Jean-Paul orders a glass of the cheapest red, his companions snicker. Then, the Waymotender turns towards them and tells them a joke, while serving them, with perfect portioning, to the drip. A discussion about the joke ensues. The Robot then closes all doors, and finally, they all throw words at each other, again and again, into eternity.
I'm sticking with human drivers. I read the story of the guy who nearly missed a flight at LAX when the Waymo kept driving around in circles in a parking lot.
A friend told me about that guy. I don't think I'd Waymo to LAX, but then again, I usually leave for the airport from my house in the valley, so thankfully Waymo isn't an option.
First, I was delighted by this piece, especially as a former Angeleno (more of a Pasadeno, really). Thoughtful and funny - on brand and brilliant.
1. No opinion. Sports in the 90s? Yankees only.
2. I’m waiting until they come out with the JohnnyCab with the robot driver, like in Total Recall (the Schwartzennegger version). That will be the Philip K. Dick move.
3. Sorry, I’m not seeing much optimization. Am I missing something?
4. The robot bartender has an existential crisis. The three help themselves to Pernod.
5. Perhaps write a piece about a seance in which you summon Art Buchwald and Herb Caen?
Thank you so much! I think I will work on that Buchwald Caen seance.
When Waymo is Wayless than an Uber we’re in trouble. BTW is Waymo cost competitive?
Is Larchmont village still as charming as it was 25 years ago? Sorry for all the questions.
I love Uber convos.
I grew up in Encino. Original Valley girl here.
5. There should be a Humor Pulitzer winner and you should be the first.
The Waymo cost about the same as the Lyft ride back to my car. However, I tipped my Lyft driver. Also, Waymo applied a 30% discount, I think because I was a new user, but maybe those discounts are common to encourage ridership. Point being, I don't think today's prices reflect the real cost of Waymo. As for Larchmont, I'd say the neighborhood charm factor has decreased, but the number of hip new places has increased. It's still great, but it's more of a scene than it once was.
Waymo has its own APP? Always nice to tip the driver.
Yes, the app is how you hail the Waymo and unlock the car
But what are we optimizing for?” Yea that is for sure the question. This adventure went further than I expected. Sooooo good!
Thank you, Anne!